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Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2022-03-16



Pretzel Logic
by David J. Magdziarz

This article shared 1845 times since Wed May 11, 2005
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Pretzel Logic opens wide this week to give its readers head… or at least a column's worth of items based on newspaper story headlines ( some more recent than others ) all from the Chicago Sun-Times.

He's Suing The Sun-Times Next

'Midget sues grocer, cites belittling remarks'

The Whistle Is Distraught

'Plumber says city fired him for blowing the whistle'

Take This Job…

'Man poisoned coffeepot to get boss, cops say'

As Lesbians Everywhere Prepare To Declare War On Our Neighbor To The North

'Wisconsin may allow cat hunting'

As Lesbians Everywhere Rush Out To Buy Or Rent Ape Costumes

'Suit says women ordered to show ape their breasts'

As Lesbians Everywhere Rush Out To Buy Or Rent Tiger Cub Costumes ( And Buy Atlases To Find Out Where The Hell Myanmar Is )

'Myanmar mom breastfeeds tiger cubs'

Get Him An Ape Costume

'Panda readies for dates with porn'

As Long As It Keeps Him To Busy To Sing

'Bolton moves toward approval as U.N. ambassador'

Was She Playing Michael Bolton CDs?

'Cops: Neighbors music a sonic attack'

'Amen' or 'Ahhh, Men'?

Lutherans may open up to gays'

I Guess They Don't Make Lutheran Monks

'Ancient monastic island turns back tourists: Mediterranean monks use hedge to win war with ferries'

An Hour Later You Want To Listen To Crappy, Misogynist Music Again

'Chinese reinventing Mao as a rapper'

As Archeologists Finally Discover Little Jim's

'Oldest modern human fossils identified'

As George Bush Discovers Little Jim's

'White House says critics 'trolling for trash''

Which Would Be Totally Understandable If They Were Those Of Some Hot Guy, And Wrapped In A Nice, Hot Pair Of Tony Lamas

'Wisconsin man accused of having sex with calves'

Taster's Choice

'State giving away flavored condoms'

Lesbian Taster's Choice

'Public breast-feeding pushed'

Financially, Morally, Or Both?

A fairly recent newspaper story headline about a certain ( alleged ) pedophile named Michael: 'Jackson's almost broke, prosecutor says'

Whaddya Think?

'What happens to teens who swear to stay virgins?'

Mission Not Accomplished

'White House: Post-Taliban Afghanistan nearly a narco-state'

There's Trouble In River City

'Acting River Grove mayor defeats genital-piercing rival'

Maybe He Once Told Her To Go Fuck Herself

'Doctor says ex-fiancee saved sperm to impregnate herself'

Should That Be 'Who' Instead Of 'For'?

'Catholic bishops screen priests for cruise ships'

Did The Bishops Screen Them, Too?

'Navy chaplains' misconduct rate outstrips rest of officers combined'

So You Have To Ask Yourself: 'Did You Do Your Homework, Punk?'

'NRA official: Teachers with guns could prevent killings'

And Became NRA Members by 16

'Neanderthal kids reached adulthood by 15, study says'

School Of Hard Knockers

'Career day topic: Strippers make great money'

Computer Virus?

'You've got mail - and maybe an STD'

If you are offended that I made a joke about recently deceased Frank Perdead, you can e-mail me at and tell me how insensitive I am.

This article shared 1845 times since Wed May 11, 2005
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


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