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Pretzel Logic
by David J. Magdziarz

This article shared 4965 times since Wed Oct 1, 2003
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From obscure holidays to obliterated husbands, here's a hodgepodge of Pretzel Logicisms.

Getting Into The Holiday Spirit

Sept. 5 was 'Be Late For Something Day.' Hey, when I celebrate something, I really celebrate it.

Who's Going To Shoot Arnold's Campaign Commercials Now?

Leni Riefenstahl, the German filmmaker who directed the Nazi propaganda film Triumph of the Will for Adolf Hitler died on Sept. 8, 2003. As I continue to keep that holiday spirit alive.

Speaking Of Nazis

John L. Borling, a GOP candidate for U.S. Senator from Illinois, favors a law that would allow gun owners to carry concealed weapons in public. Remember that the next time you sneak into the express lane at the food store with more items than allowed.

Thinning The Herd

A report came out not too long ago stating that shyness might be inherited. Funny, you'd think that trait would die out after a generation or two.

If The Name Fits You Can't Acquit

An Aurora resident, Jeffrey D. Peterman, was recently arrested on charges of indecent exposure.

It Depends On What 'Their' Means

News reports back in June (still keeping that holiday thing going strong) said that the Southern Baptists had announced a campaign to convince gays that they could go straight 'if they accept Jesus and 'reject their sinful, destructive lifestyle.'' As fabulous as it would be to reject the sinful, destructive lifestyle of the Southern Baptists, I don't think that'll make anyone straight.

Going Out With A Bang—Part One

A man named Sienky Lallemand was recently sentenced to four consecutive life sentences for blowing up his lover's husband with a pipe bomb. Don't you just love how heterosexuals hold marriage so terribly sacred?

Going Out With A Bang—Part Two

Although the wife wanted to kill her husband right away, she and Lallemand instead used her husband's personal information to open up credit card accounts and falsely charge more than $200,000 worth of stuff. Lallemand's ex-lover, a female impersonator, helped them in the scheme. Yep, sacred is the word, all right!

Going Out With A Bang—Part Three

When the husband discovered what was up, he filed for divorce and called the police. That's when Lallemand took a VCR box with two pipe bombs in it, had it gift wrapped at Marshall Field's, and sent it to his lover's husband. If you're not working retail, be thankful. Very, very thankful.

Going Out With A Bang—Part Four

After the murder, Lallemand persuaded a woman who worked as an accountant for the show Cops to hide him at her house and to pay $8,100 for plastic surgery to alter his appearance. I guess she never watched the show.

If you have a box from Marshall Field's that you want to give to me, e-mail me at, but whaddya say you open that box for me, OK?

If you are a cross-dressing credit card con, sorry, I don't have e-mail.

This article shared 4965 times since Wed Oct 1, 2003
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