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Pretzel Logic
by David J. Magdziarz

This article shared 1381 times since Wed Aug 6, 2003
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Remember that Monty Python episode where the Vikings were singing 'spam, spam, spam, spam ... ?' Well, with all the spam I have been getting in my in box recently, here's a Pretzel Logic look at those annoying e-mails.

And With Luck You Will Win An Spell Checker, And Learn How To Capitalize

Actual spam subject line: 'YOU WON A All Inclusive disney Vacation'

With An Offer Like That How Can I 'Loose' (Or Lose Weight)?

Subject line of an E-mail I received in July of this year: 'Loose Weight For The New Year.'

Flyin' HGH In The Friendly Sky

Sample subject lines of about 10,000 e-mails I have received in the past hour or so: 'reverse clogged arteries with hgh, 1 month free; Lose weight, no exercising with HGH; Look great & feel great with all natural HGH; One month free, HGH; hgh guaranteed weight loss formula! don't delay; Say goodbye to unwanted fat with HGH! 1 month free!; eliminate stress, fatigue & depression with hgh!; Free HGH great offer! lose weight; Great free supply, HGH; All natural weight loss with HGH; free hgh miracle age reversing formula!; Lose weight with HGH without dieting; Consider great health care with HGH; incredible health & weight loss plan with hgh; improve your health free with hgh; HGH 100% guaranteed anti-aging formula; HGH Anti-aging pill! 1st month free!' OK, call me crazy, but for some odd reason I bet that this HGH stuff isn't worth SHT.

Especially If You Don't Order

Another E-mail subject line: 'No need to feel grief, embarrassment, or shame ordering prescriptions'

Like The One You Just Sent?

If the guy who sent the E-mail with this subject line was not a scam, he'd put himself out of business. The subject line? 'stop the spam'

Random Acts Of E-Mail - Part One

'an orgasm is just the beginning; Intensify Your Cup Size Rapidly; it doesn't cost to look at this; Be a master in bed!; My hot boots can be yours!; BEEFY BOOTS = BULGIN' BASKET!; Intensify Your Cup Size Rapidly; Striking New Breasts Right Away; don't buy expensive car warranties; apple cider weight loss; Be Cool And Self-assured With Your Delightful Smile; This One Simple 'CLICK' Can Change Your Financial Life!; Enhance Your Breasts Size Safe And Sound; Can I?; Do You Need Any Golf Balls?; extra cash by acting NOW; Transform your rod into a monster.'

After reading the above collection of E-mail subject lines, I have come to the conclusion that the spam we receive bears only scant resemblance to our actual lives.

Random Acts Of E-Mail - Part Two

After re-reading the above collection of E-mail subject lines, I have to add that I really would appreciate fewer E-mails about breast size and more about those beefy boots.

I Takes My Gospel Whenever It's Poss'ble, And I Takes It With A Grain Of Salt

'Transform your rod into a monster'? Not only am I insulted by the insinuation, hasn't that one spammer ever heard of the Biblical tale of David and Goliath?

If you have ever named any of your private parts after a Biblical figure, E-mail me at, and include a photo if poss'ble. If you just want to spam me, sorry, I don't have E-mail.

This article shared 1381 times since Wed Aug 6, 2003
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