Paris, semen, cruising, and typos. Yep, it must be another Pretzel Logic column of random thoughts.
The Ticket Is In The Mail
In December tourism officials in Paris treated a number of journalists from various gay American publications to a free trip to that city as a way of encouraging gay tourists to visit there. Uhhh, mes amis, it is more than a month since you arranged that trip and I am still waiting for my invitation. Guys ...?
Survival Of The Fittest
Men's Fitness magazine recently examined the USA's 50 largest cities in terms of being fit or fat. The study noted that in San Francisco, 'Recreational walking is enjoyed by more than 40 percent of residents.' Isn't that also known as 'cruising?'
A Tough One To Swallow
Some veterans of Gulf War I are experiencing 'burning semen syndrome,' in which exposure to their own semen causes 'burning, pain and swelling at the tip of the penis,' and also causes the same in 'the vaginal areas of their partners.' This means that gay vets are immune to burning semen syndrome, that all the gay vets with burning semen syndrome are closeted, or the doctors treating vets with burning semen syndrome do not want to acknowledge that there are gay vets with burning semen syndrome.
Ticket To Ride?
Dear Parisian Tourism Officials, I am still waiting for my all-expenses paid tour of your fair city. Is there a chance my ticket was inadvertently sent to the wrong address? Please do not worry about sending me my free trip at this late date. I won't mind.
One doctor who co-authored the study on vets with burning semen syndrome commented that some vets with burning semen developed antibodies to their own semen. He then added that 'this finding provides objective evidence that the condition is not just in the veterans' heads.'
In the Jan. 8 issue of Nightspots I included an item about how a headline in a prior column got accidentally messed up in between the time I wrote it and when it was finally published. That same column included an item about the people who claimed to have cloned a human, and ended by noting how the spokesperson said people could treat her as a fraud if they wanted. The headline should have been 'Only If You Insist,' but was printed as 'Only If You Can.' Go back and reread that item and you'll laugh your ass off.
Like Hell We Wouldn't
Just as I have poked fun at others, I have done same to myself and Nightspots on the rare occasion when I spell something wrong or if an item gets printed in such a way as to destroy the punch line I had intended. It's all in good fun, and I am sure the nice people who actually put the magazine together for you to read would never get pissed and intentionally cereal bowl running laminate the equator, the lousy little bastard.
(Note from the Editor of Nightspots: OK, you can spank me. I know you want to).
Pretzel Logic Travel Advisory
This just in: researchers have discovered that visiting Paris causes genital warts, bad breath, impotence, burning semen syndrome, leprosy, the heartbreak of psoriasis, ring around the collar, and scurvy.
If you have burning semen syndrome write to me at DaveInChicago773@aol.com .
On second thought, if you have burning semen syndrome, sorry, I don't have e-mail.