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  NIGHTSPOTS

Peeks n' Tweaks
by Andrew Davis
2004-01-14

This article shared 1358 times since Wed Jan 14, 2004
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1) Don't tell me: Madonna has voiced her support for General Wesley Clark to be President of the United States. I hope he doesn't start wearing a cone bra now.

2) The Gest man: How could David Gest not know that

something was up with Liza? He should've suspected something when she screamed the wrong name during sex – Jack Daniels.

3) Discuss: After he was

captured, didn't Saddam Hussein look like an Iraqi Nick Nolte?

4) Going at it: Teen actresses Lindsay Lohan (Freaky Friday) and Hilary Duff (Cheaper by the Dozen) are currently feuding over ... a boy, of course. I hope they settle things like mature individuals – on Fox's next installment of Celebrity Boxing.

5) Beer and now: The recent Beer Drinker of the Year Championship in Denver featured competitions in drinking, beer knowledge, and "beer whispering." I hope Robert Redford doesn't option THAT as a movie.

6) Kelis: Her new single, "Milkshake," celebrates jiggling breasts. She's basically the new Dairy Queen.

7) Drink up: The amaretto cheesecake "caketail" contains cream cheese, amaretto liqueur, roasted almonds, and graham cracker crumbs. I can't wait for the fruitcake one so I can constantly give one away.

8) You've been erased: In the upcoming movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, people have the option of removing painful memories. Aren't there about 10 or 20 dates you'd like to delete from your memory bank?

9) Doggone: In England, a collie went to retrieve a stick and came back with a live grenade. ("What's that, Lassie? You said Timmy went boom?")

10) Ad boy, ad boy: A Gatorade commercial will showcase Michael Jordan from 1987 playing the present-day Jordan ... or, as I like to call them, Jordan B.M. (Before Mistress) and A.M. (After Mistress).

11) Oil's well that ends well: Some people at the University of Vermont have cars that run on

vegetable oil. I'll be really impressed when the engines double as skillets.

12) Milk of Magnesia: It's now sold in French vanilla in addition to its regular flavor. Pretty soon it'll be available in all Starbucks flavors.

13) LL Cool J: He said that he won't eat pork or scallops because he feels like he's eating someone's colon. And he knows what a colon tastes like because... ?

14) Going to great lengths: A Japanese psychic named Kaho claims to tell men's futures by

performing oral sex on them. She told Tommy Lee that he would live a long life.

15) Moby: He was attacked after a concert during which he spoke out against aggression and

violence. It's a good thing he didn't speak out against pregnancy.

16) Here's a line not to use: "Is that a keg in your butt? 'Cause I'd like to tap it."

I'm at westelm406@yahoo.com .


This article shared 1358 times since Wed Jan 14, 2004
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