Although storybooks yap about kissing frogs to discover royalty, Venus' retrograde shows that more often than not the opposite happens; that is, behind every kissable face could lurk the Creature from the Black Lagoon. Before you get carried away to some swamp, remember to keep your eyes open while puckering up.
ARIES Choose lovers carefully dear, queer Ram; nighttime lust looks shabby in the harsh light of day. There is no sadder sight than a tired, squinting Ram wearing yesterday's wrinkled ensemble, waiting at the bus stop because cabfare was not forthcoming.
TAURUS Queer Bulls may come to expect that even their grander efforts may go unappreciated during the Venus retrograde. Don't let it get you down; think of the advantages of not having to make many grand efforts in the next month. Just be your grand self.
GEMINI Retro Venus may take the enjoyment out of the job. (Assuming that there was any enjoyment to begin with....) Pink Twins have the capacity to put this all into perspective. The secret is not to rely on others to get work done.
CANCER Who would have thought that you would have so much energy to get into all sorts of mischief? Be a bit discerning in your choice of parties to attend; you don't want to be photographed carousing with Reverend Wildmon ... or would you?
LEO Proud Lions should delay redecorating plans until Nov. 21 when inspiration returns. Otherwise you may decide that the iron coffin looks fabulous in the bedroom. Come to think of it, it may improve your "technique."
VIRGO With retro Venus, even the most sincerest compliment can sound like a fart. However, you more than other signs can find a way to rebound from the worst of the fallout. Just refrain from giving any important speeches on behalf of our community until late November.
LIBRA Queer Libras soon realize that their most treasured possessions are not worth a whit when the total is tallied. Can you put a price tag on happiness? Definitely not ... unless the idea of a champagne bath with a bevy of g-stringed gigolos warms your cockles.
SCORPIO Let the fashion chips fall where they may gay Scorp; I know that you really don't care about facades. (Or do you...?) Try to give the appearance of being interested in others. One or two new acquaintances surprise you.
SAGITTARIUS Life is sooo mellow you may not even realize that others are trying to take advantage of you. This will pass but try not to give away the store in the meantime. Do give away the smelly contents of your closet though ... and those red hightop sneakers.
CAPRICORN Who can tell friend from foe with retro Venus? Pink Caps must keep a discerning eye out for any Judas at the table and even then the question remains; will you be cajoled by false flattery? Probably, but anyone who undermines you will live to regret it.
AQUARIUS Aqueerians are advised to plan their course of action carefully. Any bombs that you deploy will hit the target and some quantifiable advancements are achievable now. And forget that "Don't ask, don't tell" nonsense. Broadcast it if necessary.
PISCES Guppies may experience a sense of emptiness when Venus is retrograde. The spark is not there. Oh well; joi de vivre will have to wait. In the meantime, you might as well suffer boredom in a balmy climate. Sulk and snooze in Maui.