Foggy Neptune usually takes us off on tangents but now our ability to get lost accelerates as it begins a five-month retrograde. What we thought we could grab in our fist leaks out like jello. Prepare now for the squish later and wear vinyl ... or is it cellophane?
ARIES Proud Rams test the limits of friendship during Neptune's retrograde. But do us all a favor and try to rein in your more volatile antics, cousin. There is something about a wilde and woolly Ram unleashed and unhinged that would even scare Al Qaeda.
TAURUS Gay Bulls' sense of corporate survival is nothing short of amazing. But as Neptune bumps and grinds through the summer you find that your tired tap dancing hooves begin to scrape the sheen off your corporate profile. Is a getaway in order? So ordered!!
GEMINI Pink Twins believe they are planning a serene little getaway, but these beliefs are now made to be challenged. As Neptune clog dances in the next five months, vacations take on a seamy underworld life of their own. Who knows? You may enjoy it!
CANCER Retrograde Neptune conjures up a variety of seductive maneuvers that can be generously applied to anyone, everyone and anything you crave. Hopefully, as Neptune continues with its hindsight so will you. Is three a crowd? Only in a closet!!
LEO Queer Lions ache for a relationship where they are adored and revered. With retro Neptune you allow yourself to be despoiled and discarded. Wise up as you find yourself picking up the wet towels. Have treadmarks on your back become a fashion statement?
VIRGO If your desk looks condemnable, blame it on retro Neptune. Pink Virgins should pursue the zeitgeist of their daily existence rather than hunkering down to work. Eventually your hungry zeitgeist may also require sessions with a personal trainer. Ahem.
LIBRA Retro Neptune tempts you to commit greater acts in the name of fun. Gay Libras won't know when they've reached their Outer limit. As Neptune continues to regress, you may also require a few stiff drinks. Avoid drinks and pursue other stiff things.
SCORPIO Past rifts with family come to the fore during retro Neptune. The temptation is demand acceptance. Frankly though do you really need anyone's stamp of approval? Just be your proud self and stop caring about what others think, queer Scorp.
SAGITTARIUS Retro Neptune either makes you a guru or a goon. Proud Archers should let others do the talking and keep their inflammatory opinions to themselves. Meanwhile, Neptune may also deliver a few great sparks of creative genius ... or is that just gas?
CAPRICORN Rainbow Goats are not usually warm and fuzzy but now you're about to molt. Retro Neptune makes you a soft touch. But before you spend with abandon on a Bill Goat Gruff, be sure you do not wake up next to a troll. Unless that is your thing . ...
AQUARIUS Although you tend to have a strong identity, retro Neptune in your own sign casts doubts. Even worse, Neptune goads you to accept fashion suggestions from anybody. Aqueerians should never be seen in public wearing a puce velveteen jumpsuit.
PISCES The best use of retro Neptune energy is to open your closet and let those nasty gremlins Out. As Neptune continues its retrograde, examine your contributions to the community. There will be a reward at the end of the rainbow. No it is not a leprechaun.