Having recently spent about three weeks traveling out west and down south, this column is a mix of various vacation views.
Laissez Les Bon Temps Amish
I was not aware that a lot of Amish travel by train from Chicago to Arizona/California. However, I did not see any on the train from New Orleans to Chicago.
If This Buggy's Rockin', Don't Come Knockin'
If you type Gay Amish Sex into Google, you get over 40,000 hits.
I Guess The Amish Don't Use Spell Checkers, But Do Use Psychoactive Drugs
Here's what I found when I went to galleries.freesexnews.net/amish.htm: "Contrary to popular belief that hot free amish sex galleries is good, I am bikini girls wallpaper. When the accidentally psychotic transvestite makeover hides, the art gay the hun bill schmeling website awakens. Furthermore, an unimaginable gay cops gallery returns, and a free black gay hardcore anal sex pics consumed the adult toons search engine makes fun of a sexy russian brides. Remembering the self-loathing gizmo toons of the molten free hard core sex stories, I prostated myself before the fetish wear of the a young early teen girls modeling nude that stood before me."
Excluding the gay rodeo, I saw very few guys in western attire while I was in Phoenix. Who do I see to get my money back?
In The Zone
As an extension of zoning ordinances that are meant to preserve the historic nature of certain neighborhoods in Phoenix, I think they need a law that requires at least one-fourth of the adult male population of Arizona to be clothed in western wear on any given day.
He Probably Was One, Too
As I was outside the post office in Phoenix readying a package I was mailing, I did notice a guy decked out in cowboy hat, boots and western shirt attire that was checking out the fact that I was dressed in the same manner. He then crossed the street and went into the "Westward Ho" hotel.
You Are What You Eat
There is a late-night French bakery in the gay area along Santa Monica Blvd. in West Hollywood that sells "princess cakes."
Let's Here It For The Good Ol' Boys
There were far more guys wearing western shirts, jeans and boots in Mississippi than in Arizona.
Kiss My Ascot
The predominant fashion accessory amongst young (and some not as young as they once were) gay men in southern Mississippi area (besides really bad haircuts) seems to be a silk scarf flamboyantly draped around the neck … with matching gloves earning extra queenie points. As one of my (ascot-free) friends who lives down there says, maybe they should change the name of the state to Missa-sissy.
And Not The Kind That Wear Ascots Either
There is a flea market in Big Bend, Mississippi that sells deep-fried twinkies.
It's Been A Rough Dozen Years
The night I visited Bar Code, a gay bar in Biloxi, MS, one of the drag performers was Miss Gulfport, 1992. From the look of her, it must have been "B.C."
OK, does writing the above column make my vacation an official "business expense"?
If you have tons of hot gay Amish porn, e-mail me at DaveInChicago773@aol.com .
If you are Miss Gulfport, 1992 (B.C.), sorry, I don't have e-mail.