Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2023-12-13
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor

  WINDY CITY TIMES

REFUGE OF MEMORY
by Mubarak Dahir
2001-04-11

This article shared 1321 times since Wed Apr 11, 2001
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


It is a windy but warm Sunday afternoon in Dallas, Texas. I am standing on the balcony of a Freudian-named bar called Moby Dick's.

The balcony is unusually crowded this afternoon, filled mostly with stocky, burly men who have come to define the "bear" contingent of our community. The gathering is a good-bye party, the last official event of this year's Texas Bear Round Up, or TBRU as it is more frequently called by bears in the know.

In the past several years, a whole string of comparable bear social events has sprung up around the country. Some are similarly acronymed with the appropriate letters, like San Francisco's IBR for International Bear Rendezvous. Others incorporate the bear moniker into their titles in some cutesy way, like HiBearNation in St. Louis, or Bear Bust in Orlando. These bear gatherings have become stand-ins for the circuit parties into which those of us who are hefty and hairy never quite felt welcomed.

Dressed in the standard-issue bear outfit of jean cut-offs, a plain white T-shirt and a leather vest, I am standing on Moby Dick's balcony with a Bud Lite, surveying the crowd.

I've taken refuge on the balcony as a respite from the oppressively packed bar, where there is more pushing than conversation. For the moment, the sport of cruising has become a bit of a chore. In such crowds, I find it difficult to catch anyone's eye in particular. In such an ocean of look-alike men, individuals almost blur into the greater picture, and as I stand there staring at all the carbon copies, it hits me that we bears are the new clones of the gay world—buzzed heads, thick beards, hairy chests, gym arms.

Only the Dallas bears stand out from the others here, distinguishable for their stiffly starched collar shirts—something foreign to most of us in the bear crowd who hail from other parts of the country. Image, some of the Dallas boys tell me, is of utmost importance in this town, something that is repeated this particular weekend with an odd mix of both disdain and elitism. They've even come up with a word for the particular brand of disposition here: they call it "Dallitude." Indeed, it is the butt of many jokes over the weekend, from Dallas residents and out-of-towners alike.

But I am soon reminded of a different kind of attitude I once learned in Dallas. One that forever altered the arc of my life as a gay man. I'd temporarily forgotten about it until this Sunday afternoon on the deck of Moby Dick's.

As more and more men come out of the bar to exchange the smoke in their lungs for a little oxygen, I get pushed further out onto the deck. Soon my body is pressing against the balcony railing. I turn around, for the first time this afternoon turning my back to the bears and instead looking out onto the street.

Moby Dick's is located in the gay section of the city known as Oak Lawn. It's seated at the intersection of Cedar Springs Road and Throckmorton Street, right smack in the heart of the "gay strip." Cedar Springs Road is dotted with gay novelty stores, restaurants, bars and sidewalk cafes. From my balcony perch, I can see into the windows of the gay stores, and watch as gaggles of gay men roam the street. It looks like a lot of gay districts that populate the major urban cities around the country, and at first, I don't give it much thought at all.

But then I notice the legions of gay men lounging along the sidewalk cafes, and a particular memory of this place is triggered.

It was July 4th weekend, 15 years ago, and I was a 22-year-old college student. Along with five other classmates, I had a summer job inspecting buildings on Army bases around the country. The six of us drove two motor homes across the country that summer, spending most of our time in desolate Army compounds hidden away in very rural settings.

My friends and family thought I'd taken that summer job because I liked to travel, and I'd get the chance to drive across the country. But the real reason was much darker. Still struggling with my homosexuality, I had found the cruisy places on campus: certain bathrooms where guys hung out during the day, thickets of bushes where you could cruise and have sex at night. Though the encounters were terrifying and made me feel dirty, I couldn't stop myself from going to them. I thought if I could just get away from those places of temptation that summer, I could kick being gay.

For a lot of the summer that worked. Holed up in close quarters with five classmates, I had neither the opportunity nor the courage to go off in search of much gay life. What I did find in rural America was just like the cruisy spots from which I was so desperately trying to escape.

But when the Fourth of July weekend presented me with four days off, I rented a car and drove from Ft. Sil, Oklahoma, down to Dallas.

Dallas was the first city where I'd found a "gay ghetto." It was the first time I saw men kiss unafraid in public, in broad daylight. It was the first time I saw pink triangles posted proudly on store windows and bumper stickers. It was the first time I felt comfortable to be gay.

Though I don't remember his name, the man I got to know that weekend in Dallas changed my life. He was a furry, mustached man about 40 years old, and a doctor. We met late one evening at a bar on the strip, and he took me back to his house, nearby in Oak Lawn. The next morning, to my surprise, he took me to breakfast at an outdoor café in the heart of the gay ghetto, where everyone could see us together. It was the first time I'd ever done anything nonsexual with a gay man in a public place. It made me realize for the first time, really, that I could be gay and normal. It's such a naïve statement, it's embarrassing today to admit it. But back then, it was an epiphany, and it was the beginning for me of a whole new outlook that would shape the rest of my life.

When I turned back around on the balcony at Moby Dick's, and looked into the crowd of bears there, I couldn't help but wonder if there was a particular Dallas doctor among them. I wanted to thank him for the new attitude he and his city showed me so long ago.

Dahir receives email at MubarakDah@aol.com


This article shared 1321 times since Wed Apr 11, 2001
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

Out and Aging
Presented By

  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

Mr. Chicago Leather 2024 at Touche, Vince Jay takes title 2024-02-02
- A diverse group of people from around the world gathered at Touché Chicago for the Mr. Chicago Leather 2024 Contest the evening of Jan. 27. Ammar Houssamo hosted the event, at which Mr. Chicago Leather 2022-23 ...


Gay News

Mr. Chicago Leather contest returns to Touche following 2022 controversy 2024-02-01
- The Mr. Chicago Leather contest returned this past weekend, January 26-28, to Touché Chicago, over a year after numerous community members were incensed by a racist incident. But the bartender who quit Touché following the incident ...


Gay News

Leather Archives & Museum announces 2024 Fetish Film Forum 2024-01-27
--From a press release - CHICAGO, Illinois—After a wildly successful inaugural year, including a 10-film series at the Leather Archives & Museum and a 5-film series at FACETS, the Leather Archives & Museum is thrilled to announce the continuation of Fetish ...


Gay News

Lark Lux wins Midwest Fetish Title 2023-10-16
- Midwest Fetish and Leather Collective Contest Weekend kicked off Oct. 13 with a meet-and-greet held at Cellblock Chicago. The next day, three contestants vied for the Midwest Fetish Title, with the main contest held at the ...


Gay News

Winners named for Fetish Weekend contest 2023-07-25
- The inaugural Chicago Fetish Weekend awarded its two titles on the evening on July 22. Lil Daddy Bear won the title of Chicago Leather Ambassador, while Riley won the title of Midwest Rubber. ...


Gay News

Chicago Fetish Weekend gets into gear 2023-07-22
- Chicago Fetish Weekend kicked off July 21 with the welcome party, which was held at The Baton. Emcee Pup Figaro introduced the judges, tally masters and the nine contestants vying for the two titles of Midwest ...


Gay News

Passages: Benjamin Feathers passes away 2023-07-06
- Benjamin Feathers, "Pup Fenrir", 41, of Chicago's Uptown neighborhood, died in an apartment fire on July 1. Ben lived a very lively life. He was a lifestyle member of Chicago's Leather community. Like so many others, ...


Gay News

As Pride Month begins, 2Bears Tavern Group issues statement on allyship and safe spaces 2023-06-01
--From a press release - [Chicago, IL — June 1, 2023] As we begin Pride Month, many in the LGBTQIA+ community, and in particular of late, transgender and non-binary people, drag performers, and parts of the leather, fetish, kink, and BDSM ...


Gay News

Barela wins International Mr. Leather title 2023-05-30
- IML45 came to an exciting close at the Auditorium Theater on Sunday Night as the title was awarded to Marcus Barela of Los Angeles, California. Chris Glc of Atlanta, Georgia was awarded first runner up, and ...


Gay News

IML visitors are off to (the leather) market 2023-05-28
- International Mr. Leather visitors shopped and took part in demonstrations at the event's famous (infamous?) Leather Market at the Congress Hotel over Memorial Day weekend. Several dozen vendors took part in the event; a portion of ...


Gay News

IML 2023 begins 2023-05-26
- Visitors from around the world gathered in the Florentine Room of the Congress Hotel on May 25 to kick off the opening ceremonies of the 2023 installment International Male Leather. The event was emceed by Thib ...


Gay News

Bears, cubs and their admirers return for Illinois Bear Contest 2023-04-11
- Visitors and Chicagoans gathered at Charlies Chicago, 3726 N. Broadway, on April 7 to kick off the Illinois Bear Contest weekend, the first since 2019. The contest itself took place the following evening at Leather Archives ...


Gay News

Puppy & Handler Contest returns 2023-02-21
Joseph Stephens - The Midwest Puppy & Handler Contest took place the weekend of Feb. 17-18 for the first time since 2019. The contest's meet-and-greet was held at Cellblock Feb. 17. The contest itself was hosted by the Leather ...


Gay News

Chicagoans gather for Jackhammer re-opening 2023-01-30
Photos by Joseph Stevens - Rogers Park leather and fetish bar Jackhammer held its grand re-opening the evening of Jan. 27 after a long renovation process. The longtime North Side watering hole opened in 1999, taking over the space previously occupied ...


Gay News

ONYX Midwest forum tackles racist performance at Touche's anniversary party 2023-01-22
- In a response to the racist performance that took place at the leather, fetish and bear-focused Touche Chicago's 45th anniversary celebration on Nov. 1, 2022, ONYX Midwest hosted a community forum Jan. 21 at The Leather ...


 


Copyright © 2024 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.

All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 
 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor


 



Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam     
Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.