1) Catherine Zeta-Jones: She sued a British tabloid for publishing unflattering photos of herself. If that's grounds for suing, why don't more people sue the DMV?
2) 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here': People are still talking about the stars' conversation about their breast implants. It was especially riveting when Robin Leach talked about his.
3) Just wondering, Part I: In the movies, why is it that when someone's being chased by a car, s/he always runs down the middle of the street? Yeah ... that'll throw the pursuer off track.
4) Just wondering, Part II: Which would be more dangerous ... Trent Lott mixing with the NAACP, Michael Moore mixing with war veterans or Adrien Brody trying to mix with Halle Berry's husband?
5) Just wondering, Part III: If we really wanted to hurt the Iraqis, couldn't we just have Celine Dion open a show over there?
6) Southern discomfort: The average Tennessee family spends a quarter of its income putting a child through a four-year college. Another quarter is spent on weddings between first cousins.
7) Horrors: Destiny Child's member Kelly Rowland will co-star in the fright movie Freddy vs. Jason. She must've been attracted to the quality of the script.
8) Mariah Carey: She told Vibe magazine that she can count the number of men she's been with on one hand. Christina Aguilera countered by saying she can count the number of men she's been with on one calculator.
9) 'American Life': In the video for this Madonna song, President Bush ends up with a grenade in his lap. That still isn't more disturbing than an image of Bill Clinton with Monica Lewinsky in his lap.
10) Syracuse, New York: The city has rejected a public health ad for buses that lists eight STDs because it could offend riders. Who wouldn't like to ride something called the Syphilis Express?
11) Natalie Maines (of the Dixie Chicks): Honey, the motto is 'Don't Mess with Texas' for a reason.
12) Good as old: NBC will air a search for the most talented senior in America. The good news is that Paula Abdul qualifies as a judge for that show as well.
13) In the news: Gay-rights leader Uzi Even is now a member of Israel's parliament, which views homosexuality as an abomination. Call it getting Even.
14) Hot shots: At Coney Island's Shoot the Freak, you can shoot paintball pellets at a live target. If they make the target Dr. Phil, they can have all my money.
15) R. Kelly: His past recordings include songs like 'Feelin‚ on Yo Booty' and 'I Like the Crotch on You.' So much for getting on Sesame Street.
16) Clint Black: He's released a pro-war song called 'I Raq & I Roll.' When I read this, I ran and I screamed.
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