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Pretzel Logic
by David J. Magdziarz

This article shared 2768 times since Wed Jun 22, 2005
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It's Gay Pride week in Chicago, so here's a look at what most gay men pride themselves in the most: the naughty bits.

Witness For The Prostitution

The word testicle comes from the Latin word for witness because they testified to a man's virility.

Biblical Balls

The book of Genesis contains passages in which a man who is taking an oath puts his hand 'under the thigh' of the man to whom he is swearing, as in Gen. 24:9, where it says: 'And the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter'. Some Biblical experts say that the phrase 'under the thigh' is an ancient Hebrew euphemism for the practice of actually swearing by placing one's hand on the genitals of the man to whom you are swearing.

I Swear!

My boyfriend, Steve, is Jewish.

Don't Most Gay Guys Go Through That Amount In The Average Weekend?

According to the 'Fun Facts' page at, 'over his lifetime, the average male will produce about 18 quarts of semen.'

As 100% of Gay Men's Eyes Start Looking First To The Lower Left

According to the same web site, 75% of men have their penis hanging to the left in their pants. 17% have their penis hanging to the right and 8% let it hang either way.

The Pretzel Logic Theory Of Penis Placement

According to some web sites I found, the percentage of right handedness in humans is between 70 - 90 percent, but my guess is the exact amount would be 75%, because it's easier to use your right hand take your trouser buddy out of your fly to pee ( or whatever else it is you are doing, you naughty boy ) if it's hanging to the left.

Size Queen - Part One

Again, according to the web site, here are the facts on human penis size:

• 6' & below - 75% of all males

• 7' - 15% of all males

• 8' - 3% of all males

• 9' - only 2 in 1000 men

• 10" - less than 1 in 10,000 men

• 11" - less than 5,000 in the whole world

Size Queen - Part two

According to what you are likely to find in any publication's gay personals section, here

are the 'facts' on homo human penis size:

• 6' & below - 0% of all males

• 7' - 1.5% of all males

• 8' - 30% of all males

• 9' - or more only, please

• 10' - what 10,000 in 10,000 men want in them

• 11" - Way more than 5,000 in any given square city block

I'll Second That

Another statistic from the 'bt' web site is that 'Sexologists estimate that at any given second in the US, approximately 800 men are experiencing orgasm as you read this...'

25,297,920,000 On Leap Years

That means there are 48,000 American men per minute, 2,880,000 per hour, 69,120,000 per day, and 25,228,800,000 per year shooting their loads, and all of you are starting to feel a bit frisky, aren't you?

Less Filling, Tastes Great

According to various web sites I found, there are anywhere between 2 to 7 calories and .1 gram of protein in every 5 cubic centimeters of human semen, so feel free to freely feel, and indulge in each other.

I Guess That Means For The Average Gay Guy, The Answer Is 'It Can'

One health-related web site, while discussing the nutritional value of human semen, stated 'Can swallowing semen enrich a poor diet? Unless you're gulping gallons of it each day, it's no substitute for real nutritious cuisine.'

If your fingers aren't too sticky from reading this column to use a computer keyboard, you can e-mail me at

This article shared 2768 times since Wed Jun 22, 2005
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