1) Rocky VI: In this one, Sylvester Stallone fights Alzheimer's.
2) Diana Ross: Rumors that she has changed her name to Osama gin Laden are entirely untrue.
3) Tit for tat: In an address to England, Sharon Osbourne complimented the chest of Prince Charles' paramour Camilla Parker Bowles. She also congratulated her on her winning time in the Kentucky Derby.
4) No butts about it: Our city council may ban smoking in Chicago's restaurants. It's about time; sitting in the non-smoking section sometimes works as well as Slimfast does with Marlon Brando.
5) Unplugged: Rapper Kurupt said that he won't let a girl put her finger in his butt. How exactly does that topic come up in an interview?
6) Bobby Knight: The colorful coach paid a former assistant $25,000 for shoving him. If we got paid from everyone who shoved us in public, we could all afford lakefront condos.
7) Outhouse, 90210: CBS wants to move a family from the country to Beverly Hills and then film their lives. Wait until they find out that it's Ro-DAY-o Drive and not RO-dee-o Drive.
8) Country roads: U2's Bono was in Nebraska on World AIDS Day. He wanted to truly go where the streets have no name.
9) That's a double score: A French soccer club's goalie hurt his back ... playing Scrabble. Just how long WAS that word?
10) It's true: As a child, Missy Elliott once waited for Michael Jackson to pick her up after school. He would have if it had been Billy Elliott waiting for him.
11) Dr. Seuss in the house: A couple hip-hop stars are said to be aspiring writers of children's stories. I can't wait for Horton Hears a Ho'.
12) Shania Twain: For $300,000, you can have her perform at a private party. For 300 Trojans you can get Christina Aguilera.
13) Sign of the times: Things are getting so out of hand that what the FBI thought were two large plastic bombs turned out to be Pamela Anderson.
14) A sheep passing in the night: A West Virginia man was arrested for having sex with a sheep in a Nativity scene. Did he run out of relatives?
15) Gary Hart: He's planning on running for President. It's nice to see him throw his pants into the ring.
I'm at firstname.lastname@example.org .