Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2021-06-09
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor

  WINDY CITY TIMES

Patrick Dati raises voice against domestic abuse
by Charlsie Dewey
2017-05-31

This article shared 792 times since Wed May 31, 2017
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email


After coming out, Patrick Dati fell for a man who seemed great at first, but later began physically abusing him.

The abuse went on for a long time, reaching its peak one night when Dati said his partner threw him down a flight of stairs, sending him to the hospital with a broken arm.

Dati said by this point everyone was already aware of the abuse. His friends had encouraged him to get out of the relationship and many had abandoned him because they couldn't stand to watch him stay with his abuser.

That night was his turning point, but Dati said it wasn't easy and for most men and LGBT victims of intimate partner violence, getting out can be especially challenging and dangerous.

"When I speak at the Center on Halsted now and I speak to the youth, most are young, they meet older men or women who are successful and they move in with them. They've been deserted from their families and if they leave they have nowhere to go.

"That is the problem in regard to the LGBT community with domestic violence. It typically is the younger youth who draw to someone that they think can help them and they fall in love with them and that person is supportive financially and then that person becomes abusive and then they don't know how to get out and escape. It sounds really easy, they can walk out the door, but where will you go if you don't have the financial ability?"

Dati said in his situation he was able to move in with his parents for a while to escape his abuser and later sought help at Center on Halstead.

"I was living with him at that point and I needed to leave that situation," he said. "I waited until he left and we removed all my items from his house and I moved back to my parents' house and he began stalking me. He came to my parent's house. I had a restraining order against him and my friends all knew it. He haunted me for several months. It was very difficult."

The situation wasn't Dati's first experience with violence. As a nine year old, he became the victim of serial killer and rapist John Wayne Gacy, who he said raped him in a public restroom.

That traumatic event had sent his life into a tailspin.

"After I was raped, I changed as an individual," he said.

He said he fell into a deep depression, flunked the third grade and began distancing himself from others.

"I kind of became this sheltered kid," he said.

Dati said the assault also led to more abusive situations, including the one with his first male partner.

"People who have been abused are drawn to abusive people, but in my situation I was drawn to people that were good to me in the beginning and then it turned abusive," he said. "I felt I needed to help them and that I could help them, to stop them from abusing others."

Today, Dati is determined to use his experiences to help others. He said male victims are often forgotten about and he hopes to change that.

In 2014, he wrote his memoir, I Am Me, detailing the abuse he endured and its impacts and he began doing public speaking engagements to talk about his experiences.

Dati, who lives in Chicago, regularly speaks to youth at the Center on Halstead and has previously led discussions with the Chicago Police Department on intimate partner violence and how it uniquely impacts men and LGBT victims.

"It's public knowledge 80 to 85 percent of men don't come forward about their abuse out of fear and shame," Dati said. "It's no different in the LGBT community."

Recently, Dati was asked to join the Elite Speakers Bureau as its first gay male survivor of domestic abuse. He will speak to audiences nationwide about intimate partner violence affecting gay and straight men and the LGBTQ community.

Denise Brown, eldest sister of the late Nicole Brown Simpson, formed The Elite Speakers Bureau in 2010 to bring awareness and provide education on domestic violence, school safety, child abuse, teen violence, elder abuse, stalking, net crimes, workplace violence, victims of crime, sexual assault, mental health & wellness and more.

"I am so grateful to Denise Brown for giving me this platform to amplify the often invisible issue of domestic abuse impacting gay men, straight men and members of the LGBTQ community," Dati said.

Dati was also elected earlier this year to the board of directors for the Break the Silence Foundation, a domestic violence non-profit. He is serving as chairman of the planning committee.

Dati is also working on a second book, which he said is focused on the impacts of intimate partner violence and domestic violence on mental health.

"A lot of times folks think that goes away with therapy or medication," he said. "People believe you are cured and you are not. I learned that firsthand when my first book came out and I was on a book tour, doing radio, TV, etcetera. I thought 'I'm making a difference and doing something great for the world,' but then it slipped away and part of the reason is I stopped seeing my psychiatrist and taking my meds, and that happens to a lot of individuals."

Dati said his message to others is pretty simple, "You need to get out of that situation because it isn't going to change."

He added, "For me, it was a cycle of abuse. I didn't want to live that way anymore and I wanted to be a happy person and I wanted to be secure. There is hope and you don't need to live with abuse. Sometimes it is difficult to walk away, but at the same time by walking away you get back your sense of security."

He also encourages individuals experiencing abuse or who have left abusive situations to get professional help in dealing with the trauma.

"Most importantly is psychological therapy," he said. "Without that it's not going to change."

Dati and Brown will speak at Break the Silence Foundation's annual gala on Friday, Oct. 27, at the Donald E. Stephens Convention Center, 5555 Rosemont Rd., in Rosemont, Illinois.


This article shared 792 times since Wed May 31, 2017
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email





Windy City Media Group does not approve or necessarily agree with the views posted below.
Please do not post letters to the editor here. Please also be civil in your dialogue.
If you need to be mean, just know that the longer you stay on this page, the more you help us.


  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

Exposure to homophobic attitudes linked to higher stress among sexual minorities
2021-06-16
--Press release from American Psychological Association - WASHINGTON — Lesbian, gay and bisexual people who encounter homophobic attitudes experience increases in heart rate, blood pressure and stress hormones, potentially putting them at risk for multiple health problems ...


Gay News

AMA reinforces opposition to restrictions on transgender medical care
2021-06-16
--From a press release - CHICAGO - The American Medical Association (AMA) today strengthened its established position opposing the governmental intrusion into the practice of medicine that is detrimental to the health of transgender and ...


Gay News

Elected school-board bill passes Illinois House
2021-06-16
In a move seen as a bitter defeat for Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot, the Illinois House sent to Gov. J.B. Pritzker legislation that would shift control of Chicago Public Schools from the mayor to an elected ...


Gay News

Chicago attorneys among LGBT Bar's '40 Under 40'
2021-06-16
Three Chicago attorneys are among the legal professionals named to the LGBT Bar's 40 Best LGBTQ+ Lawyers Under 40. Jones Day associate Caitlin K. Cahow, Clark Hill PLC associate Logan Parker and Locke Lord LLP partner ...


Gay News

Dept. of Education: Title IX also protects LGBTQ students
2021-06-16
The Department of Education will interpret Title IX—a federal law that protects students from sex-based discrimination in federally funded schools—to protect LGBTQ students from discrimination, according to a federal notice ...


Gay News

Research documents disproportionate harms of discrimination on LGBTQ People of Color
2021-06-16
--From a press release - Today, a coalition of leading LGBTQ rights groups joined together to release the most extensive summaries to date of scholarly data on the intersection of anti-LGBTQ and racial discrimination. The research brief, authored by the What ...


Gay News

476,000 transgender adults in the U.S. have no IDs with the correct gender marker
2021-06-16
--From a press release - An estimated 476,000 transgender adults in the U.S. are without any form of identification with the correct gender marker, according to a new report by the Williams Institute at UCLA School of Law. Michigan has the ...


Gay News

NATIONAL Panic defense, VP Kamala Harris, Black LGBTQ app, crime items
2021-06-13
Four states and the nation's capital have taken action to ban the so-called LGBTQ "panic defense," which is a legal strategy used by defendants to cite a victim's sexual orientation or gender identity as an excuse ...


Gay News

WORLD India court, trans death, Guatemalan LGBTQs, Gay Games
2021-06-13
A court in India ordered state and federal officials to draw up plans for sweeping reforms to respect LGBTQ rights, in a ruling that went far beyond the terms of a case brought by a lesbian couple who said they had ...


Gay News

Congress makes Pulse Nightclub a national memorial
2021-06-12
The U.S. Senate unanimously passed legislation designating the site of the Pulse Nightclub a national memorial, NBC News reported. The House passed its version of the bill May 12. The measure now goes to President Joe ...


Gay News

Essential tips for your COVID-free travel
2021-06-10
COVID-19 will make travel a bit more complicated this summer. Going to Europe? Taking a cruise? Visiting Hawaii, San Juan or St. Lucia? Or maybe you are planning a road trip? The rules for traveling responsibly ...


Gay News

New Broadway Youth Center being readied for 2021 opening
2021-06-10
Work continues on Howard Brown Health's (Howard Brown) new 20,000 square-foot Broadway Youth Center (BYC) facility at 1053 W. Irving Park Rd. BYC has spent years looking for a permanent home. After launching in Lake View, ...


Gay News

Howard Brown Health looks ahead to post-pandemic Chicago
2021-06-10
As more Chicagoans get vaccinated against the COVID-19 infection, officials at Howard Brown Health (Howard Brown) are preparing their responses to a health landscape that will likely be much different from what it was before the ...


Gay News

When crime goes viral
2021-06-10
Activists say Illinois's law that makes it illegal to expose others to HIV is racist and homophobic. Now they're close to changing it.
In early 2016, Jimmy Amutavi had what he considered a happy life. More ...


Gay News

HIV at 40: Erie Family Health Center, focused on helping at-risk communities
2021-06-10
HIV/AIDS disproportionately affects Black communities—with Black gay and bisexual Black men and Black trans women being the most affected population than any other group in the country. More specifically, one in two Black MSM (men who ...


 



Copyright © 2021 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 

 

 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor
Sponsor


 



Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.