Windy City Media Group Frontpage News


home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2022-12-07



Pretzel Logic
by David J. Magdziarz

This article shared 1638 times since Wed Nov 3, 2004
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

Recently one nice fall Sunday, I went with a few friends to go horseback riding and to enjoy a Hoosier holiday in the Indiana countryside. Naturally there was an abundance of column material…

Waive Bye-Bye – Part One

The stable where we rented the horses required us to sign a liability waiver that was so long rain forests died for each copy. And to make sure the legal-ese took as much fun out of the event as possible, you had to separately initial each specific potential type of danger or risk of injury you might encounter.

Waive Bye-Bye – Part Two

The horse that was ridden by my friend Steve must have known that he had signed that waiver because throughout the ride his horse would intentionally walk in such a way as to try and crunch Steve's legs against tree trunks.

That's What He Gets For Not Riding Uranus

Steve's horse was named Neptune.

Maiden Voyage – Part One

I was riding Maiden, and trust me, I've never ridden one of THOSE before.

Maiden Voyage – Part Two

OK, I guess I can think of one or two guys who might qualify.

Lions, And Tigers, And Steers, Oh My!

After the horseback riding, we drove off to Indiana to visit a dairy farm owned and operated by a friend we know from Charlie's. One of the streets we had to take in order to get to his farm was "Yellow Brick Road".

Bull Dyke?

One of our friend's cows was named Nellie.

I'm Referring To The Four-Legged Variety

Do lesbian cows get offended if you call them bull dykes?

A Cow By Any Other Name

When our fairy farmer friend... sorry, I meant "dairy" farmer friend... showed us two newly born calves, one of us asked if they had been named yet. I said, "This one's Rib Eye and that one is Sirloin."

Nice Buns

When we asked what happened to older dairy cows, our friend said that they often end up as hamburger. My response? "Is this one named Wendy?"

Where Does Leather Come From, Anyway?

With its gritty appearance, stalls, stocks, chutes, milking machines, steel piping, ropes, chains, etc., the barn where the cows are milked would make an excellent leather bar.

Barn To Be Wild

And "The Barn" would be a great name for a leather bar, too.

Udderly Ridiculous Or Cream Of The Crop?

And speaking of milking machines, I wonder how many dairy farmers give into the temptation to at least once...

Steers And Queers

Bull semen is collected by having the bull mount a steer (which is a castrated bull), and directing the bull's penis into an artificial cow vagina that has to be held under the steer by using a long pole.

What A Tease

The steer or other animal used in such a manner is called a "teaser animal."

It Is A Leather Bar!

Other methods of obtaining bull semen include "Massaging vesicular gland and ampullae by way of rectum" and "electroejaculation."

Bi Bulls

One way to increase sex drive in bulls prior to collection of semen is "allowing teaser or another bull to mount the bull to be collected."

Don't Have A Cow

One web site cautioned against using a cow as a teaser because "unless they are in estrus, they rarely enjoy participating in the process, which can easily lead to injury of any and all of those involved."

They're More Receptive

I guess steers must like having sex with bulls more than cows do.

If you're with the American Dairy Association, sorry, my e-mail account at isn't working right now.

This article shared 1638 times since Wed Nov 3, 2004
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


Gay News

Chicagoans gather for Jackhammer re-opening 2023-01-30
Photos by Joseph Stevens - Rogers Park leather and fetish bar Jackhammer held its grand re-opening the evening of Jan. 27 after a long renovation process. The longtime North Side watering hole opened in 1999, taking over the space previously occupied ...

Gay News

ONYX Midwest forum tackles racist performance at Touche's anniversary party 2023-01-22
- In a response to the racist performance that took place at the leather, fetish and bear-focused Touche Chicago's 45th anniversary celebration on Nov. 1, 2022, ONYX Midwest hosted a community forum Jan. 21 at The Leather ...

Gay News

Touche Chicago's 45th-anniversary celebration marred by racist performance 2022-11-03
- Racist performance mires Touche Chicago's 45th anniversary celebration By Carrie Maxwell On Nov. 1, the leather, fetish and bear-focused Touche Chicago celebrated its 45th anniversary with a feature performance by ...

Gay News

Howard Brown Health's Big Orange Ball has 'Saturday Night Fever' theme 2022-10-27
- Howard Brown Health's Big Orange Ball was back in-person at Park West on Oct. 22—this time with a big (not orange) disco ball. About 300 people brought their Halloween spirit to the event, dressed in costumes ...

Gay News

'Martinis That Matter' to honor former TPAN CEO Jeff Berry on Oct. 30 2022-10-19
- Marty's Martini Bar, 1511 W. Balmoral Ave., presents "Martinis That Matter," a community giving-back program that funds community groups, charities and organizations. Profits from the sales during these events go to the organizations hosting. On Sunda ...

Gay News

'Barlesque' launches at Sidetrack 2022-09-03
- On Sept. 1 at Northalsted/Boystown nightspot Sidetrack, Barlesque kicked off. Nightlife figure Khloe Daniels hosted, introducing this year's bars, performers and choreographers. Barlesque brings Chicago nightlife superstars, local bars and ...

Gay News

TPAN bringing back 'Barlesque' starting Sept. 1 2022-08-25
- Barlesque is back. On Thursday, Sept. 1, at 7 p.m. at Northalsted/Boystown nightspot Sidetrack, 3349 N. Halsted St., Barlesque will kick off. Nightlife figure Khloe Daniels will host introduce this year's bars, performers and choreographers. Attendanc ...

Gay News

Touche holds fundraiser for Windy City Times 2022-07-12
- Leather bar Touche, 6412 N. Clark St., held its regular Friday fundraiser on July 8—and the fortunate recipient this time was Windy City Times. Approximately $200 were raised during this benefit raffle. Touche has been a ...

Gay News

Pride Journey: Iceland 2022-03-21
- The only way to describe Iceland is ... magical. It truly is. Iceland is like no other place I've visited in the world. It's topography, climate, people, culture, history, and nightlife blended together make Iceland a ...

Gay News

PASSAGES Jeffrey Wayne ("Jef") Morgan 2022-01-11
- Jeffrey Wayne "Jef" Morgan, of Chicago's West Rogers Park neighborhood, passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack while shoveling snow on Jan. 2. He was 58. Jef was the well-loved manager at Little Jim's on ...

Gay News

'Andersonville Homecoming' Sept. 24-26; line-up, vendors, safety protocols announced 2021-09-15
--From a press release - CHICAGO (Sept. 15, 2021) The Andersonville Chamber of Commerce (ACC) is pleased to announce the full entertainment line-up and vendors for Andersonville Homecoming--a three-night, two-day outdoor festival featuring ...

Gay News

Next OUTspoken show Sept. 7 2021-08-24
- An OUTspoken Storytelling Night taking place Tuesday, Sept. 7, will offer tales told by six people who will relate their stories of fun and fortune from a LGBTQ+ perspective. The entertainment will start at 7 p.m. ...

Gay News

Taste of River North cancelled 2021-07-29
- On July 29, the River North Residents Association, along with theMART and Duff Entertainment, announced the cancellation of the 2021 edition of Taste of River North. The event was slated to take place Aug. 20-21 at ...

Gay News

OUTspoken storytelling to host six takes from LGBTQ+ perspective 2021-07-26
--From a press release - The month of August is hot - but OUTspoken at the Sidetrack will be even hotter on Aug. 3 when six storytellers will tell tales of fun and fortune from a LGBTQ+ perspective! The program will start at 7:00 pm at ...

Gay News

LGBTQIA+ tavern to open in Uptown this fall 2021-07-14
- 2Bears Tavern Group—which owns and operates Andersonville's The SoFo Tap and Meeting House Tavern as well as Rogers Park's Jackhammer—is opening 2Bears Tavern Uptown in the former Nick's on Wilson space at 1140 W. Wilson Ave. ...


Copyright © 2023 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.






About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam     
Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.