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Pretzel Logic
by David J. Magdziarz
2005-08-03

This article shared 1436 times since Wed Aug 3, 2005
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Although I think it would be a lot better if they called it 'Market Daves,' it is early August, and so it's time for a Pretzel Logic look at Northalsted Market Days.

Chicago's Stonewall

According to a story found at gaytoday.badpuppy.com/garchive/entertain/080299en.htm, the city refused to close Halsted Street for the first few years of Market Days, because 'it couldn't be done.' Then, in the second or third year of the event a bunch of drunken guys ( and presumably drunken gals and those in-between, too ) were having a fun time with water pistols, when a CTA bus came down the street, windows down, and made an all too perfect target. The crowd did what drunken crowds will do, and they shot their water ( and for some beer ) -filled pistols at the bus. The driver took a squirt to the face, so he did the calm, professional and rational thing and radioed in that there was a riot on Halsted Street. The police came and hauled off some festival goers, and even some store owners, to jail. The water pistol-bearing crowd then 'attacked' the police station, shouting 'set our people free,' and eventually those arrested were released. Oddly enough, after that the city found that it wasn't so impossible to close Halsted Street for Market Days, after all.

Don't Even Ask Him About The Rodeo

A friend of mine who is a school teacher ( and who consequently has the summer off ) said that the one thing he doesn't like about Market Days is that it is the first sign that summer is getting close to being over.

Some People Are Never Over The Rainbow

Market Days: The perfect solution if you haven't yet bought enough rainbow-colored crap this year.

The Times They Are A-Changin'

Not all of the vendors selling clothing at Market Days have changing areas, but that doesn't stop people from taking things off to try other things on, and no wonder Market Days draws such a huge crowd.

You Better Be Running Faster Than Their Makeup

If you decide to take one of those super soaker squirt guns to Market Days to help cool off this year's crowd, you might want to think twice before squirting any of the drag queens who are all dressed up for the occasion.

With This Ring

There will be plenty of shirtless guys with nipple rings walking about ( OK… 'cruising' ) , but be sure to ask permission first before you use one of those nipple rings to hold your napkin.

Get A Room

It is considered impolite to use the porta-potties at Market Days for a quickie.

Music To My Ears

According to chicagoevents.com, Market Days 'features three music stages with more than 40 musical acts performing. Many of these artists will be top-name, national headliners, giving Market Days a reputation for some of the best live music in Chicago' which is all well and good, but how about if for at least one goddamned time they actually book a country music act to perform at Market Days? [ editor's note: Damn right! ]

And So Good For You, Too

At last year's Market Days I commented to a friend that some food ( I think it was Thai ) that was being fried smelled good, and my friend replied 'Everything fried smells good.'

Can You Hear Me Now?

In theory using cell phones is a good way to locate friends lost in the mass of people at Market Days, but in reality it is usually so noisy that you are lucky if you can hear your phone ring ( or even feel it vibrate ) , let alone actually hear what the other person is saying.

The Market Days Of Our Lives

Market Days: Another reason to be glad you're not straight.

Not A Side Street, But Maybe Soon A 'Sidetrack' Street

For those of you who only come into Chicago for Market Days, Sidetrack doesn't yet stretch all the way from Belmont up to Addison, but give them time.

If you were there to defend the right of inebriated queens to attack a CTA bus with squirt guns, e-mail me at PretzelLogicDave@aol.com and tell me all about it.


This article shared 1436 times since Wed Aug 3, 2005
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