Are the biscotti going the way of the bagel? Remember when biscotti were charming little treats that came with your thick strong coffee at a cafe on a piazza in Italy? Well, at least at your favorite trattoria?
Now, they're ubiquitous. Starbucks, groceries, and fat-free versions at gourmet shops. Is this really what Italians wanted, when they unsuspectingly served up their crunchy treats to American tourists? Knowing what they do now, they might think twice about being so open to having their dessert turned into a low-fat dried cherry concoction (I have the recipe and it's really quite tasty).
What's next? Peanut butter biscotti? Gummi Bear? Laugh now, but it seemed ridiculous that anyone would put gummi bears in ice cream, and now, well, what flavor does your three-year-old nephew pick at 31 Flavors?
Surely, cheese biscotti or sausage biscotti can't be that far behind. Once all the sweet flavors have been exhausted, it's only natural that the merchandisers will turn to savory options.
After all, that's exactly what happened to the beloved bagel. Once only a deli staple, the poor besieged bagel has seen itself misshapen, maltreated, and messed with to an extent that my grandmother, who made her own egg bagels from scratch in a process involving the entire kitchen table, the counter and stove top, would not recognize the round sugary treats sold at every coffee shop and frozen foods case.
Bagels are simple. Egg, poppy, sesame, salt. Maybe a few raisins in the egg version, but that's as sweet as they're supposed to get.
Most chocolate chip bagel fans have no idea of the travesty they're eating (very tasty, but not a bagel). Orange, cranberry, pumpkin, cinnamon streusel. Just ordering a ham sandwich on a bagel should be illegal, but can bacon bagels, the ultimate irony (some call it insult) be far behind?
Now, the fancy apple pie bagels or protein-packed power bagels or Asiago cheese bagels don't even have holes in them. Isn't that the point of a bagel? Otherwise, you just have a roll. A very fancy, highly flavored roll, but not a bagel.
The inventor of the bagel dog (again, c'mon) could have at least cranked out circular hot dogs to fit inside the bagels, instead of conforming the bagels into being wraps around the dogs. Really, bagel dogs aren't any kind of bagel at all. They're just hot dogs cooked inside their buns.
When will people figure out that bagels and buns and other breads aren't the same as just another piece of bread? Really, most folks can't be blamed, since they most likely never had the chance to eat a real bagel in the first place.
Real bagels aren't soft and chewy, like you can find at the national chains. They also aren't dry and crumbly, like you can find in freezer sections at the grocery. No, real bagels are none of these things. Real bagels are first boiled, and then baked. Most mass-produced bagels are simply baked.
Oh, sure, I skip steps when cooking all the time, too. When was the last time anyone really sifted the flour. But, the boiling step is an absolute. Skip that, and you get just another mushy bagel. But, true bagels are boiled. Then they're popped in the oven, so that they become crispy on the outside, tender on the inside.
It is possible to still get the real thing, although it takes a little looking.
New York Bagel and Bialy has several outlets in the suburbs. The closest is located on Touhy, just off the Edens Highway Touhy East exit. Located in an outdated strip mall, this bagel and bialy emporium expanded to a second storefront over a decade ago, but the line can still stretch out the door on Sunday mornings. That's OK. It moves fast, and lets you watch the heat-resistant workers expertly navigating the ovens and steam, while balancing bagels on flat wooden boards with long arms, so that they can be moved safely in and out of the ovens. It also buys you some time to choose from the variety of mostly appropriately flavored bagels and bialys, in round or stick form, with or without onion, and, if you're lucky, steaming hot and fresh. The hot bagels and bialys are always what you want to be on the lookout for, even if the flavor isn't your first choice. You can also choose from a limited supply of simple pastries, and grab some milk, cream cheese, or lox from the refrigerated console.
Closer to the city is N.Y.C. Bagel. Located in the congested strip mall right at the southwest corners of North and Sheffield, this small store offers a smaller variety of bagels and bialys, but they are the real thing. Crisp outside, soft inside, and ready to be turned into deli sandwiches, if you like. Just order at the counter, and grab one of the precious few chairs. The constant TV will keep you company. A small selection of cookies and brownies can also be found, along with pops and chips.
