A column that mentions Brad, boots and butts can mean only one thing: some totally improper Pretzel Logic public fantasizing about country cutie Brad Paisley.
Maybe They Thought It Would Be Too Hardcore?
The title of Brad Paisley's new CD is Mud On The Tires, and the cover photo shows Brad dressed in bright white clothes, including cowboy hat, shirt and jeans, sitting in a ditch and splattered all over with mud. It's kind of kinky and hot, but WHY IN THE NAME OF GOD DID THEY CUT THE MUD-COVERED COWBOY BOOTS OUT OF THE PHOTO?
Fire That Graphic Artist!
The back photo on the CD shows Brad in jeans and a tight white T-shirt standing in front of a huge pile of old tires. But you can only just barely tell that his boots and the ends of his jeans are covered in mud, because THE FUCKING IDIOT WHO DESIGNED THE LAYOUT PUT A BUNCH OF SMALL WHITE TEXT OVER THE BEST PART!
What, No Monica?
One song on Brad's new album is 'The Cigar Song,' which is about a guy who buys a bunch of Cuban cigars, insures them, smokes them, gets the insurance money because they were destroyed in 'a series of small fires,' but then gets arrested for 'twenty-four separate counts of arson.'
What Next, A Song About A Viagra Ad?
A couple of week's before Brad's album was released someone e-mailed me a joke about a guy who buys a bunch of Cuban cigars, insures them, smokes them, gets the insurance money, but then gets arrested for arson. Either I'm on Brad's e-mail list and don't know it, or Brad has taken up singing spam.
Maybe it's a fortunate accident of the folds of his jeans, or my wishful thinking, but one photo of the official Brad Paisley calendar sure makes it appear as if Brad's bulging. Maybe he is going to record 'The Viagra Song' after all.
So Sue Me
I wonder if the Litigeous-Control-Freak-Once-Again-Known-As-Prince (who once owned 'Paisley Park Records') will be suing Brad for trademark infringement?
Follow The Bouncing Balls
In June, Brad Paisley's drummer 'streaked' a charity baseball game, running across the bases wearing a baseball cap, sunglasses, sneakers, a gray thong, and a sign around his neck advertising Brad's then-unreleased new album. Now if we can just get Brad to do the same thing ... minus the thong.
Brad's Out Of The Closet
According to a July 17 report by CMT News, Brad Paisley is a 'closet 'Star Trek' fan.'
Cruising Time - Part One
My favorite new T-shirt is the one I bought from Brad Paisley's web site. It's light blue, and has a very hot photo of him in a very tight T-shirt, white cowboy hat and some jeans that seem to be rather nicely packed. On the back of the shirt it says 'I Cruised With Brad On The Grand Ole Opry Cruise. January 11 - 18, 2003.'
Cruising Time - Part Two
OK, just who do Brad's marketing people think will be buying that shirt except for a few people who were actually on the boat trip, and a whole lotta gay country fans?
If you're Brad Paisley you can e-mail me at DaveInChicago773@aol.com .
If you are Brad Paisley's lawyer, sorry, I don't have e-mail.