Windy City Media Group Frontpage News


home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor



St. Patrick's Day Hook-up 2011
by Homar Marrs

This article shared 1437 times since Wed Mar 16, 2011
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

McHotty and O'Shitfaced are drunk in a Boystown bar at midnight. Here's their conversation:

O'Shitfaced: Hey, you're hot. Happy St. Patrick's Day. Woo-hoo!

McHotty: Thanks. You're shitfaced. Yeah, green stuff!

O'Shitfaced: I know. I love it. I love the holidays.

McHotty: Me too. Mardi Gras, Lent, St. Patrick's Day. I love it!

O'Shitfaced: Yeah. [burp]

McHotty: That was hot.

O'Shitfaced: Come here [He engages McHotty in a sloppy liplock, as if one of them was experiencing an epileptic fit of the tongue and the other had sudden facial paralysis.]

McHotty: That was so hot.

O'Shitfaced: Do you work in the morning?

McHotty: I'm unemployed.

O'Shitfaced: Me too.

McHotty: Awesome!

O'Shitfaced: I know. I mean it sucks, but I love it.

McHotty: Yeah. I hate being broke though. Let's do shots!

O'Shitfaced: Yeah!

McHotty and O'Shitfaced buy green Jell-o shots with McHotty's unemployment money, then slurp them in a way that can't possibly be considered attractive.

O'Shitfaced: Yeah, lime!

McHotty: I know, right?

O'Shitfaced: Oh crap, I totally forgot I'm not supposed to do Jell-o shots anymore.

McHotty: Why not? They're not fattening.

O'Shitfaced: No, I'm vegetarian. Gelatin is bad for you. Hey, you wanna go smoke?

McHotty: Let's dance first.

They proceed to the dance floor, where an over-extended remix of a Top 40 pop song sung by a straight girl being heavily marketed to gay men blares obnoxiously.

McHotty: Is this the new Gaga?

O'Shitfaced: I love her!

McHotty: I know, right? But she shouldn't try to be Kylie.

O'Shitfaced: And Florence and the Machine shouldn't try to be Gaga.

McHotty: And Kylie shouldn't try to be Adele.

O'Shitfaced: And Adele shouldn't try to be Florence.

McHotty: Or the Machine.

O'Shitfaced: I know.

McHotty: Right?

They blink a few times to process what they just said.

O'Shitfaced: So, are you here with friends?

McHotty: Yeah. Well, my ex. But we're just friends now.

O'Shitfaced: When did you break up?

McHotty: Like an hour ago. But we're cool now. It was awkward at first.

Over in the corner, McHotty's ex stares in brooding jealousy.

O'Shitfaced: It's all good. I came here with mine too.

McHotty: When did you guys break up?

O'Shitfaced: Two years ago.

McHotty: Do you still sleep in the same bed?

O'Shitfaced: Yeah. Just for now though.

McHotty: Gotcha.

O'Shitfaced: You're so hot!

McHotty: You too, stud!

O'Shitfaced: Happy New Year!

McHotty: It's St. Patrick's Day.

O'Shitfaced: Oh yeah, I get them confused.

McHotty: I know, right?

They continue dancing but lose each other five minutes later when one goes to the bathroom. Subsequently, McHotty and O'Shitfaced each run into another cute guy—Fitztrashy and McLost respectively—and repeat the above conversation verbatim without even realizing it.

Homer can be reached at .

This article shared 1437 times since Wed Mar 16, 2011
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


Gay News

The City of Chicago commits to advertising equity in local media 2022-10-26
-- From a press release - CHICAGO—Mayor Lori E. Lightfoot signed an executive order designating that City of Chicago departments allocate at least 50 percent of their annual advertising spending to community media outlets. More than 153 languages are spoken in households ...

Gay News

Fire FC falls to CF Montreal; Cubs and White Sox win 2022-09-14
- On Sept. 13, the Chicago Fire FC (9-14-8) fell 3-2 to CF Montreal (17-9-5) at Stade Saputo. Chicago's three-game unbeaten run (1-0-2) was snapped. Designated player Xherdan Shaqiri converted two penalty kicks on the night, but ...

Gay News

NATIONAL Gay judge, brewery threatened, Victory Fund, AIDS Quilt 2022-08-28
- New York's highest court has designated Associate Judge Anthony Cannataro to serve as acting chief judge after Janet DiFiore steps down, Gay City News reported. Cannataro, the former administrative judge of New York City's civil court, ...

Gay News

Skaters from Chicago BIPOC queer collective froSkate release Nike SB shoe 2022-08-17
- Members of froSkate—an organization dedicated to creating safe spaces for BIPOC queer skateboarders—recently became the first Black women to design a colorful sneaker with Nike SB, and the shoe was recently released. Two of froSkate's le ...

Gay News

ACTIVITIES Architectural Artifacts brings the goods to new Chicago location 2022-07-15
- Following its 35-year legacy as one of the nation's top destinations for globally sourced design and architectural statement pieces, Architectural Artifacts, Inc. (AAI) has reimagined a 35,000-square-foot Mid Century-style school ...

Gay News

Out at CHM's 'Dancing for Life' to take place June 23 2022-06-10
- The Chicago History Museum, 1601 N. Clark St., is continuing its Out at CHM series with "Dancing for Life: Moving through HIV/AIDS" on Thursday, June 23, 5:30-8:30 p.m. In honor of Chicago designating 2022 as the ...

Gay News

HIV/AIDS activist Rae Lewis-Thornton on her new memoir, 'Unprotected' 2022-05-18
- Emmy-winning HIV/AIDS activist, author, minister, political organizer, motivational speaker, life coach, jewelry designer and social media figure Rae Clara Lewis-Thornton's recently released book, Unprotected: A Memoir, is already a pre-release ...

Gay News

Gov. Pritzker signs legislation addressing rise in organized retail thefts 2022-05-13
-- From a press release - CHICAGO — On May 13, Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker joined Attorney General Kwame Raoul, lawmakers, advocates and law-enforcement officials to sign legislation designed to combat a nationwide rise in coordinated retail thefts. "This new law represents ...

Gay News

Brittney Griner gets new designation; Black LGBTQ+ group responds 2022-05-03
- The United States is now saying lesbian WNBA player Brittney Griner is wrongfully detained in Russia, NPR reported. The shift in language indicates the United States will work more aggressively to secure her release. The State ...

Gay News

LGBTQ Catholic resource Outreach launches 2022-05-02
- Outreach—a new website designed to help LGBTQ Catholics, their families and friends, and those who minister to them in the church—has launched. Outreach will publish news stories and essays from around the world; offer a resource ...

Gay News

COVID Latest travel update: 9.7% of country at 'Medium' or 'High' level 2022-04-30
- In the CDC's weekly update of COVID-19 Community Levels released April 29, 9.7 percent—or 314—of the 3,220 counties in the United States and Puerto Rico are now designated at a "Medium" or "High" COVID-19 level. That ...

Gay News

Designs for Dignity gala on May 19 2022-04-19
- Designs for Dignity's annual fundraising gala, "Spirit of Design," will take place Thursday, May 19, 6-10 p.m., and will celebrate more than 20 years of impact on Chicago's nonprofit community. The event will take place at ...

Gay News

POLITICS Gay media owner to run for Chicago mayor 2022-04-06
- Dennis J. "DJ" Doran—the openly gay owner of the LGBTQ+-focused Aequalitas Media—is planning a run for Chicago mayor. Doran, a Lake View resident, has acknowledged he is an outsider—but he also believes that designation is an ...

Gay News

Lynching now a federal hate crime 2022-03-30
- After multiple failed attempts that spanned more than a century, there is now a federal law that designates lynching as a hate crime, NPR reported. In a March 29 ceremony at the White House, President Joe Biden signed ...

Gay News

Lightfoot, CPD and CTA officials announce new safety measures 2022-03-09
-- From a press release - CHICAGO Today, Mayor Lori E. Lightfoot, Chicago Police Superintendent David O. Brown and Chicago Transit Authority (CTA) President Dorval Carter Jr. announced new measures designed to improve public safety and ...


Copyright © 2022 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.







About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam     
Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.