One day you will be the person who gets to judge another with the same amount of power with which you have felt judged. The true test of a human being is to act compassionately toward one another when you have all the power. If you choose to take advantage of this power and harm the individual receiving your judgment, you have no character and your world remains small; however, if you offer compassion and understanding, your world grows and only gets better. That day will come, please prepare for it and build your character until then. Start by offering this compassion to yourself. You won't be given a chance to be compassionate towards another human if you can't be that way towards yourself first, begin with the most important closest person to you and you are likely to be successful.
A lesson I have learned is that people steal, they take what they don't have the creativity to produce for themselves, they rob the materials of ones character, and they brag about it when possible. This is ongoing and doesn't stop when you're an adult but what gets better is your ability to not be as harmed as the first time someone stole from you. I have made short movies and videos since I was a little boy and being very proud of my videos, I brought one of my features to junior high one day.
I told everyone in my class, "This movie is called 'Blood Kill,' it's a horror movie I made with my friends." I beamed with pride.
After telling the world that I was carrying around the one and only video tape of my feature that I spent weeks making with my best friends, I should not have been that surprised when it disappeared from my desk during third period. I was devastated. I ran up to everybody in my class asking where it had gone and if they had seen who took it. In my perfect world up until that point, I could not imagine someone taking my work of artistic genius away from me but it had been thieved away forever. Nobody cared. Nobody helped me find it. Nobody stepped in to right something very wrong. That wasn't the worst of it and was just the first of it … I had my only video camera stolen from me a few years after that too. Even though these physical items were taken, there was no way someone could steal my creativity from me. Without a video camera, I made music and sang instead; there's always something else. There was no way I could control the forces that took from me, my only control was how I reacted to it and to not let it stop me from doing something different or better.
I decided to bring up this story as an example of how to deal with loss when you have no control over what is taken. Somebody could take an unflattering image of you, write something embarrassing, and with just a click, let the whole world think you are horrible. They are the common thief, they are trying to take your character away; don't let them. You are the judge of yourself and no matter how much someone has taken from you, you always have the choice to be stronger and believe in yourself more than anybody else. You don't need to correct them. If the truth is twisted out of your grasp and you feel the weight of unbearable shame from every corner, just remember that you are more creative than that, than anything some sad cruel group is trying to topple you with. When faced with judgment that seems condemning and insurmountable, be more yourself than ever in retaliation. Most people take all the energy they have to put up a defensive fake front of armor, create a barrier, and hide themselves from feeling pain. These bullies are weak. They use all their energy to be something unnatural. The best defense is to be your full self in the face of these thieves.
"Dean, I don't want to be your friend anymore. You're gay and going to hell and I can't be friends with a damned soul," someone I thought was a friend told me years ago when they found out I was gay from all the rumors swirling about my true sexual identity.
Instead of being someone else around this person and lying about who I was, I simply told them that they had no right to speak to me like that and my life had become none of their business. They happened to be a co-worker and I let them know that they would be fired if they ever spoke to me like that again. I remained exactly who I was in the face of their blind bigotry and they had to shut up to stay employed. It gets better; your world gets bigger. The people I have in my life today are a result of years of steady belief in myself and others. I appreciate being able to look back and see my character and relationships built over the span of time. I never would have appreciated it as much if I always had it effortlessly or gained it all too quickly.
PLEASE SEE LAST WEEK'S SPECIAL "IT GETS BETTER" SECTION
ELSEWHERE IN THIS ISSUE
IT GETS BETTER: Protecting Our Youth BY Kathleen Sebelius and Arne Duncan www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php?AID=29158
IT GETS BETTER: by Dean Littner www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php?AID=29159
IT GETS BETTER: Surviving, by Brittany Barton www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php?AID=29160
IT GETS BETTER: Supporting My Son by Maureen Goldin www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php?AID=29161
IT GETS BETTER: For Those We Lost by Matthew Zaradich www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php?AID=29162
IT GETS BETTER: Resources www.windycitymediagroup.com/gay/lesbian/news/ARTICLE.php?AID=29163
