Since we just had the Republican National Convention, I decided to do my part to help the post-convention Republican bounce with a Pretzel Logic look at the GOP.
Holy Shit – Part One
When you type the phrase George Bush is a piece of shit into Google you get 108,000, while John Kerry is a piece of shit gets 59,200 responses. This is one of those times when you don't mind having Bush lead by an almost two-to-one margin.
Holy Shit – Part Two
If you type 'George Bush is a piece of shit' (including quotation marks for an exact phrase search) into Google you get just 10 responses, while a similar search for Kerry produces 18. So, I hope at least nine of you know what you have to do…
Holy Sic Shit
If you type George Bush is a peace of shit (no quotation marks) you get 113,000 Google results. The first item on the list is from some anti-Bush petition, but the phrase comes from signer number 44, a Bush supporter named Michael, who said: 'Michael [Moore] is a peace [sic] of shit....he has no brain and fucks goats...i [sic] hope you die a horrible painful deaht [sic].'
Like Father, Like Son
George H.W. Bush served just one term as president, so let's be sure to help Dubya be just like his old man.
Like Father, Like Dyke?
Vice-President Dick Cheney openly opposes amending the Constitution of the United States to prohibit same-sex marriages. Now if we can just get his openly(?) lesbian daughter Mary to do the same.
Or Maybe On Cans Of Motor Oil Instead?
If Dick Cheney's openly(?) lesbian daughter doesn't start speaking out against the Republican Party's gay bashing we might have to start putting her photo on cartons of milk.
Holy Schrock
U.S. Rep. Ed Schrock (R-Va) decided to retire from the House and not seek re-election after he was outed by a Web site as being (allegedly) a closeted, gay conservative who has voted against gay rights on numerous occasions.
Maybe He's To Phocused On Phinding Phallus
Schrock did not deny the alleged allegations, and in his announcement withdrawing his candidacy Schrock merely said that he would not be able to focus on the issues surrounding the campaign.
I'm Sorry Congressman Schrock, But 'So, What Are You Into?' Is Not A Proper Question
Schrock voted to get rid of the 'don't ask/don't tell' policy so that the military could question enlistees about any possible homosexual experiences they might have had.
Schrock And All
Here is a transcript of the telephone dating service ad allegedly placed by Congressman ('Congresswoman'?) Schrock to seek casual gay sex: 'Uh, hi, I weigh 200 pounds, uh, six-foot-four, hazel eyes, blond hair, very muscular, very buffed-up, uh, very tanned, um, I'd just like to get together with a guy from time to time just to -- just to play. I'd like him to be, uh, in very good shape, flat stomach, good chest, good arms, well-hung, cut, uh, just get naked, play, and see what happens, nothing real heavy duty, but just a fun time, go down on him, he can go down on me, and just, uh, take it from there. Hope to hear from you. Bye.' You can hear it yourself at the Web site BlogActive.com .
Pretzel Logic By David Matchmaker
Maybe we should hook up Mr. Schrock with New Jersey First Lady... I mean 'Governor' Jim McGreevey.
If you are Ed Schrock you probably read Nightspots on a regular basis and already know that my e-mail address is DaveInChicago773@aol.com .
