Partners Brian Walker and Mike Demetria spent their first Father's Day in Las Vegas, along with Walker's mom and sister. They enjoyed the vast array of food and fun, and all the over-the-top sites of Sin City.
They also opened their first Father's Day presents.
Their son, Liam, officially adopted in April from the Philippines, made Walker and Demetria close their eyes—and then he formally presented them with drawings he had made, though they looked more like scribbles.
However, they were filled with love.
"Over the years, I have been an uncle, and had many college friends who went on to have families," Walker said. "All along, everyone would say that I would make a good dad. It was always nice to hear, but I never could understand how they could say that having only seen me with their kids for short periods of time. Now that I am a parent for real, I hope they are right. All of the self-confidence you have is always countered by the self-doubt about whether you are doing things right or not."
Demetria added, "I have always envisioned being a dad, someday, but honestly, I almost gave up on the idea until we received [the] unexpected news from my family, which was the opportunity to adopt Liam. "
That came several years ago. Liam is Mike's grandnephew. He was born July 4, 2008.
"We had talked about raising a child from early on [while dating], and had talked about it regularly ever since," said Walker, who has been dating Demetria for nine years. They live in Lakeview.
"I have always been close to my nieces and nephews, 30-plus of them," Demetria said. "They always enjoy visiting their uncles and some of them decided to move to Chicago. I started about 10 years ago looking into my [adoption] options, and that [thought] was reinforced when Brian and I started to talk about it," after we began dating.
Walker is the assistant dean (graduate business programs) at Roosevelt University. Demetria is a doctor at Stroger Hospital. They met in a Chicago at a fundraising event, although Walker was living in Houston at the time.
"We went from a being a couple ... to being a family," Walker said, teary eyed. "We both have busy careers and social lives, but now things take on a different perspective. Obviously a lot of focus is now on Liam and adapting to him."
According to Demetria, "Our priorities have changed, mostly directed now to Liam and his future. Despite all the adoption education classes I have attended, I learned early on that there is really no recipe for good parenting and it definitely is not an easy task. You have to provide the core ingredients—love, care and support, and be a good example to [kids] because they are very smart and are natural mimics."
Both said the LGBT community has been overwhelming supportive of their newly formed family, and the love shown Liam has been non-stop.
"Some people have asked about what it's like to raise a child who is adopted rather than yours from inception," Walker said. "Some people aren't sure if they could do it if it wasn't 'theirs.' This is a good question, but one easily answered: If you love the child, it seems that instincts take over. He is here and you are responsible. Beyond the basics of loving and caring, he needs guidance and support in learning and growing. A child doesn't have to be from my blood for me to love him and raise him."
Liam has taken to calling Demetria "Dada" and Walker "Papa." Liam has even started calling some of Demetria's sisters "Number 1 tita," the Tagalog word for aunt, after they give him toys. All laugh.
The joy, though, is coupled with slight fears that Walker and Demetria have for whatever issues Liam may ultimately endure.
"Maybe we are naive to some extent, but, we think and hope that he will not have to deal with [same-sex parents] as an issue as he grows up, especially since we live in Lakeview," Walker said. "So far, we haven't had any issues—at the stores, the parks, anywhere."
In fact, on a recent flight, Walker was sitting next to a woman who asked about Liam. Walker told her his family story, and all she wanted to talk about was Liam and her three kids. "She didn't care one bit that we were gay," Walker said.
"I think my greatest concern with being a parent now has more to do with my age, now that I'm fortysomething."
Demetria added: "The fear of not being approved [by others] is something that I have overcome in the past. In fact, just being a parent brought me closer to intrepidity and fearlessness. I really think that when people realize that [gay parents] are no different from straight parents who provide a good, loving and nurturing environment, they really don't care if we are gay and eventually will appreciate us more."
Their new family has also been complicated by being an interracial relationship, hence, "we have had to continually learn about our different cultural backgrounds," Demetria said.
"We are not trailblazers. ... There have been gay parents all along," Walker said. "We are actually learning a lot from other gay and straight friends who are experienced as parents. Raising a child is not a gay or straight thing. ... It's a human thing."
