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  NIGHTSPOTS

Pretzel Logic
by David J. Magdziarz
2003-05-14

This article shared 1713 times since Wed May 14, 2003
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In the past I might have mentioned the subject of cowboys and cowboy boots more than once in my column, but that does not mean I have a fetish or anything. And everyone owns more than 50 pairs of boots, don't they? Anyway, here's a column devoted to my favorite footwear.

Music To My Ears

The queer music group Pansy Division recorded a song entitled 'Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly Fond Of Each Other,' and it includes the lyrics: 'What did you think those saddles and boots was about?'

Fetish Fashion Statement— Part One

A while back someone at Charlie's asked me if I always wore boots. My response was 'I pretty much wear them whenever I am dressed, and a lot of the time when I am not.'

The Eyes Have It

The quickest way to spot a guy with a cowboy boot fetish is to wear a pair with the jeans tucked into the tops of the boots.

----------------------------------------

Fetish Fashion Statement - Part Two

Whenever anyone asks me if I own too many pairs of boots, I always respond that 'I have far more pairs of boots than I actually need, but far fewer than I actually want.'

Brings Me To My Knees

The pointier the boots, the closer to God.

Not That Any Of These

Would Apply To Me

Here is a slightly modified version of a list I wrote several years ago that features a baker's dozen ('booter's dozen'?) of some signs to watch for to see if you have a cowboy boot fetish:

1) On the street you'll follow a guy in cowboy boots for blocks to check him out, and not have the slightest idea what he looks like above the knees.

2) On the rare occasions that you do wear regular shoes and not cowboy boots, all your friends assume you have been taken over by space aliens.

3) You can hardly say the 'B' word in polite conversation because of its sexual connotations.

4) You watch western movies just to see the all the cowboy boots.

5) When you pass a store window or a full-length mirror, you always check out the reflection of your cowboy boots.

6) You think the faces on Mount Rushmore are Tony Lama, Dan Post, Sam Lucchese and Larry Mahan.

7) All of the salespeople at your favorite boot store not only know you by name, they spend all major holidays with you.

8) When you tell your friends that you are dating a new man the first question they all ask you is 'OK, so what type of boots does he wear?'

9) Your fantasy is to work (and have sex) in a store that sells boots.

10) You know that for Christmas and your birthday you will be receiving a flood of cowboy boot-themed gifts from all your friends.

11) You've ever cum on your own cowboy boots.

12) You've ever cum on someone else's cowboy boots.

13) You've ever cum on your own cowboy boots while someone else is wearing them (and you're wearing his, and he's cumming on them).

If you have any size 8-1/2 or 9 D or E cowboy boots that need a good home, and a good homo, e-mail me at DaveInChicago773@aol.com . Stetsons size 7-1/2 also gladly accepted.


This article shared 1713 times since Wed May 14, 2003
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