This week is another collection of oddities and other weird stuff. But don't worry, it's not all about George Bush.
An Easy Mistake To Make
President Bush during his State of the Union Address: 'I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you the difference in Iraq and Iran.' Oops, that was a quote from that Alan
Jackson song. Sorry.
I'm Guessing Dollar Signs, Drivers' Licenses,
And Prison Bars
The artist commissioned by George 'Secretary of State Official A' Ryan has said that he will probably include 'important symbols of (Ryan's) administration' in the painting.
He Could Be Simon's Replacement On
American Idol
Before Ryan was an allegedly corrupt governor, he was an allegedly corrupt Secretary of State, and the allegedly corrupt Scott Fawell was one of his main allegedly corrupt flunkies. Fawell allegedly maintained a 'priority list' of people allegedly seeking favors from the SOS office. That list included such succinct comments about various job applicants as 'can't pass a test/idiot,' and 'restested/moron.' He also described job-seekers sponsored by one politician as being 'numerous knuckleheads.'
Will The 'Clonaid' People
Do Their Scouting?
The White Sox have sold the naming rights for Comiskey Park to US Cellular, so from now on the ball park will be US Cellular Field. I can enjoy beefy men in tight baseball uniforms scratching their privates as much as the next guy, but 'Cellular Field' sounds like a place where you'd find cloning experiments taking place.
Jist Try Burnin' One Of Th' Dangblasted Thangs, An' Th' Li'l, Shiny, Silvary Motherfucker'll Smoke Like Ahl Git Out
Music sales in 2002 have, in general, dropped an average of 10.7 percent from the year before, but country music sales increased about 12 percent instead. Now we know which genre of music has the fewest fans who know how to operate a computer.
The First Issue Will Be On Creative Ways To Serve Bread And Water
Martha Stewart is starting up a new magazine called 'Everyday Food.'
You've Got Bullshit - Part I
Some Internet asshole who is apparently unaware of laws against fraudulent and misleading advertising sent me an e-mail with the subject line of 'MATCH@AOL: You've Got New Matches!' The e-mail message itself read as follows: 'You have 3 new secret amirers in your Match.com Inbox sponsored by AOL(tm). To retrieve your messages securely, all you have to do is Click Here and proceed to the login page. Please remember, if you do not check your messages within 30 minutes of reading this email, they will be removed from the system. Thank you, and Good Luck!' You really have to 'amire' such a clever scam.
You've Got Bullshit - Part II
The sad thing was not the fact that the e-mail message contained poor spelling, bad grammar, creative capitalization, and nor was it the fact that the e-mail did not have the official blue-colored icon that is found only on messages actually sent by AOL. Instead, the really sad thing was that there were probably hundreds, if not thousands, out there dumb enough to actually be fooled by it. And no, I am not protesting too much.
If you really amire my column, e-mail me at DaveInChicago773@aol.com .
The Chicago Sun-Times was allegedly my source for the news-related items in this
week's column.
