1. John boys: A newspaper reported that, in New Zealand, prostitution was legalized while 'prostitutes and their supporters' cheered in the galleries. Supporters? Hello! Where I'm from they're called JOHNS.
2. Just say ho: The National Abstinence Clearinghouse Conference took place in Las Vegas. Couldn't it have been held somewhere less sinful … like anywhere in New Zealand?
3. Just wondering: Which is larger—the national deficit or Britney Spears's bar tab?
4. Oh happy gay: Regarding the recent Supreme Court ruling on gay sex laws, Matt Drudge stated in The Drudge Report 'Gay in the U.S.A.: The Supremes Strike Down Gay Sex Ban.' The Supremes? Gay in the U.S.A.? OK … how gay is THIS guy?
5. DNA, you say: Officials are checking Iraqi convoy ruins to see if Saddam Hussein's DNA is present. Interestingly enough, one of Monica Lewinsky's dresses was found at the scene.
6. Gambian rats: The animals possibly responsible for the U.S. monkeypox outbreak are two or three feet long and weigh three to five pounds. In that case, should they be called Gambian CATS?
7. Chante Mallard: How did her case even go to trial? Did she think the man on her windshield was a hood ornament?
8. Taste of Chicago: I know they had exotic foods there, but the West Nile potato salad may have been too much.
9. Mike Tyson: He said that he could sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating … but just how would you advertise that?
10. Point to ponder: If anyone doubts that people used to get away with more in the movies, I have two words … Blazing Saddles.
11. Rule #1: If it tastes like crap, it's probably good for you.
12. Rule #2: If you can satisfy your partner's five senses, you're pretty much golden.
13. It's true: Camp White Tail will open a teen nudist summer camp in Richmond, Va. Wait a minute … is it really called Camp White TAIL?
14. Ice, ice baby: Seven-foot-seven-inch former NBA player Manute Bol signed up with a hockey team—even though he'd never skated. I hadn't seen someone struggle so hard to accomplish something since the last Madonna movie.
15. Lil Kim, Part I: She once stated that 'karma's a muthafucka.' I love it when they quote Shakespeare.
16. Lil Kim, Part II: She was recently robbed of $250,000 in jewelry. Thank God they didn't take the gold vibrator.
17. Lil Kim, Part III: She admires Oprah so much that she's called her 'a gangsta bitch' … but who hasn't called Oprah that?
18. Elemental: A woman is suing Mary Kay Cosmetics; she says that the company fired her because she worships earth, air, fire, and water. Maybe if she said that she worships the group Earth, Wind, and Fire …
19. Sen. Strom Thurmond: He died recently at the age of 100. At least Cher has outlived him.
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