In writing of the warrior, Morihei Ueshiba observed "when life is victorious, there is birth; when it is thwarted, there is death. A warrior is always engaged in a life-and-death struggle for peace."
Nancy Reiff passed away Nov. 30 after a lifetime of victories as an activist as, in her own words "a warrior doing battle one moment at a time." Her caretaker Agnes was with her.
Reiff was born on New Year's Eve 1949.
An alumni of Harper High School in Englewood and the Richard J. Daley College, she grew up with Chicago in her blood and was thus the kind of fighter not only inherent to the city but exemplified by the Chicago Cubs, of whom she was a life-long fan.
In a 2008 survey for ChicagoGayHistory.org, Reiff said that in 1968, one year before Stonewall, at the age of 18, "I found myself very much attracted to a woman and sexually acting on it ... it was as natural as breathing. … Right after my first sexual experience, I came out to a friend who was a priest and made my last confession. His words to me were remarkable: 'Be grateful you love someone. Some people go through life never having loved or having been in love. There is nothing wrong with you being in love with a woman.' … ahhhhh good old Catholic guilt."
A gifted artist, Reiff received numerous city awards for her work even as a teenager, telling Windy City Times that she believed "creativity and spirituality are one."
In the 1970s, she began to work in the local bar scene. Her first job was at the famed theater bar Punchinello's. There she worked with a man who would become a dear friend, promoter David Aaron. The two shared an apartment together.
Recalling those days, she told Windy City Times writer Sukie de la Croix, "All the entertainers who were appearing at the different theaters would come into Punchinello's. They had entertainment in the bar; a gentlemen by the name of Bruce Robbins was the piano player. It was spontaneous; if Carol Channing was there, she'd get up and do a song, if Della Reese was there, she would get up and do a song. Barry Manilow would come in, Bette Midler would come in. It was a wonderful, wonderful time."
Reiff eventually moved on to manage Marilyn's bar and joined the Tavern Guild in 1974.
Although a staunch community activist, Reiff admitted to de la Croix that there were differences between her work and that of the more radical lesbian separatists who frequented the North Side restaurant Mama Peaches.
"I got on OK with them. Just OK," she recalled. "When I had Marilyn's, I was always trying to do things, to get community involvement, get the women involved, and when I would do dance contests, the feminists would be up in arms, 'Who was I to try and judge my sisters?' They were always upset about dance contests, so I was never really involved with them. Their politics and mine were completely different."
In 1980, Reiff spent three years as a columnist for Gay Chicago Magazine. Also in the 1980s, she owned Balloons To You, a Lakeview business.
In 1985 she fought a tough battle with substance abuse, something which had haunted her since she was a teenager. As with each of the battles she fought, Reiff prevailed and, in June 1989, Reiff was picked by then-mayor Richard M. Daley as his special assistant on gay and lesbian affairs.
Her political activism had started at age 10, campaigning for John F. Kennedy. "The ward committeeman sent me out with campaign fliers and buttons and door to door I went," Reiff said to ChicagoGayHistory. "Over the years i have been involved in numerous campaigns. For many years I was very active with the 44th Ward Democratic Organization. The most memorable that of Richard M. Daley in 1989, in which I volunteered and after the primary was in a paid position on his campaign staff." She was the first open lesbian appointed to the mayor's staff.
Five months into her new job, there was a contentious meeting between Daley and gay and lesbian activists at Ann Sather restaurant in Lakeview. The meeting was supposed to address a better response by the city to the AIDS crisis and the dearth of LGBT representatives in Daley's administration. But it got so heated that Daley stormed out to a cascade of jeers.
But Reiff kept her head up despite accusations that she was working with Daley to diminish the influence of the Committee on Gay and Lesbian Issues (COGLI) which had been formed during the Harold Washington administration.
She was also at the receiving end of attacks from Gay Chicago cartoonist and AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power (ACT UP) member Daniel Sotomayor.
She left the mayor's assistant role in 1992 and moved on to open the Mambo Mambo espresso bar and gallery in Lakeview the same year. On its walls, Reiff made sure the work of local artists was highlighted,
In 1996, she opened the Icon club in River North.
"I thought it was a great time to open up a new place—a place for women who work in the Loop and want to relax afterwards, a place for sophisticated women, women who love salsa and other dance music like tribal and house," Reiff told the Chicago Tribune. "It just felt so right, like it was meant to be."
In the early 2000s, Reiff worked briefly in sales for Windy City Times. She served on the board of Chicago House in 1986, and was also on the board of Chicago Round-Up, and served as the event's co-chair in 1989. She was a key volunteer over the years with New Town Alano Club, Rodde Center, Metamorphosis, Orange Ball, Bonaventure House, Tavern Guild, International Mr. Leather recovery meetings, and the Prairie State Democratic Club.
Her work on AIDS issues was influenced by her own loss. "The AIDS epidemic has had a tremendous impact on my life," she told ChicagoGayHistory. "I can no longer count how many friends i have lost. In november of 1989 Dale Sapper, my best friend, died. In 1984 my dear friend and little brother, Thom Dombkowski was diagnosed with HIV ... he put up a glorious fight until 2006. It was Thom who asked me to join the board of Chicago House in 1986."
Reiff's recent battle with lung cancer that had metastasized to her brain was one that Reiff faced with a warrior's spirit. In November, she wrote that she was grateful for "each moment my eyes are open and each breath I take."
There seemed no limit to the lives Reiff touched, as a friend, a woman who helped to shape the Chicago LGBTQ landscape and, to some, the quintessential fairy godmother.
The tributes continue to be added to her social media page.
One friend and coworker from Midlothian, Illinois recalled a picture given to her by Reiff which illustrates Lewis Carroll's Alice talking with The Cheshire Cat. Inscribed on the image is a quote from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.
"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
