1) Get on the pot: Rotterdam officials are testing a toilet for women that sinks into the ground when it's not used. At least they can't accuse the men of leaving the cement up.
2) Liar, liar: The Associated Press dismissed a reporter after it could not confirm the existence of people he quoted in his stories. Did he write about lawyers with ethics?
3) The Ring: In this movie, a video kills everyone unlucky enough to see it. Does it star Madonna?
4) Ben Affleck: Surely you've heard the rumors about him wearing a toupee. If it's true, I'm just glad he didn't go for the James Traficant special.
5) Setting the record straight: Former 'American Idol' finalist R.J. Helton said that he's heterosexual; however, he also said that Mariah Carey and Kelly Clarkson are his favorite singers. You make the call.
6) Engaged in old age: 83-year-old Carol Channing will wed her 82-year-old childhood sweetheart. Instead of throwing a bouquet, she'll throw out her hip instead.
7) Oprah: She's bringing back her book club, but this time with the classics ... like Heather Has Two Mommies.
8) Fearless: The WB may air a pilot about a young woman born without the gene for fear. Coincidentally, WB's chief of programming was born without the gene for good taste.
9) No small talk: Verne Troyer (Mini-Me from the Austin Powers movies) is currently battling alcoholism. Damn those mini-bars!
10) Soy to the world: Pizza Hut will sell items with soy cheese. That should make vegans about as happy as the Bush twins at a frat party.
11) Ride on: Researchers say that biking may hamper your sex life. However, it might help if you get off the bike first.
12) Stoli roller: Century Council has a video game-like CD that keeps track of your virtual blood-alcohol level. The winner reaches Diana Ross level.
13) Mariah Carey: She may start a clothing line called Automatic Princess. The hot item is the straitjacket with glitter.
14) Jackass: In this soon-to-be released DVD, people snort wasabi and subject themselves to paper cuts between their fingers ... before being submerged in alcohol. Didn't I see stuff like that on Masterpiece Theatre?
15) Bill Gates: The Microsoft head had the park service kill off Canada geese that kept fouling his estate. If only we could off the ones who keep shitting on us.
16) Breast stop: Courtney Love's dog allegedly died after eating one of her removed breast implants. I guess Love does hurt.
17) Juicy news: Research shows that people who dish gossip live longer. In that case, there are some co-workers who should live to be 300.
18) It's true: Clowns have a 'face registry' to prevent other clowns from plagiarizing their faces. Tammy Faye must be relieved.
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