On Wed., Sept. 14, a beautiful man named Jay Cutliff passed away. Jay was our son, our brother and our uncle, our lover and our partner. As much as any of these, Jay was our friend and we miss him very much.
Jay was born James Arthur Cutliff, Jr., in Louisville, Ky. He grew up there in a warm and loving home with his mom and dad and his two sisters. Later, his maternal grandmother, "Granny," would come and live with Jay and his family, also. The summers and most weekends of his childhood were often spent outside of Louisville, visiting his grandparents in Lake Cumberland, Ky., and later camping at Barren Lake State Park near Scottsville, Ky.
Jay remembered his youth as a very happy time, riding his Big Wheel up and down the roads at the lake, swimming with his nieces, or playing with his cousins until late in the evening. When he'd go to bed, he would listen to his parents and his aunts and uncles outside, and he would fall asleep to the sound of their laughter. When he would wake up the next morning, Jay recalled that there were usually 15 or 20 relatives sleeping somewhere in the same room. He said he was lucky if he woke up in a chair, and not on the floor or ground. His life growing up was centered with his family. His favorite memories were of Saturday mornings with his mom, sitting at the kitchen table and scanning that week's grocery store circulars. Then they would both get in his mom's Bonneville and go shopping, usually hitting three or four grocery stores, according to what was on sale.
Jay attended Frayser and Perry elementary schools, and Noe Middle School in Louisville. He also was a very proud 1985 graduate of duPont Manual High School there. He remained in Louisville for a few years after high school, working at Berman Leathers and later at The GAP. He also worked at The Annex, then a popular gay night club in downtown Louisville.
In 1992 Jay moved to Chicago, to work at GAP Warehouse. He worked for The GAP for most of his career. He was store manager at Old Navy in Skokie, and at Banana Republic in Water Tower Place. He also was a manager at IKEA in Schaumburg when that store opened in 1998. In 2004 Jay retired permanently from work due to a disability. He loved working, especially with his "Moms" and with new employees. Many former co-workers have said that Jay was their first boss, and he was an excellent teacher and trainer.
On Feb. 14, 1996, Jay met his future partner and his soulmate, Jim. They fell in love, and would remain so thereafter and forever. Their home in Lincoln Park also included the other object of their affection, their dog Dottie. Jay and Jim adored Dottie from the moment they met. Dottie, though she may have had two masters, had only one true love and that was Jay. At age 13, Dottie died just one week before Jay passed away. Jim mourns the loss of both of them, but also is thankful for the many years of fun, goofiness and love shared with Jay and Dottie.
Jay wasn't a member of any church or religious congregation, nor any club, society or association of any kind. He loved a party, though, and was always ready to join the group and tag along, wherever it was going. He truly sparkled among a crowd. His joyful attitude and his engaging personality gained him many friends. He was easy to talk to and an excellent listener. Jay was a very warm and sensitive individual, trusting of everyone, and ready to invite you into his life. He thought of all his friends as his family.
In 2003, Jay was diagnosed with an advanced form of HIV, and he became permanently disabled from it the following year. In February 2011, Jay was diagnosed with cancer. His fight against it was heroic, to say the least. The disease was, however, more than his body could overcome, and eventually cancer would claim his life. He was only 44 years old when he died.
Jay brought much love and much laughter to a lot of lives. For a few of us, just seeing someone roll his eyes will forever remind us of Jay. Possibly at a club or at a party some evening, we'll hear someone say "Mmmmkaaay!" and we will definitely remember Jay. For all of us, holidays won't be the same without one of Jay's homemade greeting cards, starring Dottie. Jay was an energetic, fun, and happy person. He was an easy person to love. He will be remembered often, and missed as much.
Jay is survived by partner Jim O'Donnell. In Chicago he is survived by his close friends Frank and Ken, Claudia, Amy, Dan and Lou, Mike, Chip, Eddie, Wayne, Michael, Mary and Jim and Kevin, Chris and Xavier, and Niall; his sisters, brother, nieces and nephews from Jim's family; and many more friends in Chicago, Louisville and elsewhere. In Kentucky he is survived by his parents Art and Ivy of Scottsville, Ky; his sisters and brothers Anetta, Donna, Steve and Chuck; his nephews Patton, Chris, Travis and LaRon; and his nieces Charity, Erin, Missy, Jennifer, Stephanie, Kristin and Lindsey, all of the greater Louisville area. There are also many cousins, aunts and uncles.
A service to celebrate Jay's life was held in Louisville Sept. 19, and Jay was buried at Resthaven Memorial Park there. No services in Chicago are planned. Arrangements were c/o Arch L. Heady and Sons Funeral Directors, Resthaven Memorial Park and Chapel, 4400 Bardstown Road, Louisville, Ky., 40228; 502-491-5950. Contributions sent to the hospice program at Northwestern Memorial Hospital or to the Chicago Anti-Cruelty Society are appreciated.
We wish to thank the staff at Northwestern Memorial Hospital's Infectious Diseases Center, Lurie Cancer Center and hospice program, as well as The Feinberg School of Medicine and the Cancer Wing of Prentice Women's Hospital. To doctors Frank Palella, John Hayes and Maxwell Vergo, and especially to the nurses at Northwestern—each one of whom cared for Jay like he was a son or a brother—we cannot express in words how grateful we are to you. You made Jay's life better.
