Michael Jackson is not guilty, the sky isn't blue, I'm not gay, and you aren't reading a Pretzel Logic look at the netherworld known as Neverland.
In More Ways Than One - Part One
Michael Jackson got off.
In More Ways Than One - Part Two
Michael Jackson was found not guilty, but that doesn't equate with his being 'innocent.'
But He Sure As Hell Is As Ugly As It
OK, the not guilty verdicts in the MJ case might mean that Jacko isn't as guilty as sin...
Separating The Men From The Boys
Sun-Times columnist Mary Mitchell said 'the jury's verdict should not be interpreted as a mandate for Jackson.' If Michael had actually looked for mandates he never would have gotten into all that trouble in the first place.
If He Had Really Been 'Fixed' Years Ago He Never Would Have Gotten Into All This Trouble In The First Place
In his song 'This Time Around,' Michael complains about people who were 'trying to get me, hit me, fix me.'
Is He, Perchance, Switching To Dead Bodies?
Recent news headline: 'No more kids in Jackson's bed: Attorney.'
Not To Mention That It's Bad For The Kids. Oh Wait, He Didn't Mention That It Was Bad For The Kids
Michael Jackson's attorney said of Michael and his sleeping habits: 'He's not going to do that [ letting children sleep in his bed ] because it makes him vulnerable to false charges.'
I Would Rank It Somewhere Way, Way, Way Below The Cancellation of the Fox-TV Show 'Greg The Bunny'
On his official web site MJ equated his not guilty verdicts with the birth of Martin Luther King, Jr., the fall of the Berlin Wall and the freeing of antiapartheid activist Nelson Mandela.
It Would Have Brought A Whole New Meaning To The Phrase 'The Jackson 5'
News headline from late May: 'Jury spared viewing of Jackson's genitals'
As The State Of California Cuts Michael Jackson Off From His Chuck E. Cheese's Allowance
Recent news headline: 'States don't have to buy rapists Viagra'
Well, It's Better Than Allowing Michael Jackson Into A Middle School
Recent news headline: 'Man who had bloody chain saw let into U.S.'
Was Michael Jackson In Iowa Recently, Washing His Face?
Recent news story from Carroll, Iowa: 'City officials are perplexed over the discovery of mysterious chunks of flesh that have been clogging up city water lines.'
And It Has Nothing To Do With Michael Thinking It Is The Perfect Age For A Lover
According to one Michael Jackson 'fun facts' web page that I found, Mickey is supposedly fascinated by the number 7 because it 'denotes perfection to Jehovah's Witnesses.'
All That Plastic Surgery Explained
The same web site also says 'When asked what superhero he would choose to be, Jackson responded: 'I like Batman a lot, but if I could choose one, it would be Morph, from the X-Men. He can become anything. He constantly transforms himself.''
Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow
You can go to the Zooass Fun & Games web site located at www.zooass.com/games/neverland/neverland.shtml ( but set your Internet options to block all cookies first ) and play 'Escape From Neverland,' where you are Michael Jackson armed with a gun that shoots nets as you try and stop young boys from breaching the perimeter at Neverland Ranch.
If you have an idea for an on line Pretzel Logic game, e-mail me at PretzelLogicDave@aol.com and tell me all about it.
