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  NIGHTSPOTS

Pretzel Logic
by David J. Magdziarz
2003-01-08

This article shared 1487 times since Wed Jan 8, 2003
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It's the first full week of 2003, so here are some New Year's wishes for 2003 and a couple of related items as well.

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Honey, I've Dropped The Kids

My New Year's wish for Michael Jackson is clothing for his kids made out of the fuzzy stuff they use in Velcro, and two gloves with the little plastic Velcro hook-thingies on the palms and fingers for Mr. Parent-Of-The-Year.

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Remember, He's Not Been Indicted … Yet

Federal prosecutors recently filed papers in the trial of Gov. Ryan's former campaign manager and political crony, Scott Fawell, in which they allege that Gov. Ryan knew that in September of 1998, Fawell ordered the shredding of campaign documents in order to keep those documents from being seized by the federal government. Maybe Secretary of State Official A, er ... I mean 'Gov. Ryan,' could argue he just thought they were making confetti for their next New Year's Eve Party.

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Make Sure The Prescription Has Plenty Of Refills

My New Year's wish for the leaders of North Korea is plenty of Ritalin.

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The Restaurants Should Have Plenty Of The Stuff

Given the big political stink that has arisen as a result of Tom Tunney being appointed Alderman of the 44th Ward when there already was openly gay attorney Rick Ingram running as a candidate in the Feb. 25 city elections, my New Year's wish for Tunney and Ingram is that they settle the dispute in a manner befitting the tried and true spirit of the gay community, namely: Jell-O wrestling.

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Only If You Can

According to spokesperson Bridgette Boisselier, a pro-cloning group called Clonaid, that believes life on Earth was the result of alien genetic engineering, successfully cloned a human being. The alleged clone-kid was born to an unidentified American woman, in an unidentified country, with no scientific evidence to back up the claims, and not even a photo of the mom and mini-me mom was produced. The pudgy, plastic-looking Boisselier, who sported bad make-up and badly dyed hair, was quoted as saying 'You can still go back to your office and treat me as a fraud.'

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Happy Renewed Year

If the nice folks at Clonaid could clone the Baby New Year, would that make next year 2003 all over again?

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Location, Location, Location

My wish for all of Halsted Street is that the Tribune Company will build condos attached to Wrigley Field as part of their plans to improve the ballpark, and that the crybaby condo-owners at the Dakota will all think that would be a great place to live.

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And Even More To Boot

My New Year's wish for myself would include Brad Paisley, Chris Cagle, Tracy Byrd, Clint Black ...

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Christmas In January

In the Pretzel Logic column that appeared in the Dec. 25 issue of Nightspots, there was an item about how early depictions of the three Magi would occasionally show them in bed together. The item headline as printed in the magazine was 'Call Them The Three Wise Men.' The headline as I actually wrote it was 'Call Them The Three Ways Men.' Now go back and re-read the item, and it'll be freaking hilarious.

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If you would like to e-mail me before Sukie mysteriously cancels my column because of the last item, do so quickly at DaveInChicago773@aol.com


This article shared 1487 times since Wed Jan 8, 2003
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