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  NIGHTSPOTS

Pretzel Logic
by David J. Magdziarz
2005-09-07

This article shared 1727 times since Wed Sep 7, 2005
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'Ahhh, sweet freakin' Jesus! The goddamned rodeo is over, and just because the little guy with the unpronounceable last name who writes this Popsicle Lipstick thing, or whatever the hell they call it, had so much corn-pone bullshit he couldn't use it all the other week, we're supposed to put up with yet another stupid country column again? God! Does anybody have a copy of Boi magazine?'

Make That Assault With A 'Delightful' Weapon

Actor Christian Slater was once charged with assault with a deadly weapon when, after evading police in West Hollywood, he kicked a deputy with a pointed-toed cowboy boot.

Yeah, That's The Same Reason Why I Have Dozens Of Pairs Of Them

On an Internet message board I found, as part of a discussion about wearing cowboy boots, one person commenting on some of the 'advantages' of wearing cowboy boots said: 'First, they are about the only kind of footwear that still has a significant manufacturing base in the U.S.'

I'd Rather Be 'Heeled' Than 'Healed'

Another comment from the same Internet message board discussion about cowboy boots: 'Well the cowboy boot disease has definitely [ sic ] started to appear here in Massachusetts... Friend of mine got a pair, bought another pair but they didn't fit - passed them on to another friend. Third friend absolutely [ had ] to buy a pair only about 2 weeks after. A few days later, previously mentioned friend starts wearing the ones donated to him, and now *I* want them - and I don't even like them. Now an ever growing number of people within my circle of friends [ have ] started wearing them. It really seems like people don't 'buy' cowboy boots so much as they 'come down with a case of the cowboy boots.''

Another Reason I'm Glad I'm Not A Straight Guy

At ChristianityToday.com there is a story, 'Give It the Boot,' written by a man who started to hate wearing his cowboy boots only after he married his wife.

These Boots Are Made For Jumping

American Idol runner up Bo Bice on how he recently broke his foot: 'There's a part where I go running across the stage and do these jump-ups and flip around in circles and normally I wear cowboy boots, but about three or four shows ago, they started sliding on me. I was worried I was gonna trip and fall and hurt myself, so I changed to tennis shoes and they got a better grip - too good a grip.' Bo broke his foot during the first song of his set the first time out in the non-country footwear.

OK, He Might Not Be Literate, But He Sure Is Cute

For most of the first week after the release of his new CD, Brad Paisley's web site posted the lyrics to the song 'I'll Take You Back' with the following voyeuristic typo: 'Go on keep trying/Come on keep calling/You know I like it/When you come crawling/It's like music/To hear you balling'

Pee Pee Pants?

A recent Google search with the words 'Keith Urban gay' ( not that the long haired, skinny country singer who when asked in interviews about dating often gives answers that are awkwardly gender-neutral is actually gay ) came up with this particular result fairly high on the list: 'keith urban sex voyeur cam keith urban undessed pee pee pants keith ... Keith urban gay celebrity engagement rings yahoo groups celebrity ...' I didn't know Keith flagged yellow.

If you're one of the people who might have made a comment like the one I used at the start of this week's column, and you still read far enough to read this, please e-mail me at PretzelLogicDave@aol.com and explain to me why.

If you happen to have a pair of Keith Urban pee pee pants, that's OK, you don't need to bother e-mailing me.


This article shared 1727 times since Wed Sep 7, 2005
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