Windy City Media Group Frontpage News


home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2022-03-16



by David J. Magdziarz

This article shared 1867 times since Wed Dec 22, 2004
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

It can't be Christmas time yet, can it? Jeez, it is, so I guess I have no option except to present the annual Pretzel Logic Holiday Column.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Courtesy of a Sun-Times story from last Christmas, here are some recordings of holiday songs you should avoid this year and every year: "O Holy Night" sung by Barry "Greg Brady" Williams and Maureen "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia" McCormick; "The Dreidel Song" by the Chickens Symphony Orchestra; "Deck The Halls" sung by Dan "Hoss Cartwright" Blocker ( thankfully they've never played it at Charlie's ) ; "Silver Bells" by Kathie Lee Gifford and Regis Philbin; "Winter Wonderland" sung by the San Francisco 49ers ( OK, lesbians might like this one, and gay guys would have if only it were sung by the San Francisco 69ers ) ; "Here Comes Santa" sung by Little Joe Ritchie a/k/a Joe Pesci ( ???? ) ; "Hanukkah Rocks" by Joe Gefilte & the Fish ( this one's gotta smell ) ; and "Even Squeaky Fromme Likes Christmas" sung by the Rev. Glen Armstrong ( for when you want to celebrate a Manson Family Christmas ) .

Shiny Happy Chosen People

Here's an excerpt from an e-mail sent to me by a Jewish friend of mine, Steve: "Don't you just love how you really can't say 'Happy' for most Jewish holidays?!?!?!? Like you really can't say 'Happy Yom Kippur' or 'Happy Rosh Hashanah.' Most greeting cards say something like, 'Thinking of you on this holiday' or something like that. You can

say 'Happy Chanukah' but that is about it."

You're The Top

Do gay Jewish men who are tops refer to themselves as dreidels?

Santa Horny

The earliest Santa-like figure was Herne/Pan, god of the hunt, who was often depicted with reindeer-like horns on his head.


Over the centuries Santa ( and Santa-equivalents such as Pere Noël, Father Christmas, Grandfather Frost, etc ) has had numerous costume changes, including a bishop's frock, a long coat and tight pants, and fur-trimmed robes "in every color of the rainbow." The red and white suit we all know and love was introduced in 1931 as part of a Coca-Cola advertisement.

Supersized Santa

Although "St. Nicholas" is usually depicted as being tall, most popular references to Santa have him dwarf-like in height. It was not until the Coca-Cola ads that started in the '30's that Santa grew to full size. Must have been all those calories.

Cassius Claus

Boxing Day, celebrated in Britain, Canada and Australia on December 26, has nothing to do with professional prize fighting.

The Perfect Holiday For Sammy Davis, Jr.

Virgin Mobile USA has ads out that refer to "Chrismahanukwanzakah."

From Virgin Mary To Virgin Mobile

One Virgin Mobile ad wishes a "Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah," and depicts a reindeer with menorah-shaped antlers, a Star of David resting on his forehead, and wearing an amulet in the shape of the African continent around his neck, while in the background two four-armed Santas sit on lotus flowers, with each one playing the sitar and holding a dreidel.

OC Can You Sue?

The Fox-TV show "The OC" had an episode that mentioned "Chrismukkah," a hybrid holiday one of the characters on the show invented for his family. Some guy in Montana was inspired to come up with a line of Chrismukkah cards, and now both sides are getting their lawyers ready.

Wearing Rudolph

I own a pair of Tony Lama caribou-skin cowboy boots that I usually wear on either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. The word "caribou" is defined as "any of several large reindeer native to northern North America."

If you've ever caught Santa Claus wearing nothing but his boots, e-mail me at and tell me about the ho-ho-ho.

This article shared 1867 times since Wed Dec 22, 2004
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


Gay News

Pride Journey: Iceland 2022-03-21
- The only way to describe Iceland is ... magical. It truly is. Iceland is like no other place I've visited in the world. It's topography, climate, people, culture, history, and nightlife blended together make Iceland a ...

Gay News

PASSAGES Jeffrey Wayne ("Jef") Morgan 2022-01-11
- Jeffrey Wayne "Jef" Morgan, of Chicago's West Rogers Park neighborhood, passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack while shoveling snow on Jan. 2. He was 58. Jef was the well-loved manager at Little Jim's on ...

Gay News

'Andersonville Homecoming' Sept. 24-26; line-up, vendors, safety protocols announced 2021-09-15
--From a press release - CHICAGO (Sept. 15, 2021) The Andersonville Chamber of Commerce (ACC) is pleased to announce the full entertainment line-up and vendors for Andersonville Homecoming--a three-night, two-day outdoor festival featuring ...

Gay News

Next OUTspoken show Sept. 7 2021-08-24
- An OUTspoken Storytelling Night taking place Tuesday, Sept. 7, will offer tales told by six people who will relate their stories of fun and fortune from a LGBTQ+ perspective. The entertainment will start at 7 p.m. ...

Gay News

Taste of River North cancelled 2021-07-29
- On July 29, the River North Residents Association, along with theMART and Duff Entertainment, announced the cancellation of the 2021 edition of Taste of River North. The event was slated to take place Aug. 20-21 at ...

Gay News

OUTspoken storytelling to host six takes from LGBTQ+ perspective 2021-07-26
--From a press release - The month of August is hot - but OUTspoken at the Sidetrack will be even hotter on Aug. 3 when six storytellers will tell tales of fun and fortune from a LGBTQ+ perspective! The program will start at 7:00 pm at ...

Gay News

LGBTQIA+ tavern to open in Uptown this fall 2021-07-14
- 2Bears Tavern Group—which owns and operates Andersonville's The SoFo Tap and Meeting House Tavern as well as Rogers Park's Jackhammer—is opening 2Bears Tavern Uptown in the former Nick's on Wilson space at 1140 W. Wilson Ave. ...

Gay News

Pride Parade coordinator provides latest on the 'likely scenario' for event 2021-05-08
- Tim Frye, the coordinator of the 2021 Pride Parade, told Windy City Times that the assessment of this year's event has not changed over the last few weeks. The official statement/assessment at this point is: "We ...

Gay News

OUTspoken Storytelling to host tales from LGBTQ perspectives Nov. 10 2020-11-01
--From a press release - Another exciting OUTspoken Storytelling Night will offer the perspective of four Chicagoans telling life's stories from their LGBTQ+ viewpoint or that of their close friends and relatives, Tuesday, Nov. 10, starting at 7 p.m. on Zoom. ...

Gay News

Arts in the Dark Halloween Parade, this year a drive-through 2020-10-26
--From a Chicago Park District press release - CHICAGO: LUMA8, in collaboration with the Department of Cultural Affairs and Special Events (DCASE), the Chicago Park District and Presenting Sponsor, the Blommer Chocolate Company, is pleased to announce Arts in the Dark - an UPSIDE ...

Gay News

Nightlines 1990-2001, Nightspots 2001-2015 2020-09-30
- Throughout the 1990s, Nightlines focused on the LGBTQ entertainment scene, from the bars to the stage and everything in between. With the new millennium came a significant format change as Nightspots focused in on the bar ...

Gay News

PASSAGES Former Northalsted bartender Eric Sangster dies at 37 2020-09-27
- Northalsted bartender Eric Sangster died Sept. 17 unexpectedly at the age of 37. At the time of this article's publication, Sangster's cause of death is unknown. Sangster was born June 4, 1983, on a Jacksonville, North ...

Gay News

PASSAGES Gay business owner/nightlife figure Bob Yeaworth dies 2020-09-20
- Gay business owner and promoter Robert "Bob" Yeaworth died Sept. 14 from complications due to his ALS (also known as Lou Gehrig's disease) diagnosis. He was 64. Yeaworth was born Sept. 17, 1955 in Cincinnati, Ohio, ...

Gay News

PASSAGES Medusa's owner Dave Shelton passes away 2020-08-19
- Dave Shelton, a.k.a. Dave "Medusa" Shelton—so named for his trademark frizzy locks— "just was different," recalled his good friend of 45 years, Richard Cooke. Shelton was the proprietor of the iconic nightspot Medusa's on Sheffield in ...

Gay News

Gerber/Hart fall benefit Sept. 12-13 2020-08-08
- The Gerber/Hart Library and Archives fall benefit—"Saving LGBTQ History: Archives in a Time of Activism"—will take place Sept. 12-13 at the venue, 6500 N. Clark St. On those days, there will be a series of 90-minute ...


Copyright © 2022 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.






About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.