Pluto, the planet eruptions and disruptions, 'retrogrades' in Sagittarius for the next few months. Prepare for some old demons to reemerge and give you one last bite on the butt. Let's hope one or two of them are vegetarians ...
ARIES Proud Rams may wish to avoid any extensive travel at this time; bags get lost, reservations screwed up and you may wind up sharing your room with a retired insurance broker from Idaho. Pluto sez it will always be hurricane season in Key West.
TAURUS Retrograding Pluto has a way of tossing a pot of cold water on your hottest frontburner over the next few months. But never fear queer Bull; before you know it you'll be cooking on all four burners. Be careful of burn marks ... but not of catching fire.
GEMINI Avoid any arguments with partners. Any deeply buried unreconciled issues can resurface now but nothing can be gained when you're under such pressure. Retrograde Pluto clamps your nipple in a vise. But maybe that is your thing, pink Twin?
CANCER Strenuous exercise may not have the desired effect now so spare yourself the strains and pains now. Your job may become more onerous too. Gay Crabs cannot be queen bee when Pluto crowns them dispensable drones. Plan a revolution in the fall, comrade.
LEO Retro Pluto rains on your pride parade as fun is simply too much trouble. Don't despair, gay Lion; when this volcanic orb redirects you can recharge le bon temps to full gay tempo. For now, sit this dance out and keep your parties small and tres intimate.
VIRGO Just when you thought your closet was open and emptied, a relative tries to shut the door. Do not change a thing in your life just to achieve familial harmony. The answer is to agree to disagree and leave it at that. Don't make their problem your problem.
LIBRA Pink Libras should keep their ill-conceived ideas to themselves and not bleat them to any and all. Thankfully Pluto soon redirects but not before you try to put a rather large foot into your comparatively small mouth. Chew well and swallow, pal.
SCORPIO Filthy lucre will be hard to acquire and even harder to hold when Pluto retrogrades. Stick to conservative investments and avoid risk. Bears and bulls make money, but piggies lose their shirts, queer Scorp.
SAGITTARIUS A flash of self-confidence is dampened by retrograde Pluto. This dreary transit shall eventually pass but not before gay Archers manage one final public over-exposure. Forewarned is forearmed, I say, so avoid crotchless pants until late summer.
CAPRICORN As Pluto begins its backward blitzkrieg, pink Caps can't help but imagine all sorts of heinous acts going on behind the scenes. Don't be afraid to take up arms and oppose them. But sometimes the worst fears are what we conjure, not what we conquer.
AQUARIUS Aqueerians are too willing to help a pal in distress, however Pluto teaches you the limits of charity. There are so-called friends who guzzle the milk of human kindness and move on when another source looms large. Pluto posts these thieves on your milk carton.
PISCES One rung on your ladder of success has been sawed through. Blame retro Pluto for one step forward / two steps back in your career. Guppies need to slowly build anew. Your next climb up is on a more solid foundation in a stronger real estate market.