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Pretzel Logic
by David J. Magdziarz
2003-04-09

This article shared 2227 times since Wed Apr 9, 2003
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Not wanting to miss the chance to be part of wartime hysteria, but having no desire to stand in the middle of Lake Shore Drive and mess up traffic like those goofs did, here's a bunch of stuff related to America's newest favorite punching bag, France.

Food Fight

In an example of wartime-inspired weirdness, there have been numerous news reports of restaurants in the U.S. renaming French fries 'Freedom fries' and French toast 'Freedom toast.' What's next? Will the folks of Paris, Illinois, end up renaming their town 'Parris Island' in honor of the Marine Corps Recruit Depot located in South Carolina?

Let Them Eat ... Something

The only French restaurant in Paris, Illinois, closed a few years ago.

I Got Me A Pretzel Stick Youz French Guys Can Choke On

Proving that wartime weirdness is not limited to the U.S., a French anti-war Web site (www.bretzelforbush.com) is urging French citizens to buy bags of pretzels through the site so that they can send them to President Bush, who choked on a pretzel and fainted back in January of last year.

Sounds Like George W. Bush Did The Translation

You know that your money will be going to a good cause if you buy a bag of 'bretzels' through that Web site because as it says on the English version of the site's 'Collected Amount' page: 'The wholeness of money will be given to an association for the protection of the childrens from all around the world.' I am sure the wholeness of the childrens will appreciate that very much.

Logique De Bretzel

According to the bretzelforbush Web site, 'originally, the Pretzel is from Alsace, a French region situated in the east part of the country, and just at a few miles from Germany.'

The Yellow French

Proving that wartime weirdness is everywhere, the makers of French's Mustard recently issued a press release to remind Americans that 'For the record, French's would like to say, there is nothing more American than French's mustard.' The press release glopped the red, white and blue all over their yellow condiment by stating: ''For many Americans, French's mustard IS Americana. It's all about baseball, hot dogs, family and fun,' says Elliot Penner, president of French's mustard.'

Un Bretzel Avec De La Moutarde, SVP

The French's Mustard press release also mentions that: 'French's is known for adding flavor and zest to all American favorites including hot dogs, hamburgers, sandwiches, chicken nuggets and pretzels.'

Mon Dieu!

If you type IHateFrance.com into your web browser, you'll be taken to some odd site called IWantGod.com .

Count Him Out

The France Haters Home Page has a list entitled '101 good reasons to hate France and french people!' that contains 12 items, all of which are reaaaaaaaaaally lame.

Mark His Words

Mark Twain on France and the French: 'France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals —apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country; The objects of which Paris folks are fond—literature, art, medicine and adultery; There is nothing lower than the human race except the French; France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable because they live in France; In certain public indecencies the difference between a dog & a Frenchman is not perceptible.'

Si vous me voudriez au E-mail, écrivez-moi à DaveInChicago773@aol.com . Mais veuillez, écrivez-m'en anglais seulement, je ne comprennent pas le français.


This article shared 2227 times since Wed Apr 9, 2003
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