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Pretzel Logic
by David J. Magdziarz

This article shared 3754 times since Wed Aug 25, 2004
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For those of you who think country music has nothing to offer the Gay listener, here's a column you might want to 'Ty' on for size.

Country Corporate Mergers?

What if country singers were like banks, and were constantly merging with each other? Garth Brooks and Brooks & Dunn could merge to become Garth Brooks & Dunn; Randy Travis and Travis Tritt would be Randy Travis Tritt; Gary Allan and Alan Jackson would make Gary Allan Jackson; Toby Keith and Keith Urban could form Toby Keith Urban; and maybe John Michael Montgomery could convince his brother to let him join his brother's group, Montgomery Gentry, and they could call it John Michael Montgomery Gentry.

Does This Mean Brad Paisley Has A Bubble Butt, And A Black Male Foot Foreskin Fetish?

A Google search of 'Brad Paisley fetish' got this result:

... web cam info. 8:52am. In your bubble butt info. 8:06am. Brad paisley tour info. 8:01am. Black male foot foreskin fetish info. 7:15am. Bcit ... - 82k - Cached - Similar pages

Once You Go Black…

I didn't know that the feet of Black males had foreskins.

Take Away My Toaster Oven And My DVD Of 'The Wizard Of Oz,' I Don't Care

I can't stand Patsy Cline.

Maybe He Could Sing A Duet With George Michael

Back in 1995, married and purportedly heterosexual country singer Ty Herndon was in Fort Worth, Texas, scheduled to perform for the Texas Police Association. However, he never performed because 90 minutes before show time he was arrested in Gateway Park, supposedly a well-known gay cruising area in Fort Worth, in a sex-sting operation. According to police, Ty approached a male undercover officer, took out his little Herndon, started stroking it, and asked 'What are you into?' According to one book I read, the defense version was that Ty had his little tyke out in the fresh air simply because he really had to pee, while some web site claimed that Ty's defense was that his behavior was due to 'dehydration.' Hmmm, maybe he was dehydrated from 'peeing' too much...

It Slipped Out Of The Officer's Hand?

According to a recent news story about Ty (who just successfully left rehab – for the second time): 'Herndon never has addressed the sex sting part, other than to say police mishandled it and to reiterate the indecent exposure part was dropped.'

Maybe He Could Sing A Duet With Crystal Gayle

While Ty was being arrested for indecent exposure the police found an envelope in his wallet that contained methamphetamines. Damn the crazy shit that that bad old dehydration will make you do.

And With Crystal Bernard

According to the same news story, 'Herndon says he started to 'medicate' with crystal meth' (for the second time, apparently) after he left Nashville around 1999 and moved to Hollywood.

Does His Recent Rehab Mean That Now He's No Longer A Bottom?

In the same news story Ty said his initial stint in rehab right after his arrest didn't work because he was pressured into it by his record label, and he added: ''I had not bottomed out.''

If you're Ty Herndon and you need to 'pee,' you can contact me at .

If you are Ty Herndon's attorney or a Patsy Cline fan, sorry, no e-mail for me.

This article shared 3754 times since Wed Aug 25, 2004
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