Ghetto Mail
QUEENS ON QE2: Episode I
My dear darling Matthew just took me on the trip of my dreams—a transatlantic crossing on Queen Elizabeth 2. (No, I did not forget to use the article ... in the world one enters upon stepping aboard many things are slightly changed.). For example: QE2 is always a ship, never a boat; a transatlantic crossing is NOT a cruise; and the December crossing is often favored by those who enjoy inclement weather.
On QE2 the world is stratified by where one dines. The most expensive passage involves dining in the Queens Grill; next, on par with each other, are the Princess and Britannia Grills; then there is the Caronia restaurant. And the post-modern euphemism for steerage is dining in the Mauretania restaurant. We had the pleasure of eating our meals in the Britannia Grill.
Our first evening (dressed informally in our dark blue London suits—one never did wear dinner jackets on the first or last night of a crossing dontcha know!) we sat down across from, "you just won't believe it hey," a delightful couple from Zimbabwe by the names of Kevin and Peter. It being but a tiny world, Kevin knew of the Meikles (with whom I lived during my time out in Zim in the '80s) as well as a late but dear friend of my father's, Mack Kirkpatrick. Needless to say, it made for a festive and breezy meal.
The food was astonishing, and throughout the trip I attempted to eat something from every course offered—twice having two desserts. Some selected items worth recalling: Smoked Salmon Rose with Sevruga Caviar; Roast Milk Fed Veal Loin with Sautéed Wild Mushrooms, Rosemary Jus, Risotto Primavera and Seasonal Fresh Vegetable Bouquet; Chilled Sparkling Nectarine Soup; Chilled Rhubarb Soup; Chilled Pineapple Soup with Mint (can ya tell She loved the chilled soups); Fresh Monk Fish Fillet on Steamed Vegetable Spaghetti, Creamy Saffron Sauce and Purple Potatoes; Butterscotch Rum Baba; the most unbelievable beef broth I've evah tasted; heavenly chateaubriand; and of course the ubiquitous 'variety of international cheeses and crackers.'
I discovered that:
1. I do like rosé (but dry rosé ... had only ever had that ghastly sweet stuff before)
2. I could very easily have caviar for every meal and not get sick of it, and
3. that the best method to combat seasickness is to make sure one's stomach is never, EVER empty.
Trust us ... it's true. Carolee Glasgow, d'origine Marshfield, Wisconsin, though she now lives in Orange County, California (and has the most astonishing orange hair), who dined with us the first two nights prior to joining her friends in Caronia (you can dine down on QE2 ... but not up) told us this fact at the beginning and thank goodness she did. For it was a rough crossing, and yet the only times I ever felt remotely sick were in the mornings before breakfast.
Our two waiters in the Grill were Marcus and Emma—both blond and English and tons of fun. And our stewardess, who took care of our needs as far as our stateroom and all was concerned, was Simone. She was German and as efficient as only Germans can be, and also very sweet. We were very lucky in being taken care of by three such dear people who so clearly enjoy their jobs. Indeed, not only were virtually all the crew members one encountered utterly charming, but so were most of the passengers we fell in with.
Through Kevin and Peter we had our entrée into the fun circle on board. That is, the gang from Zim which included Eugene, a septuagenarian marathon runner and gambler, a recent gay divorcee named Briden, and a bright couple named Keith (better known as Kitty) and his partner Tommy Patterson. The latter is originally from Belfast and has lived in Zim for over 20 years. He has all the charm and wit of the Irish ... and between the two of us we raised quite a ruckus—though sadly he doesn't recall that moment at 4 a.m. in the Yacht Club Friday (or was it Saturday?) when we trod the unbelievable cliché of being two drunk Irishmen singing "I'll Taaaaaaaaake You Hoooooome Again Kathleeeeeeen!" Sven the bartender from Hamburg wasn't much amused.
Stay tuned for Episode II in which we detail a modern Unsinkable Molly Brown (a madcap millionairess with a passion for haute couture and bad weather at sea), life in the crew bar, and our maritime drag debut.
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