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  NIGHTSPOTS

Pretzel Logic
by David J. Magdziarz
2003-06-25

This article shared 1295 times since Wed Jun 25, 2003
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From dead end zones to fabulous photographs, here's this week's assortment of oddities.

Excuse Me, Is This Seat Taken?

A steel plate that helps hold up the 220-ton video scoreboard at the renovated Soldier Field had to be shored up with three additional steel plates when the original plate got bent. The 220-ton scoreboard is suspended over seats at the north end-zone of the field. A project spokesman said that 'not only should fans feel totally safe in that north end-zone, they're going to have a great view of a new stadium.' And if they don't end up on TV, maybe the TV will end up on them.

And Not Just Morally

According to news reports last month, Michael Jackson has been sued by a creditor who alleges Michael is nearly bankrupt.

Operation Iraqi Bitchdom

With the fall of Saddam Hussein's government, Iraqi citizens are putting a decidedly American twist to their freedom. As one Iraqi citizen was quoted in the Sun-Times: 'We have never been able to complain this much. It's marvelous, the American way.' They learn so quickly, don't they?

Work Ethic For The New Millennium

A co-worker of mine recently made this comment: 'Give the hardest job in the company to the laziest employee. He's the one who'll find the easiest way to do it.'

He Should Choose Again

Former New York Times reporter Jayson Blair, who resigned as a reporter when confronted with evidence of plagiarism and journalistic fraud, blamed his actions on personal problems. He is quoted as saying: 'I was either going to kill myself or I was going to kill the journalist persona. So Jayson Blair the human being could live, Jayson Blair the journalist had to die.'

Dating Gaymes

The Bravo cable network is planning a reality TV dating show called 'Boy Meets Boy' in which a gay guy has to pick from a pool of men, including some who are secretly heterosexual.

Feeling Sheepish

Andrea Lafferty, a spokesbitch for The Traditional Values Coalition, said in response to the show: 'What's next after 'Boy Meets Boy?' Boy meets sheep?' What a baaa-stard.

A Hard Decision

With the U.S. Supreme Court about to rule on the constitutionality of the Texas sodomy statute, it's time to admit that we probably lost the last such case because the justices were just plain embarrassed to vote on the side of a defendant by the name of 'Hardwick.'

Is That A Stick Of Gum In Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

The maker of Wrigley's chewing gum has been granted a patent for a gum that delivers the equivalent of one pill's worth of the generic version of Viagra.

Now Even Bigger, Redder, And Juicier

The same company also makes Big Red and Juicy Fruit gum.

Keep 'em Cumming, Folks

To the anonymous reader who snail-mailed me the photograph of the three buff guys wearing nothing but their cowboy boots, and their Stetsons being held at waist-level without the use of their hands, all I can say is: 'My hat's off to you.'

If you have photographs of three naked guys in boots taken a second after a 'stiff' wind blew their hats away, e-mail me at DaveInChicago773@aol.com .

If you have photos of a naked Jayson Blair, sorry, I don't have e-mail.


This article shared 1295 times since Wed Jun 25, 2003
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