I look at my life compared to the lives of others and for a moment ... I'm saddened.
I see all that they have accomplished materially, financially, educationally and in their relational unions and I feel inadequate.
Here I am 40 years old and I am nowhere near where I should be, according to the standards of society. I'm looked upon as a failure; to some incredibly irresponsible; to others an adult child ... a late bloomer if you will; and to the rest as trifling.
What do I do with this heavy overcast? How do I continue to press forward with my head held high in spite of being put down by others? What makes them so much more superior than me?
If I didn't allow myself to get pulled down into the dark hole ... what would I see? What HAVE I accomplished at 40 that others haven't? What roads have I traveled that they know nothing of? What experiences have helped to build my spiritual character? What do I consider to be MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS? How would the lives of others compare to mine? Hmm ... let's see.
I have written and published two books; one a collection of journal entries and the other my blueprint for dating without losing sight of yourself.
I have created and kept afloat financially a company that I gave birth to ... while being unemployed, dealing with life, going through breakups and even being told to 'give up' on my dream by others, who in their own minds thought that they were being helpful, since they couldn't see the non-monetary value it was bringing to my life.
I have coached many people through my writings, my columns, my books, my conversations, my e-mails, my friendships and my relationships far beyond anything money could ever buy.
I have successfully raised two very loving and emotionally healthy children in spite of all of the challenges, separations and oppositions that we as a family have had to face.
I have sent my oldest child to live with his father because it was what was in his best interest; in spite of the fact that my heart and soul aches for him every day; my mind remembers when we ( the three of us ) were together as a family; my youngest and I feel incomplete without him; I feel as though a part of me is missing; I feel guilty for separating my two boys, etc. But as a mother, his mother, I want what's best for him and I do what's best for BOTH of them regardless to how it makes me feel.
I have continued to press forward with my education even though it is taking me way longer than what I would have liked.
I have even found an area of study that speaks to my soul and I have pursued that with everything I have inside of me ... .
If you are interested in reading the rest of this letter of love to myself ... log on to the Web site www.purrfectharmonyinc.com and click on the November Article link on the home page.
Yes, I'm baring it all ... but I wouldn't be myself if I didn't. If you've followed the column and/or read my book ... you know that I am all about sharing. I am hoping that by my sharing with you my struggles to live my life Purrfectly Authentic, that you will see that I'm just as 'normal' as you are and in turn instill in you the same determination and courage to live your life 'Purrfectly Authentic' as well ... you so deserve it.
anita@purrfectharmonyinc.com
