With the exception of a couple weeks last June/July, a 12-hour period last IML, and the occasional 15-minute period in certain less-than-reputable bars, I've been single the whole time I've written for Nightspots. Well, I guess the Devil's looking for a parka, because here's a Pretzel Logic look at the fact that I recently began dating a guy named Steve.
Happy Anniversary - Part One
After several months of getting to know each other first, we decided on the day after Steve's birthday to go the 'boyfriend' route, and at one point during the evening I said to him 'You know, Steve, should it work out, this will make it easy to remember our anniversary.'
I hope country music cutie Brad Paisley doesn't get too jealous.
Happy Anniversary - Part Two
Given that this is a gay relationship, will we still be dating from the time I have written this until the time it gets published, which is typically about one week?
'L'chaim' or 'Lick Him'?
Since Steve's Jewish, does that make me his 'goy toy'?
Happy Anniversary - Part Three
Sometimes it's two weeks or, God forbid, even more, between the time I write a column and when it gets published, and wouldn't that reduce the chances we'll still be together to something like minus eight percent?
No Silly, I Said 'Steve,' Not 'Dave'
In the past I've slept with some guys named Dave, and the great thing about that is that when I say 'Dave, you're the best!', they think I am talking about them.
Happy Anniversary - Part Four
Another comment I made that first night was 'Even if things don't work out between us, maybe you and I could still do that whole 'sex-with-your-ex' thing.'
Putting The 'Mary' Into 'Hail Mary'
It's early the next morning after I spent my first night at Steve's. I wake up. Steve is asleep. It dawns on me after a while that there is this unearthly, gentle music emanating from somewhere. It's not church music. Besides, there's no church next to Steve's place. So, that's not it. Am I dreaming? Did I die? Is being with Steve more heaven that I realized? Is the Archangel Gabriel about to announce an immaculate conception that'll really make the heads of the religious right whackos explode? Oh Christ, Steve is Jewish! Wait… Why the hell couldn't Steve have just warned me that his clock radio/CD player is set so that it plays some New Age CD in the morning?
Our Biggest Laugh ( And Biggest Stereotype ) So Far
The next morning when Steve dropped the soap as we were taking a shower together.
Steve is about 6' while I am about 5'5'; Steve is very laid back, and I can be a bit more on edge; Steve leads me on the two steps and shadow dances, while I lead him on the waltzes and the occasional East Coast swing; Steve has one pair of cowboy boots, and I own about 70 pairs.
How Do Those Silly Rumors Start, Anyway?
The Friday after we started dating Steve and I were at Charlie's, and the change in our relationship was getting obvious. Our friend Lorenzo asked Steve if he and I were a couple, and Steve replied yes. Lorenzo then said 'I hope you like boots.'
We Should've Showered With Our Boots On
The complete text of an e-mail Steve sent me a few days after that first shower together: 'Does athlete's foot count as a sexually transmitted disease?!?'
Happy Anniversary - Part Five
Will we still be dating after Steve reads this column?
If Steve wants to send me a 'Dear David John' letter, he can e-mail me at PretzelLogicDave@aol.com