Openly lesbian Illinois state Rep. Deb Mell proposed to her partner Christin Baker, the national director of arts and humanities for the YMCA, earlier this month at the Signature Room in Chicago.
"Christin, I am a better person since I have known you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you," she said. Baker—who had been with Mell for five years—said yes.
On April 28 ( which was also Baker's birthday ) , Mell took that personal moment and showed just how political the personal can be. In Springfield, she addressed her legislative colleagues, asking them to support same-sex marriage in this state. Right now, their plan is to get married in Iowa next year; Iowas is one of only five U.S. states where it is legal for two people of the same gender to be married. Illinois does not have a marriage-equality ( or civil-unions ) law.
"I am aware that our governor and many of you on both sides of the aisle do not consider me equal to you and our relationship equal to the relationships you share with your spouse," Mell told the other legislators, according to the Chicago Tribune. "I think we are more alike than we are different."
Mell and Baker were interviewed by Carol Marin on WTTW's Chicago Tonight April 27. Mell said, "You can't legislate who you love and you can't punish people for it." Baker added, "I think it's actually the gay community that's showing the sanctity of marriage by wanting to get married. ... I would like to be married just one time, as opposed to six, seven, eight, nine—like some members of the straight community are able to do."
In an interview with Windy City Times that ran in the Sept. 30, 2009, issue, Mell was questioned about her feelings regarding the status of the proposed civil-unions bill. She responded, "My whole attitude has been—and I haven't been quiet about it—is that we should just go for marriage in Illinois."
Because of the state's Defense of Marriage Act, any same-sex marriage done in another state is not recognized in Illinois.
On April 29, Windy City Times talked with Baker about the speech at the state House, Iowa and her fiancée:
Windy City Times: Walk me through what happened in Springfield April 29, when your fiance spoke to the state House.
Christin Baker: We weren't really sure when [ Mell ] was going to call her point of personal privilege. She really felt strongly that she wanted a few reps there, such as Sara Feigenholtz and Will Burns. It was really cute: Deb didn't sleep well the night before, and we were both really nervous and excited.
So Deb called her point of personal privilege. We had worked really hard on her speech. She got up and delivered it. Then, Rep. Burns stood up and, suddenly, people started calling their own points of personal privilege.
First of all, on the House floor, it's crazy: There are people walking and talking while a bill is debated, and they have to quiet the chambers now and then. But when Deb got up, everybody quieted down and sat down; that was amazing. Then she said, "I got engaged," and everyone clapped. Then people started standing up and gave words of encouragement. The one that meant the most to me was Republican [ Mark Beaubien of Barrington Hills ] , who got all choked up. It was just amazing because he's Republican and an older guy; he and Deb got to know each other when they were in the same area. So I started getting teary-eyed. And Rep. Feigenholtz was there at our first date, and we've run into her at different events.
If you wrote a movie and this was the culminating event at the end, I don't think anyone could've written it as wonderfully as it actually happened.
WCT: When you reacted to Beaubien, was it ( in part ) because you thought, "Here's a Republican acting this way. Maybe we can [ eventually ] reach other Republicans?"
CB: I don't know if I went to the place where we can reach other Republicans. I definitely thought, "Maybe if he feels this way, maybe there is hope." It just affirmed that Deb and I are doing the right thing. Putting it out there and being visible is the right thing to do.
WCT: Are you OK with a gradual inching toward a marriage-equality bill, with a civil-unions bill being passed first?
CB: Well, Vermont went from civil unions to marriage equality. I'm not a big fan of conflict, in general. The most important thing to me is that we have some kind of rights and recognition so I'm definitely not in that "it's marriage or nothing" mindset. I'm not a lawyer by any stretch of the imagination but I feel like, sometimes, if you have civil unions, you can make a case for marriage a lot easier. I know there are so many different feelings about which is the best way to go, but I tend to think, "I'd like civil unions, but I'd like to continue to fight for marriage, too."
WCT: OK, because when you and Deb were on Chicago Tonight, you said at one point that you were "tired of waiting." What did you mean by that?
CB: Carol was asking why we didn't wait for Illinois to have some type of recognition. Illinois doesn't have any recognition; in fact, I think there's a law that says that the state won't recognize [ same-sex ] marriages from other states, so I'm tired of waiting for Illinois to have something to recognize same-sex partners. If Iowa had civil unions, I would say, "Let's go to Iowa to have civil unions." Thank goodness Iowa has marriage equality, which is my ultimate goal.
WCT: I'm curious: How surprised were you when you first knew that Iowa had marriage equality and Illinois hadn't?
CB: I was very surprised—and pleased—that Iowa had anything. I would really like to give credit to Lambda Legal and [ the organization's Midwest Regional Director ] Jim Bennett. I don't what goes into court cases, but I know it's a multiyear process. And Iowa having it and California not having it—talk about a mind trip.
I also think it's great because it happened in the heartland. [ On the other hand, ] Chicago is like a big blue city in a red state.
I understand being fiscally conservative, but there are people in this state who are fiscally conservative but socially moderate, but they may feel they can't vote [ in favor of marriage equality ] .
WCT: What do you think is the most important thing you and Deb accomplished yesterday?
CB: Oh, gosh. I think we got people talking again about marriage equality. You hadn't heard a peep about it. You had people talking about "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"—which I also think is very important. The last [ marriage-related ] thing we heard about was Prop 8.
I'm going to be perfectly honest: In the different articles, there were some negative comments but I'd like to think that Deb and I put a positive face on marriage equality.
WCT: Of course, you've heard the slew of arguments against same-sex marriage, including procreation, religion, etc. What do you feel is your strongest argument against the naysayers?
CB: I almost feel like I want to pat those naysayers on the head and say, "I'm so sorry that you can't see the bigger picture, but we're going to get our rights. Despite your feelings about marriage, the tide is [ turning ] , especially with the next generation coming." So I don't always feel like I need to have an argument; the next generation is going to wipe away all of this negativity.
But I liked what I said on Chicago Tonight: "If the sanctity of marriage is so important to straight people, then why do they take it with such a cavalier attitude?" Why is the divorce rate so high among straight people? The whole Vegas in-and-out, drive-through wedding should not exist is marriage is such an untouchable privilege. If Rush Limbaugh and Larry King can have three or four wives, then why can't I have one? So that would probably be my biggest argument.
WCT: So you plan on marching down the aisle in fall of 2011—so you're not concerned about details right now.
CB: I have no idea what we're going to wear. This is all such a shock; I cannot believe we've garnered all this attention, although I think it's great as far as all the dialogue is concerned. But I'm absolutely floored. However, my mom plans a great wedding. However, I'm not used to people staring at me as I walk down a big aisle; I'd rather party at the reception.
What I find interesting is that Deb pointed out to me the other day that Iowa seems to be doing OK [ financially ] because of all the same-sex couples coming in to get married. ... I think if people put it in an economic context, people would get it; think of all the jobs—wedding planners, florists, bands and DJs you could employ if they legalized same-sex marriage here. We joked that we should call it a "jobs bill," and it would then pass.
WCT: So if and when a marriage-equality law is passed in Illinois, would you two get married here again?
CB: I don't know; that's a really good question. We're going to spend our money in Illinois to have the reception; our family is going to be staying in Chicago hotels and we're hiring Chicago people—we're just having the legal ceremony in Iowa.
If we needed to do that so that it's recognized in Illinois, I think we would. But if [ the Iowa marriage ] is recognized here, I don't think we would.
WCT: We've covered the legal and the political, but let's talk about the personal. What led you to say "yes" to Deb?
CB: It sounds so cliched, but it's true: We just have so much fun together. She has the most wonderful sense of humor, and we make each other laugh. We love to travel. We bring out the best in each other. We challenge each other to be better people. She calls me on my stuff and I call her on her stuff; we're able to keep things real and in [ the proper ] perspective.
Deb was very insistent at the beginning of the relationship that we keep our personal space—not distance. I would've been around her 24/7, but she said, "We're gonna spend some time apart," and I think that's the best thing she did. At the moment, I knew she was the one.
I would like to say, for the record, that she is very attractive. But, longevity-wise, you've gotta have that sense of humor. We make each other better, and that's what it's all about.
