Thank you to all. I have my copy of Oleta Adams, Everything Must Change, and I danced and sang to it in my office while my son watched and smiled the same day it came in the mail. You see, I have soooo much to laugh, sing, dance and get excited about. For those of you who have been following the column for the past three months, you know that I have been going through a rough transition process and sharing with you has been my form of therapy.
As a person who lived my life doing for others, nurturing others, putting others' needs and wants first, the strides that I have made in the past three weeks alone, are enough to sing about. I have been able to see myself the way that others see me. I have been able to shed the cocoon of fear, fear of stepping out on my own strength—my own faith and standing up for myself due to thinking that I was being self-ish or that others needed me more than I needed myself. HA!
Now, I am forever preaching to you the difference between being self-ish and self-preserving, however, in my nurturing the entire world first, this has been difficult for me. I have been presented with situations where I normally would have held my tongue, denied myself that which I really wanted to do or not do, or not stepped out on faith due to what I felt the emotional ramifications would be one someone else would be and I stood strong.
Well, I sing because I'm happy. I sing because I'm free. I have recalled my spirit from the many different places that I had donated, given and projected it to and 'WE' are back together now. I had to sing the words of Oleta's 'Get Here' to my spirit … 'I don't care how you get here … just get here if you can.' Well, it did … it has and I feel more complete than I have felt in years. One of my favorite books is The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. She poses the question to the reader if they felt they could disappoint another to be true to themselves. Well … YES! I stood in the center of the Fire and shouted YES! I can, I have and I will continue to do so ... for I am the most important person to me first.
You are probably thinking … what has gotten into her? Truth, reality, acceptance, divine order and understanding, unconditional love for who … MYSELF! Sometimes we get so caught up in not wanting to give off the impression that we are full of ourselves that we forget what all we actually encompass. Then one day not standing next to ourselves, but complete within ourselves, and our eyes become opened … wide open. We see deep down into the center of who we are, who we have been all along and we make a vow never to lose sight of that again, no matter who … no matter what.
When this happens, those things and people that you thought were necessary for your happiness and your existence, you realize aren't necessary at all. They are nice to have as company along your journey here, however, the only thing that is necessary to you for you, is genuine love of self; the ability to detect bullshit when bullshit has the nerve to look you straight in your face and the grounding in yourself enough to not allow people and the lessons that they need to learn here in this lifetime deter you from yours.
All of us would like to turn around, stretch out our hand to those we love and bring them to where we are within our spirits, but you can't. To push someone beyond their comfort zone is not healthy for you or for them. They will resent you for it and your spirit will be drained because of it. I have learned something; if you have to fight with someone to give them something that would be of help to them … they are not worthy of your energy. Communicating, expressing your needs and wants, having your feelings validated, your word respected, your integrity appreciated, should not be as difficult as pulling teeth. When the right person comes along for you … it will just flow. Believe that. Happy Valentine's Day!