There's no real theme this week, just random acts of Pretzel Logic free association on everything from bitchy brides to creepy clowns, and pretty paleontologists to ornery online ads.
Heterosexual Marriage: Sacred, Scared Or Scarred?'
Earlier this summer a bride was arrested after she became pissed off that restaurant workers closed the bar at her reception. She threw stuff around, including gifts and wedding cake. After police arrived and placed her in custody, she tried to kick out the window of the police car and tried to bite an officer.
And at a bachelorette party in Wheeling, a 28-year-old male stripper was attacked by the mother of the bride because she thought the stripper, who arrived late and was a stand-in for another stripper, did a poor job and did not pay enough attention to the bride. According to news reports, he was 'punched, kicked and hit over the head with a bottle.' It's at times like this you have to wonder why everyone isn't gay.
He's Still A Clown
Today show weatherman Willard Scott played the first Ronald McDonald back in 1963, using a paper cup nose and a cardboard tray for a hat.
When McDonald's went national with Ronald a short time later, they gave him a makeover. His bright red hair came from a woman's wig that was taken directly off a mannequin in a women's clothing store.
And They're Really Feeling Down About It Too!
News Headline: 'Most depression patients get poor treatment, study says.'
So, Do Paleontologists Ever Wear Cowboy Boots And Snug-Fitting Jeans?
Since the first time I saw his photo in a newspaper some 10 years or so ago, I have thought that University of Chicago paleontologist Paul Sereno, 45, has got to be the finest-looking fossil hunter around. Since I've never met the guy I have no idea if he's straight or not, but I sure do have a bone he can uncover anytime he wants.
Confused About The Term 'Very Laid Back Guy'
An actual online gay personals ad I found: 'Suck on THIS! Muscle guy lkg for 'I suck u, u suck me' type fun ... no fats, fems, uglies, etc. Open for more—very laid back guy here—maybe make new friends :)' Yeah, sounds like he really plays well with others.
Confused About The Term 'Easygoing Nice Guy'
Another actual online personals ad I found: 'Attn. Muscle Gdlkg Men!! Hi Men, Easygoing nice guy lkg for oral fun, workouts and MORE! Cum over for nude exploration and muscle pumps! Liers, fats, fems, wannabes—hit the back button on your browsers ... ' I have a better idea: can't people just hit you instead?
No Fats Or Fems, But What About Bad Spellers?
By the way, Easygoing, the word is 'liars,' not 'liers.' One muscle that guy ain't pumping is his brain.
It's A Small World
It would be just my luck that, through some truly infinitesimal chance, one of the online ads I just quoted above belonged to Paul Sereno.
He Gets So Jealous
Whatever you do, don't let country music cutie Brad Paisley know about Paul.
If you are Paul Sereno, you can e-mail me at DaveInChicago773@aol.com .
If you are Paul Sereno's wife, life partner, child, or legal representative, sorry, I don't have e-mail.