Rumors abound about the origins of the beautiful chanteuse Miss Tiger: that she is the reincarnation of Cleopatra, that she is the bastard love-child of Yma Sumac and an Arabian Prince, and some even say that she is the cosmic spawn of the Queen of Venus. However, the truth is far more down-to-Earth.
Miss Tiger was born somewhere in the midwest of America; the only child of religious conservative parents, presumably one of each sex ... maybe! "Actually, my parents were only religious on Sundays," said Miss Tiger, reclining on a chaise longue in her suite on Wells Street. "The rest of the week they were too busy putting the fun into dysfunctional."
The first time Miss Tiger walked out onto a stage she was just five years old. "I was a little Jon Benet before Jon Benet was even born. I was a Junior Beauty Pageant contestant with my mother. The first contest I won was Miss Junior Euro-Trash."
I actually looked this up on the Internet and what Miss Tiger forgot to mention is that she kept the title for three years because nobody would stand against her. She eventually resigned to give the other less-beautiful girls a chance of winning.
Miss Tiger progressed along the well-trod path taken by all respectable young midwestern ladies: Cheerleader—"I didn't fit the stereotype. I wasn't doing what the other girls were doing behind the bleachers."
The Prom—"I was so beautiful, I had a chance of four dates for the Prom, so I just took them all. It caused an absolute scandal in the school paper."
Debutante—"I had numerous cotillions where I introduced myself to society, even though society knew of me already ... obviously!!"
Then, after a spectacular career as a teen-beauty, Miss Tiger became a career girl.
"My background is in Fine Arts," said Miss Tiger, sipping a glass of Chardonnay from the Bijou's excellent wine cellar, and running her claws through her hair. "I was working a lot in galleries and appearing in avant garde plays. Then my parents went to Japan on business, and I decided to go along with them, study the culture and work on my characters. By then, I had already decided to use my experience in the arts and entertainment to take illusion to a different level, more sophisticated."
The fruits of Miss Tiger's studies of Asian culture can be seen in her latest show at the Bijou, My Little Fortune Cookie, which has the farcical and often satirical style of Kyogen written all over it.
"I approached the Bijou, I felt that having a cabaret there would be a little more interesting than having your regular strip show. The Bijou is the perfect venue for something like that, because it has a very scandalous past, and I wanted to contribute to that decadence. Decadence with a beautiful chanteuse. Our first show was the Happy Hanukkah Show and that was directed by Eric Hensley."
Hensley is a shadowy figure in Miss Tiger's life, preferring to shun the limelight. He refused an interview. "What's nice about the Bijou cabaret is that everyone in it comes from an artistic background," continued Miss Tiger, tossing the empty wine bottle out the window, and ordering one of her "BOYS" to fetch another. "Christian had been working at the Bijou for some time, then when I arrived it was discovered that he was writing music. He's now our musical director. He writes the music and I write the lyrics to all the songs in the show. And both being bi-polar it's a wonderful mix of fun and daring."
Christian is one of the producers of Miss Tiger's new single, "I Love Myself," which some people describe as the first feminist anthem of the 21st century, and others say is the selfish demands of a money-grabbing bitch—although, everyone agrees that you can dance to it.
"I wrote the lyrics to 'I Love Myself' back in '96, then Christian put it to music last year. It's just a fun, ridiculous, ghetto culture, in-your-face type of song. It's about loving myself and not loving a man, it's a woman that's in control, and it definitely has a hard-core edge to it."
"Where will I be in five years? Oh that's a hard question. I hope to have a video on MTV, and I see myself developing the cabaret in the Bijou space. But I also see myself reaching a mainstream audience outside of Chicago, perhaps touring Europe with a one-woman show."
Miss Tiger pours herself another glass of Chateau de Bijou and fires random words into the room ... " ... alternative ... . phenomenal ... never stagnating ... I want to give people something to remember."
Miss Tiger is a real classy lady and if you haven't got anything nice to say about her, then take Sukie's advice ... just shut the fuck up, or she'll be wearing your balls for earrings.