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  NIGHTSPOTS

Pretzel Logic
by David J. Magdziarz
2003-10-29

This article shared 1599 times since Wed Oct 29, 2003
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With all the violence and drug addiction in the world today, it's always comforting to look to our conservative brethren to gain inspiration from their noble example of how to live.

Pat's The Bomb

Christian (?) broadcaster Pat Robertson recently commented on his show that the State Department should be blown up with a nuclear bomb. Interviewing an author of a book critical of the State Department, Pat said "I read your book. When you get through, you say, 'If I could just get a nuclear device inside Foggy Bottom (the Washington, DC neighborhood where the State Department's headquarters are located), I think that's the answer.' I mean, you get through this, and you say, 'We've got to blow that thing up.' "

Enola Pat?

Back in June the Reverend (?) Pat Robertson made another comment about blowing up the State Department. At that time he said "Well, it looks like Congress had better do something, and maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up."

Blow Me Down

Remember when Pat said that God was going to send hurricanes, meteors and other disasters to punish Orlando, Florida because of the annual "Gay Days" at Disney World?

Instead of awful Orlando being smitten by God's wrath, Hurricane Bonnie hit Virginia Beach, Virginia, the home of Pat's Christian Broadcasting Network. So maybe Pat should just shut the fuck up ... or, on second thought, maybe not.

Golden Opportunity

Robertson criticized George Bush for calling on Liberian president Charles Taylor to resign, and criticized the State Department for "supporting" Muslim rebels instead of Taylor. Pat supports Taylor because Taylor is a Christian, and a Baptist minister. Pat is silent about Taylor's war crimes indictment, and his history of political repression and arms dealing. Pat is also silent about his Christian Broadcasting Network's heavy investment in a Liberian gold-mining venture.

Lush Rimbaugh?

Rush Limbaugh, that champion of law and order, has admitted to being addicted to drugs such as Lorcet, hydrocodone, and OxyContin. (Remember, it's not criminal to allegedly get huge quantities of drugs from your housekeeper as long as they are PRESCRIPTION drugs that she is supplying.) In addition to alleviating pain and producing euphoria, those drugs can also lead to decreased alertness, which explains half the crap he says.

A Good Reason For Her To Take Drugs

Lush's, sorry ... I mean "Rush's" former housekeeper said that in order to surreptitiously pat her down to see if she was wearing a wire, he once grabbed her, kissed her passionately and felt all over her body, and on another occasion he grabbed her chest and pulled her blouse outward in an attempt to snag his fingers on any wire transmitter she might be wearing.

You Want Fries With Your Opium-Derived Narcotics?

Rush, a conservative stalwart of clean, honest living and traditional family values, allegedly chose a Denny's parking lot to meet his pusher, sorry ... I mean "housekeeper" for drug purchases.

He's Still Toxic

Rush, who is now in rehab, has twice previously gone through detox.

If you are Rush Limbaugh and have gotten over the restlessness, body pain, insomnia, diarrhea and vomiting associated with drug withdrawal, you can e-mail me at DaveInChicago773@aol.com .


This article shared 1599 times since Wed Oct 29, 2003
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