Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor

  IDENTITY

Not all Bisexuals Are a Menace to Lesbian Culture
by Vicky Nabors
2004-08-01

This article shared 3974 times since Sun Aug 1, 2004
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


Several years ago, an ex invited me to a private party that changed my perception of bisexual wimyn. It also provided me with a fuller understanding of sistahs living double lives, i.e., the 'DL.' Of course the term hadn't been coined back then, but it was the same behavior, married heterosexual wimyn having secret relationships with lesbians.

Connotatively, the term bisexual will cause lesbians to scurry. Unfortunately, too many lesbians have experienced lies, deceit and betrayal from a lover whose bisexuality is revealed. As a result, the mere utterance of the term 'bisexual' ignites anger in the once-scorned partner. The lies, of course, are about sexual intercourse with men. They sleep with men—then, they sleep with wimyn—can anyone say, 'Ick?'

As a result of that party, I learned that not all bisexual wimyn are a menace to my lesbian lifestyle. Three types of bisexual behaviors were revealed that night. Wimyn in the first group all had husbands or boyfriends as primary companions. 'I love my man, but sometimes I crave the softness of a womyn,' said one participant, and many agreed with her. This group of bisexuals isn't really harmful to lesbians because they seem to seek bisexuals similar to themselves. They understand and maintain a code of secrecy to protect their preferred heterosexual lifestyle.

Now the second group presents the problem. Many of these sistahs give all bisexuals a bad rap, because they thirst for men and wimyn equally. It's a personality and/or physical attribute that they seek for sexual gratification or relationships, not a gender. That's fine—we have choice, but here's the problem, once they lock onto a prime candidate, they'll do and say anything to snare her, including deceit and manipulation. I've listened to many arguments, on this topic, from sistahs in support of this lifestyle. One said, 'If I tell the truth, no one will want to date me!'

I suggested that she might seek bisexual wimyn like herself, and leave lesbians alone. Deceiving your lesbian lover about past, and current, sexual activities, especially with men is unethical. Lesbians and men are like oil and water, they don't mix; it's the nature of our lesbian essence. Therefore, bisexual wimyn, in this second group, should respect lesbian culture, and be truthful. There are a few lesbians, however, who will date bisexual wimyn; still it's about being truthful. Additionally, when the lesbian community is free of male sexual influence, we remain at the lowest risk for HIV and other STD's—lesbians embrace these statistics, and will therefore protect and defend them.

The third type of bisexual is the sistah who's testing the waters of lesbianism. Most of her life, she's felt an urge to experience wimyn, but fear always stopped her. Eventually, all closet doors open, and she'll slowly emerge. Initially, she'll be confused over defining herself. She understands the bisexual term as a womyn who sleeps with men and wimyn—and she has—so she embraces it. It also serves as a safety net during her transition through the coming-out process; it's less confusing. Later, when she's certain that this is who she truly is, she'll comfortably redefine herself as a proud lesbian.

Many of you who came from relationships with men went through this phase. Some newcomers learned, early on, that the term bisexual held negative connotations in the community, and used the phrase, 'coming out' instead. It's all the same. Still, using acceptable terminology is important to ones being accepted into the community. I didn't know that my ex was bisexual, but I definitely knew after that party; I was pretty pissed.

Three bisexual groups, three different agendas—one likes an occasional change in scenery, one's deceitful, and one's searching for the door to freedom. We should ignore the first group, use 'Raid' on the second group (only when they try to deceive us), and embrace the third group.

Double standards have always come at the expense of wimyn, so sistahs living on the 'DL' excite me. This 'DL' situation occurs when a womyn from the third group experiences difficulties coming out, i.e. finance, fears, or false perceptions (confusion). The secret lesbian lover involved understands the double life of her married lover, and assists her in hiding the truth from the male. The difference between men and wimyn on the 'DL,' is that men have multiple partners (with unprotected sex), while most wimyn settle into monogamous relationships. Some lesbians are highly attracted to this type of situation. An acquaintance says that she likes the freedom 'DL' relationships provide, as well as the excitement of sneaking around the husband (who is either profoundly religious, controlling, or the primary bread winner).

Some of these 'DL' wimyn manage to come out after their children are grown.

As you can see, many flavors of bisexuality exist. We should acknowledge these flavors, and try not to hate on those who cause us no harm ... they're not all the same.

vickyism@aol.com


This article shared 3974 times since Sun Aug 1, 2004
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

U.S. Rep. Sharice Davids reaches marginalized communities with children's book 2021-12-07
- U.S. Rep. Sharice Davids' children's book, Sharice's Big Voice, tells the story of how an Indigenous lesbian mixed martial artist and lawyer became the first LGBTQ+ representative of Kansas. "My hope is that when children or ...


Gay News

Billie Jean King to receive Muhammad Ali Award on Dec. 7 2021-12-02
- Tennis icon Billie Jean King will be honored with the Muhammad Ali Legacy Award presented by Alkaline88 at the 2021 Sports Illustrated Awards on Tuesday, Dec. 7. The honor celebrates individuals whose dedication to the ideals ...


Gay News

ART 'Frida: Immersive Dream' coming to Germania Place in 2022 2021-11-30
- Lighthouse Immersive, North America's leading producer of ground-breaking experiential art exhibits, and Maestro Immersive Art announce their newest immersive art installation, "Frida: Immersive Dream." This exhibition will run at Lighthouse ...


Gay News

SHOWBIZ '9-1-1,' Billie Jean King, Lena Waithe, singer Mary Lambert, White Party 2021-11-21
- Actor Rockmond Dunbar left the Fox show 9-1-1 after four seasons over a vaccine mandate, Deadline noted. His gay character, Michael Grant, was abruptly written off in the Nov. 15 episode, leaving fans of the first-responder ...


Gay News

VIEWS In defense of the word 'lesbian' 2021-11-19
- When I decided to come out to my mom, I wanted to wait until I could say the word "lesbian" out loud. But as I sat her down, I tripped over the long string of letters. "Mom, I'm gay," I blurted ...


Gay News

LGBTQ+ equality in nine Illinois municipalities detailed in Human Rights Campaign Index 2021-11-18
--From a press release - WASHINGTON — Today, the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) Foundation, the educational arm of the nation's largest lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ+) civil rights organization, in partnership with The ...


Gay News

Biden nominates second lesbian as federal judge 2021-11-18
- U.S. Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer recommended that President Joe Biden elevate the Manhattan federal judge overseeing the sex-abuse trial of British socialite Ghislaine Maxwell to the 2nd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, Reuters reported. Biden ...


Gay News

NATIONAL Navy items, lesbian bar founder, QueerArt, trans guide 2021-11-14
- A Navy ship named for slain gay-rights leader Harvey Milk, who served four years in the Navy before being forced out, was christened and launched in San Diego Bay, Navy Times noted. The replenishment oiler USNS ...


Gay News

WORLD China clinic, lesbian couple, Mr. Gay World, Ghana bill 2021-11-14
- China launched its first medical clinic to treat transgender children and adolescents, NBC News reported. The Chinese state-backed media outlet The Global Times recently reported that the clinic opened at the Children's Hospital of Fudan University ...


Gay News

Human Rights Campaign Foundation releases data on COVID-19 & LGBTQ+ health equity 2021-11-09
--From a Human Rights Campaign Foundation press release - WASHINGTON — Today, the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) Foundation, the educational arm of the Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) civil rights organization ...


Gay News

GLAAD releases latest Accelerating Acceptance Study 2021-11-03
--From a press release - New York, NY - Wednesday, Nov. 3, 2021 - GLAAD, the world's largest lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) media advocacy organization, today announced the findings of its seventh annual Accelerating Acceptance Study, a nationa ...


Gay News

Actress Kristen Stewart announces engagement 2021-11-03
- Actress Kristen Stewart announced she and actress/screenwriter Dylan Meyer are engaged in an interview with Howard Stern, CNN.com noted. "We're marrying, we're totally gonna do it," Stewart said. "I wanted to be proposed to, so I ...


Gay News

BREAKING Lesbian confirmed to appeals court 2021-11-02
- On Nov. 1, the U.S. Senate confirmed the appointment of the first openly LGBT woman—a graduate of Dartmouth College and the University of Chicago Law School—for a seat on a federal appeals circuit bench. The roll-call ...


Gay News

Pres. Biden nominates Gigi Sohn FCC Commissioner; would be first out LGBTQ FCC Commissioner 2021-10-28
--From a press release - Washington, DC — Today President Joe Biden nominated Gigi Sohn to fill a vacant seat at the Federal Communications Commission, putting her on-track to become the first out LGBTQ FCC commissioner in history, if confirmed by ...


Gay News

Annie Leibovitz at Chicago Humanities Festival on Dec. 7 2021-10-27
- On Tuesday, Dec. 7, at 7 p.m., influential photographer Annie Leibovitz will come to the Chicago Humanities Festival for an exclusive conversation—her only event in the Midwest to celebrate the publication of her newest collection, Wonderland. ...


 



Copyright © 2021 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 
 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor


 



Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.