dI ended the last column of 2004 with a reference to country music cutie Brad Paisley, so what better way to ring in the Boot Year, I mean the 'New Year,' but with a whole column of Brad bits?
His Place Or Mine?
Back in late September I got an e-mail from country music cutie Brad Paisley's official web site asking 'Want to Get Muddy With Brad?'
If Only Brad Meant It As An R-Kelly-Style Video
Unfortunately, it wasn't that Brad had heard of my… um, 'interest' in him and that he wanted to get raunchy on the ranch. However, the e-mail was an invitation to, as the subject line of the video said, 'BE IN BRAD'S NEW VIDEO TOMORROW!!!'
Let's See, It's 10:00 PM On The 29th, And I Need To Be There At 9:00 AM Tomorrow Morning, So If I Leave Within The Next 30 Minutes, And Drive At Least 100 MPH Nonstop…
In order to be in the video shoot for Brad's song 'Mud On The Tires,' I'd have to have been in Nashville at 9:00 a.m. on September 30, and I didn't read the e-mail until September 29 at maybe 10:00 p.m. or so, but that didn't stop me from thinking…
If They Only Knew…
The e-mail's closing line was 'Please come dressed to have a good time and possibly get muddy.'
Grad Versus Brad Equals Sad
Unfortunately for me, I had just started two project-heavy graduate school classes a week or two before that date, and I had a major project due that next Tuesday, so I was not able to go, and damn graduate school to Hell anyway!
For Those Prices It's Gonna Need To Be REALLY Private, And Also Be A 'Meat' & Greet, If You Know What I Mean...
In other Brad Paisley news, I also got an e-mail about Brad Paisley's ''Mud on the Boat' 7 Night Cruise to the Western Caribbean,' with prices ranging from $929 to $1,319 ( per person, based on double occupancy, and not including transportation to Galveston, TX ) with 'The FIRST 200 to book get a private 'Meet & Greet' with Brad Paisley!'
If Only I Could Get Brad To Lend Me A Hand In My Search
In the spirit of that decade-old grilled cheese sandwich supposedly containing a likeness of the Virgin Mary that recently sold for $28,000 on e-Bay, I've been looking for a cum stain that looks like Brad Paisley.
Quick, To The Bradpole
You'll be able to tell which car on Halsted Street is mine by my 'Put A Little Mud On The Tires/Brad Paisley' license plate brackets. I call it the 'Bradmobile.'
Well, I Always Hoped He Was Hung...
In a CD collection of songs inspired by the movie 'The Passion of the Christ,' Brad Paisley and Sara Evans sing a song which has Brad cast in the role of a crucified-but not-yet-dead Jesus speaking to his mother, and who woulda thought Brad could turn the tables and finally creep me out?
...And Maybe He Is
A recent Google search of 'Brad Paisley penis' came up with '... in *The Big Book of Filth* ( Cassell ) as a synonym for 'penis.' *The Big ... Well an extremely good possibility is this kid Brad Paisley, who's just put out his ...'
If you're Brad Paisley and you need someone to clean your muddy boots, and who promises to give them back without ever wearing them, or doing anything else in them at all, cross my heart, honest-to-God, and I'd never just plain keep them for myself either, nosireebob, not me, I promise, I really, really do, you can e-mail me at PretzelLogicDave@aol.com