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Windy City Times 2023-12-13



Pretzel Logic
by David J. Magdziarz

This article shared 2104 times since Wed Apr 28, 2004
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Here's a Pretzel Logic look at some recent nuttiness in the news.

Spurning Spam

Subject line of a recent e-mail I received: "adlt:-hot~swallowíng~lawyers_with_girl nëxt door." I am not sure which is more unappealing, the "girl nëxt door" part or the reference to "hot~swallowíng~lawyers."

I Guess They Are Referring To My Pendis

Subject line of a recent e-mail that I received: "bigger buldge."

Would You Like A Body Cavity Search With That?

An unknown hoaxer is calling fast food places like Taco Bell, Wendy's, McDonald's, Burger King, and others, claiming to be either a police officer or a corporate official, and persuading the unsuspecting restaurant manager into detaining and strip searching customers or employees for alleged theft or drug possession, which of course are things that never occurred. Some of the restaurants have been sued, and some managers have even been charged criminally as a result of their actions. If you know a fast food place with a real cute manager, now's the time to eat there a lot and hope for a phone call.

I Hope They Used Condoms – Part One

Recent news story headline: "Obama, Kerry plug each other at Chicago job-training center." They say politics makes strange bedfellows.

I Hope They Used Condoms – Part Two

On "The Apprentice," Kwame and Bill celebrated their making it to the final two with a bottle of Moet champagne. Kwame said to Bill "Let's pop the Mo, man!"

The Percentage Goes Way Up With Members Of The Religious Right

Recent news headline: "Rat gene map finds 90% shared with humans."

Give Them Some Orange Juice

The defense attorney representing the Naperville mother who is accused of intentionally giving her three kids, 10, 9, and 4 years old, orange juice spiked with the anti-anxiety drug Xanax, said that his client should be allowed contact with her kids because "the kids are very anxious and wondering why they can't see their mother."

Lesbian, Queen or Drag Queen?

Archeologists recently discovered a 7,500 year-old burial site in Cyprus that included a cat skeleton buried about 15 inches from that of a human. The burial is the earliest known evidence of the connection between cats and people. As for the human remains, one archeologist said "We don't know if the human was a male or a female, but we do know that he or she had a special status in society."

I Think They Flunked The Final Exam

A brawl broke out at an anger management class held at a high school in Woodlawn, Maryland.

Let's Hope There Are No Prostitutes or High Schoolers In Attendance

Musician Vince Neil recently pleaded no contest to charges that he

battered a Nevada prostitute by the name of Andrea "TrixXie Blue" Terry, and part of his sentence included taking an anger management class.

Who Would This Exclude, The Dead?

Researchers have found that "men who reported 21 or more ejaculations a month during intercourse, masturbation or dreams" were the least

likely to have prostate cancer.

If your fingers aren't too sticky from preventing prostate cancer, you can always e-mail me at

If you are one of those men who reported an average of four to seven ejaculations per month, you should be using your computer for checking out any of the hundreds of gay sex sites on line, and not wasting time e-mailing ANYBODY.

This article shared 2104 times since Wed Apr 28, 2004
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