THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

Etheridge, who co-parents two children with Cypher ( their biological father, revealed last year in a Rolling Stone Magazine cover story, is rock legend David Crosby ) , was working on several projects, including The Truth Is ..., an intensely personal book of memoirs and lyrics, when separation become unavoidable. Wracked with pain and mourning once they made it official in September of 2000, Etheridge turned to the recording studio for catharsis with only producer-engineer David Cole in tow. She emerged with the rich-sounding, brilliantly orchestrated, and emotional Skin, which she deems the closest she's gotten to a "concept album."

Over the course of 10 tracks we share her emotional journey: breaking up ( "Lover Please" ) , coming to grips ( "Down To One" ) , and healing ( "Heal Me" ) .

However, were it recorded today, Skin would surely boast an additional...and zippy...track or two devoted to her newfound love with hot 26-year-old actress Tammy Lynn Michaels ( "Nicole" on TV's Popular ) . To catch up with Etheridge about her shed skin, her silky and sexy new one, and the virtues of playing with oneself, we spoke via telephone with the L.A.-based rocker.

So Melissa, I was amazed to read you recorded this album all by yourself...it sounds amazing, expertly played, and will probably appeal to people who hadn't listened to you before. Do you feel like Prince now?

"Not at all!"

What's the difference between you and Prince?

"He's much more funky. I really was sparse and simple in this album. It's really simple. I think in being simple it allowed it to sound larger, a less is more kind of thing."

Was it a joyful experience?

"You know what, because the emotional experience was not a pleasant one I wouldn't call it a joy. But it was very healing, having the whole creative process by myself. The end result I'm very pleased with."

Was the only issue you dealt with on Skin your break-up with Julie?

"Well, the break-up and then the result of that, the coming together and finding myself and moving on and healing."

How exactly did the break-up transpire?

"By the book! That's such a looonnnnggg process. Over a couple of years. How do break-ups happen? They happen. Your needs stop growing together and they go apart and people change and all those sorts of things."

Did you see the break-up coming when you shot the Rolling Stone cover?

"Yeah, I could, but I knew I wanted to get that out there. It was important for me to not have the question of who my children's father was hanging over their heads. It was important for me to get it out there while they were still at an age where they would not feel the world going 'whoah!' So even though I knew things were shaky and the possibility of us breaking up was great, it was important to present this to the world."

Being very public "role models," did anyone try to pressure you to stay together anyway?

"No. I felt the 'I'm letting down the community' for a second, and then I went 'what does that mean? Why live in misery to keep up a good appearance?' That doesn't make sense at all."

Was there a final straw that broke the camel's back?

"Well yeah...the confusion on sexuality and the possibility of not ever having sex again in my life, that was kinda not OK."

So Julie went though a "straight spell?" Like "I just can't stop thinking about dick!"

" ( laughs ) Emotionally for me, it wasn't that she was going through a straight spell. She was mostly not wanting me and that's kinda what it came down to. When your partner is not your sexual partner anymore then you have to reevaluate the whole thing."

It's an ego blow, isn't it?

"Not only ego, it's self-esteem. You look at your life and try to think 'how did I get here? How did I make the choices that led me to be with this person?'"

There was a big hubbub made because you broke up around the time Ellen and Anne did. Did that irk you? Because either they were doing the same thing or that the press made it out like some kind of lesbian break-up renaissance?

" ( laughs ) I found it very unfortunate because I knew there would be comparisons even though the situations ... because our society really loves to put things into soundbites and make it real simple, I knew it would seem like it was the same thing although the experiences were completely different."

Did you get to commiserate with Ellen at all?

"Ellen and I are very good friends and yes, we definitely commiserated."

Did you exchange "suck stories?" Like "how bad does this suck?" Tell me one of your suck stories.

" ( pauses ) Oh, you know what, I'm not going to tell you a private conversation with my dear friend Ellen, but believe that we did 'can you believe it?' and rolled our eyes many time."

What's your advice for people who are going through what you did?

"Well, I think it's such a gray area. Just never lose track of yourself, of your bottom line of self-esteem and self-worth, because when you do, boy, you can really sink and it can be bad."

Are you and Julie still friends?

"Friends, no. We're co-parents and definitely meet and agree and can participate on a level of parenting for our children. We live back-to-back, our houses [ share a yard ] , so the kids have this sense of home in one space. So we meet there, [ but ] I wouldn't say we have a happy friendship. Hopefully that will come later."

Meanwhile, I saw a photograph of you and your new young 'un, Tammy Lynn.

"My 'date mate!' Isn't she cute?"

I was like 'girl, keep it! Don't let it stray!'

"You go, girl! I found a realllll good one. If you ever got to know her you would REALLY see what I mean."

She's like honeydew on a hot summer day with a glass of margarita?

"Whooooo! Yes!"

Would you say good music comes out of HELL?

"In my experiences, yes. I certainly hope that's not the only place good music comes from, but I can see that some artists, such as myself, do turn bad emotional situations into creative process."

I have to admit there are times I pray my favorite artists have a really shitty day.

"Well, that's what we're here for."

You've said that making Skin is the closest you've gotten to a concept album. Can you elaborate on that?

"Well, it's a journey and it's all one emotional experience. It starts with the first song, 'Lover Please,' [ which ] is the pain, the fear, the big ouch, and it just moves through the whole process of grief and acceptance and denial until, in the end, I feel there's some healing."

Had you endeavored to do a concept album before?

"No, I had not. [ But ] it's something that used to kind of be up there in creative thought for me because I grew up in the '60s and '70s when there were those things and I enjoyed them. You put it on and listened to it all the way through while driving somewhere or just in your basement. I liked that."

If you recorded an album right now, what sorts of songs would we find on it?

"Oh, you'd find 'I'm having a lot of sex' songs. It'd be all about rolling around with the honeydew and...what did you call it?...margarita thing. It'd be about healing, moving on and finding power and strength."

Some say that once you're over 30, you should keep away from young 'uns because they can be really scary.

"Bring it onnnnnn! If you knew this young 'un you'd be very happy for me. She's 26, 27 any minute. She's wiser than I am."

Did it surprise you, going for a younger girl?

"Completely. She was the one who approached me, she was the one who asked me out. I was like 'huh? What the hell? You're very pretty ... you have a job, I love this!' And quickly, a week, the age thing really went out the window. It really was not an issue except when we talk about the '70s and she doesn't know what I'm talking about, but other than that ... ."

How do you feel about this book of yours?

"You know, it's a bit scary. I don't quite know how to feel about it. I think I revealed a lot in it. It's different for me, it's not so creative, it's not art, it's a place I'm not sure quite how I feel about it, or how the world's going to feel about it. It was very healing for me and I feel real strong about it but there's a lot of questions."

I take it everyone is bringing up the sexual abuse issue during interviews ( Etheridge mentions childhood sexual abuse at the hands of her older sister ) .

"Yeah. There it is, I really don't have anything beyond that to say...it was a part of my life, I got through it."

Do you think that's common amongst siblings?

"I think there are atmospheres in families, the lack of certain needed ingredients in childhood that lead to that situation. It's more common than we think."

There's a line between sibling experimentation and abuse, yes?

"Yes, definitely, and I make it clear in my book that I had experimentation with my best friends when I was eight, nine, 10 or whatever, and this was different. This was a power issue and emotional issue. My advice to parents is to constantly keep communication open to children, that they always feel like they can talk about anything at all, painful situations."

On a more glib note, now that you're with a younger woman are you putting up posters of Natalie Portman?

"Oh God. I emphasize again, the young 'un asked ME out. Was not my plan. But very happily enjoying it."

Do you feel like you're living another chapter now?

"Oh yes, the best chapter of all. I wish I could have [ added an epilogue to the book ] ."

That says 'by the way, I'm pretty happy down there.'

" ( laughs ) Yes! You're bad!"

You're going on tour to support this album, Melissa?

"Yes, I'm doing a solo tour first."

That's very Joni Mitchell of you.

"It's not...it's not me sitting on a stool with a guitar, I really have to emphasize that. I'm pushing myself creatively, it's very high-energy and rock. I play acoustic guitar, electric, keyboards, all of that. All over."

No artistic differences playing with yourself?

"Not at all...no attitudes, just me."