Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor

  NIGHTSPOTS

Now See Here
2010-12-08

This article shared 1395 times since Wed Dec 8, 2010
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email


With a view toward originality, a great gift idea is a pair of classic spex from any of your local Brown Elephant stores. Not only do they jump-start your fashion battery, these are gifts with a story to tell. And at $2 a pop, these funky frames will talk your ear off. Here are a few examples of the rich narrative which is simply bursting from these necessary accessories.

The Ida

Ida Perlberg was a real character, she was. A real chatterbox. It was April 1957, when Ida came storming in to Judy's Beauty with a real beaut of a story to tell.

Me and Mavis was in for a quick wash-and-set before the big bowling tournament—you know, when Murray bowled that perfect game and won a round of Schlitz for the whole alley and Tessie had that allergic reaction to the dirty beer glass and made a real mess of Lane 8? Anyway, Ida threw open the door just ready to bust with this doozy of a story.

Ida had spent the previous night in the company of a certain bachelor gentleman from the dry cleaners who always wore a fresh pink carnation in his lapel, if you catch my drift. Well, her and this gentleman had stopped off for a Tom Collins up at the Rialto Lounge. They had just finished a less-than-stellar steak down the street and, rather than call the date a disaster and part ways, they figured maybe some booze would kick things off a bit.

Anyways, they get their drinks, Ida sits down and this guy excuses himself to the john. After about 10 minutes, he hadn't come back and Ida grew suspicious. Not one to be ditched, Ida slips into the men's toilet to confront the guy and notices two stalls, both with closed doors. She looks underneath to see if she can recognize his shoes, only she don't see his shoes. She sees his knees--and the shoes of the guy in the next stall. And they were gettin' pretty chummy.

Well, we had never heard of a glory hole before but we knew one thing: we was never going back to the Rialto Lounge again!

The "Maria"

Late at night, alone in his creaky twin bed, Simon would still hear the digitized beeps and boops of the cash register at which he slaved daily for a meager living. His fingers, smeared with the ink of this week's batch of two-for-one coupons, were rubbed down to the nub from the constant clattering on the grocery computer. He found little solace in the promise of sleep, for this promise was betrayed each morning as he fastened his sickly plaid tie and his diarrhea-brown vest for one more day of dealing with the price checks and plastic bags of his sad, sad daytime life.

Simon's only oasis came when he arrived home at night, consumed his Healthy Choice, washed his fork, placed it back in the drawer and sat down at his antique vanity, a gift his mother had always wished to pass down to a daughter. There, seated in the glow of the fluorescent globes which encircled the mirror, he'd lift the sunglasses off the styrofoam wig form, hit play on the CD player and, in a blinding flash he WAS Miss Maria Muldaur and it was once again midnight.

"Midnight at the oasis,

send your camel to bed.

Shadows painitng our faces,

traces of romance in our heads."

His movements fluid, his silhouette delicate, his motives clear: to head off to a sand dune real soon and kick up a little dust.

Precious Penelope and Sparkles weren't exactly the most captive audience and their admission was free, but Simon knew in his heart of hearts that if diabetic cats could applaud, they surely would.

"Spike"

Awww, fuck yeah. Play with those nips. Just like that. Yeah.

You like to smell my armpit? You like that, boy? I knew you would like that. When I saw you bent over the end of the bar, I said to myself, "I'm gonna shove his head in my sweaty armpit." Were you thinking that too? Well, were you?

Then what are you thinking? I told you what's in my head, now you tell me what's in yours. I don't like to be disobeyed, boy. You know what else I don't like. Holes in my socks. It bothers me all day and I can't focus on driving. I got a ticket last month because I was obsessing about a hole in my sock and blew through a stop sign. The cop yelled at me and I couldn't stop crying...

No, wait. I mean I yelled at HIM and HE couldn't stop crying. That's what you wanna hear, huh boy? That I made that fuckin' cop cry? Well, is that what you wanna hear? Why won't you communicate with me?

What's that, boy? You wanna go? Well, fuckin' fine. If you can't take all this... manhood, I guess... you could... oh, fuck it.

This isn't really me. I found these sunglasses on the counter at Starbucks and I've been really stressed lately at the flower shop, what with this being the holiday season and all. I just thought that I could pull this off.

Don't get me wrong, I WAS totally thinking about the whole armpit thing, but I also thought that afterwards we could watch Gossip Girl and talk about quick and easy Crock Pot recipes. Is that what you wanna talk about, boy? It is? I guess the glasses worked after all!


This article shared 1395 times since Wed Dec 8, 2010
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email

  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

'Andersonville Homecoming' Sept. 24-26; line-up, vendors, safety protocols announced 2021-09-15
--From a press release - CHICAGO (Sept. 15, 2021) — The Andersonville Chamber of Commerce (ACC) is pleased to announce the full entertainment line-up and vendors for Andersonville Homecoming--a three-night, two-day outdoor festival featuring ...


Gay News

Next OUTspoken show Sept. 7 2021-08-24
- An OUTspoken Storytelling Night taking place Tuesday, Sept. 7, will offer tales told by six people who will relate their stories of fun and fortune from a LGBTQ+ perspective. The entertainment will start at 7 p.m. ...


Gay News

Taste of River North cancelled 2021-07-29
- On July 29, the River North Residents Association, along with theMART and Duff Entertainment, announced the cancellation of the 2021 edition of Taste of River North. The event was slated to take place Aug. 20-21 at ...


Gay News

OUTspoken storytelling to host six takes from LGBTQ+ perspective 2021-07-26
--From a press release - The month of August is hot - but OUTspoken at the Sidetrack will be even hotter on Aug. 3 when six storytellers will tell tales of fun and fortune from a LGBTQ+ perspective! The program will start at 7:00 pm at ...


Gay News

LGBTQIA+ tavern to open in Uptown this fall 2021-07-14
- 2Bears Tavern Group—which owns and operates Andersonville's The SoFo Tap and Meeting House Tavern as well as Rogers Park's Jackhammer—is opening 2Bears Tavern Uptown in the former Nick's on Wilson space at 1140 W. Wilson Ave. ...


Gay News

Pride Parade coordinator provides latest on the 'likely scenario' for event 2021-05-08
- Tim Frye, the coordinator of the 2021 Pride Parade, told Windy City Times that the assessment of this year's event has not changed over the last few weeks. The official statement/assessment at this point is: "We ...


Gay News

OUTspoken Storytelling to host tales from LGBTQ perspectives Nov. 10 2020-11-01
--From a press release - Another exciting OUTspoken Storytelling Night will offer the perspective of four Chicagoans telling life's stories from their LGBTQ+ viewpoint or that of their close friends and relatives, Tuesday, Nov. 10, starting at 7 p.m. on Zoom. ...


Gay News

Arts in the Dark Halloween Parade, this year a drive-through 2020-10-26
--From a Chicago Park District press release - CHICAGO: LUMA8, in collaboration with the Department of Cultural Affairs and Special Events (DCASE), the Chicago Park District and Presenting Sponsor, the Blommer Chocolate Company, is pleased to announce Arts in the Dark - an UPSIDE ...


Gay News

Nightlines 1990-2001, Nightspots 2001-2015 2020-09-30
- Throughout the 1990s, Nightlines focused on the LGBTQ entertainment scene, from the bars to the stage and everything in between. With the new millennium came a significant format change as Nightspots focused in on the bar ...


Gay News

PASSAGES Former Northalsted bartender Eric Sangster dies at 37 2020-09-27
- Northalsted bartender Eric Sangster died Sept. 17 unexpectedly at the age of 37. At the time of this article's publication, Sangster's cause of death is unknown. Sangster was born June 4, 1983, on a Jacksonville, North ...


Gay News

PASSAGES Gay business owner/nightlife figure Bob Yeaworth dies 2020-09-20
- Gay business owner and promoter Robert "Bob" Yeaworth died Sept. 14 from complications due to his ALS (also known as Lou Gehrig's disease) diagnosis. He was 64. Yeaworth was born Sept. 17, 1955 in Cincinnati, Ohio, ...


Gay News

PASSAGES Medusa's owner Dave Shelton passes away 2020-08-19
- Dave Shelton, a.k.a. Dave "Medusa" Shelton—so named for his trademark frizzy locks— "just was different," recalled his good friend of 45 years, Richard Cooke. Shelton was the proprietor of the iconic nightspot Medusa's on Sheffield in ...


Gay News

Gerber/Hart fall benefit Sept. 12-13 2020-08-08
- The Gerber/Hart Library and Archives fall benefit—"Saving LGBTQ History: Archives in a Time of Activism"—will take place Sept. 12-13 at the venue, 6500 N. Clark St. On those days, there will be a series of 90-minute ...


Gay News

Holocaust Museum's virtual soiree Sept. 2 2020-08-06
- On Wed., Sept. 2, Illinois Holocaust Museum & Education Center's Women's Leadership Committee will host its annual soirée virtually. The event will stream live from a studio with a star-studded line-up featuring a musical performance by ...


Gay News

Virtual OPALGA+ scholarship gala slated for Oct. 24 2020-08-06
- OPALGA+/Oak Park Area Lesbian & Gay Association will hold a virtual scholarship gala Saturday, Oct. 24, at 7 p.m. The event will feature video clips from the organization's scholarship winners, the Founder's Award celebration and opportunities ...


 



Copyright © 2021 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 
 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor


 



Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.