The best offense is a good defense: Tom and Jeff at Thousand Waves. Photos by Tom West_______
BY COLIN SCHOENBERGER
Tom West, an instructor at Thousand Waves Martial Arts and Self Defense Center, knows that the line between 'aggressive' and 'assertive' can be hard to see sometimes. West also knows that 'self-defense' is often seen as a feminist issue, as a set of tricks for women to use to fend off attackers; men are already supposed to know how to defend themselves. With the upcoming self-defense workshop he is instructing specifically for gay men, he hopes to dispel those notions as well as give fellow GBTQ men tools that could very well save their lives.
'We want to teach people how to take control of a situation,' West said. 'To maintain your rights, but prevent it from escalating into a violent situation. Unfortunately, that middle ground is very hard to find between men. If you're a gay man, and you're very aggressive, you could start a fight or your actions could be interpreted as a sexual come on. And if you're too passive, a straight guy could take that as a challenge, because you're not a man.'
West, who holds a 2nd degree black belt in Seido Karate and a 1st degree black belt in Kajukenbo, has always dealt with the difficult positions that gay men can often be put in, a major factor in his decision to lead a self-defense workshop at Thousand Waves specifically for gay men. The classes, the first of four beginning September 20, are designed to help gay men to become more aware of potentially dangerous situations and how to diffuse or escape from those situations if they occur.
'I've thought about it all of my life, growing up as a gay man in a straight man's world,' West said. 'There's always an issue of safety involved, always having to watch out. We as a minority that is often vilified, attacks are considered justifiable many times. We've always had to deal with how we operate safely.'
Thousand Waves chose to conduct the seminar specifically for gay men, as opposed to the LGBT community in general, for a number of reasons, mainly that the workshop isn't just about yelling and punching bags. As the group leader, West wanted to start with common ground and a shared understanding to really offer participants an open forum for discussion about dangerous or uncomfortable experiences they have faced. Nancy Lanou, the head instructor and executive of director of Thousand Waves, has conducted many self-defense seminars that were co-ed, or just for women. In those cases, women did not want to be exposed to males, representations of their victimizers. Even though gay men would hardly view women in their class as their victimizers, West and Lanou agreed that gay mens' experiences were unique enough that a seminar just for gay men would be more than worthwile.
'We got into long discussions about interactions between women and men, and between men and men,' West said. 'And we discussed how what might work for women might not work for men. And Nancy decided that we have enough gay male instructors to take our material and revise them. And everything we add helps, it will enrich the overall self-defense program, looking at different groups…'what does this group tell us?''
The classes are not just about practical self-defense, however; Thousand Waves refers to these upcoming classes as an 'empowerment workshop.' Not only is violence prevention the primary goal of the classes, instructors offer advice on how to best handle potentially harmful situations at the workplace, what to do if a co-worker objects to a gay man putting a picture of his boyfriend on his desk, for example, or in social situations. The classes will also supervise several role-playing exercises to build skills on how avoid dangerous confrontation while still being assertive and true to oneself.
'I grew up to be very aggressive about being called a sissy,' said Jim Winfrey, who will be instructing the class along with West. 'The martial arts has helped me calm down, become more focused. And we don't call this a self-defense workshop, we call it violence prevention.'
West characterizes the gay community as mostly non-violent, citing the far-fetched notion of a bar fight in Boystown. The classes mainly focus on how gay men should best interact with aggressive straight men, whatever the circumstances. And since not every gay man can live in Boystown and find security that way, many must find other ways to deal with the reality of harassment from the straight community.
'Gay male culture is very peaceful; it's hard for straight men to understand that,' West said. 'One of my straight friends once said about gay guys, 'Oh, I've seen them all pumped up, I bet they get into fights.' But I had to tell him that's not true at all.'
Although most gay men are not wary of danger when surrounded by their fellows, Winfrey points out that gay culture, being what it is, involves more random encounters then average. So, gay men deal with more 'stranger danger' than most and can find themselves in harmful situations that way as well. Also, even though bar fights are a rarity, the rate of domestic violence among gay men is as high, if not higher, than in the straight community.
'We spend a lot of time discussing interpersonal violence,' West said. 'How to recognize it, what the flags are for it. If you are a person who is subjected to that, we try to provide tools to work within the situation or to get out of it.'
The first session is free of charge and will cover the basics, how to avoid dangerous situations, how to diffuse them if they arise and, as a last resort, physical attack and defense moves, such as how to fend off attackers with various weapons, or how to defend oneself if knocked on the ground.
But it's not all about preventative measures at Thousand Waves. West knows has seen and experienced himself the benefits of practicing martial arts and self-defense, even if those techniques never leave the classroom.
'It can be really fun,' he said. 'People connect with their personal power, it can be really invigorating, even though a lot of gay men don't like to kick and punch.'