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  NIGHTSPOTS

Peeks and Tweaks
by Andrew Davis
2003-09-10

This article shared 1306 times since Wed Sep 10, 2003
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Here are a few thoughts while I figure out how to recall Governor Blagojevich so Oprah can run...

1) Arnold Schwarzenegger: Great. If he's elected governor, Californians will have their first State of the State addresses with subtitles.

2) Mary Carey: The California gubernatorial candidate wants to tax breast implants. That alone should take the state out of debt.

3) It's true: A Brazilian man who went to a clinic to have an aching ear checked ended up getting a vasectomy by mistake. I've heard of having your head up your ass but never of your ear in your testicles.

4) Madonna: I can't wait for the female R. Kelly to tongue-kiss the Olsen twins.

5) Let's make a steal: People are stealing vanilla extract from grocery stores because of its alcohol content (70 proof). Come to think of it, I did see Diana Ross at a Jewel last week.

6) Java justice: Patrons of Santa Monica's The Legal Grind can pay $25 for coffee and legal advice. I can see a TV show spun off from this: "Latte & Order."

7) Jerry Hall: Mick Jagger's ex said that she doesn't worry about their children doing drugs. Looking at Keith Richards will work better than any Scared Straight program.

8) Gigli: Rare is the movie that makes Swept Away look like Gone with the Wind. 9) Amanda Moore: The lesbian supermodel punched out a guy who came on to her girlfriend. So much for girls being made of sugar and spice and everything nice.

10) Mike Ditka: The former Chicago Bears coach will promote Levitra, a Viagra competitor. Never has his nickname, Iron Mike, been so well earned.

11) Pants: How tight is too tight on a guy? If I can figure out his religion, it's too tight.

12) Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston: Think of all the keepsakes their daughter will have: Mommy's first crack pipe, Daddy's album of mug shots ...

13) Speaking in tongues: Nine Army linguists were supposedly discharged for being gay. Just because they asked foreign officers, "Voulez vous couchez avec moi c'est soi?" doesn't mean anything.

14) Silent Hill 3: In this PlayStation game, a shopping mall transforms into a place with gruesome bodies and evil creatures. Usually, you have to wait until the holiday season for that to happen.

15) "Say, Say, Say": I saw this classic Paul McCartney-Michael Jackson video recently and realized that Michael's sister LaToya was cast as his love interest. In a way, this explains a lot.

16) Indiana University: A porn movie was recently filmed on its campus. Is everyone thinking what I'm thinking for a good title ... "Hoosier Daddy?"

17) Lebron James: The high school graduate and future pro basketball star has signed endorsement contracts worth over $100 million. Thank God he can now afford to go to college.

I'm at westelm406@yahoo.com .


This article shared 1306 times since Wed Sep 10, 2003
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